Been on here over a year...what a difference

I am shocked and sickened by some of my old posts on here...cant believe the difference in my life.

What a state i was in this time last year with that horrible person in my life...little did i know he had done me the biggest favour ever and i would actually turn out okay and not be in pain anymore.

ive learnt alot but seem to have stalled in my progress and feel like i shouldnt want him in my life at all, if i let myself admit it i do and i think about the way we were. But i know we can never be not as stupid anymore.

thank you to everyone who has helped and supported me over this last year. i do not no what i would of done without being able to vent on here and you taking the time to read and respond to me.

I am so happy its not this time last year! =D



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10 Replies

  • I think you have climbed mountains, and I'm very proud of you. Your posts aren't anything to be shocked or sickened by - they illustrate a time in your life when things were really difficult. There is a lot to be gained by reflecting and I think you do this very well x

  • Hi Lucy.

    Had a nice day today. Went to visit friend whose Mother died 3 wks

    Ago. She lived with her Mother so it's a big change for her. We had

    Tea and cakes and a good old chat. I walked home and felt ok,

    Which is fine for me.

    How are your two settling back to school?

    Hannah x

  • Aaaw I bet your friend really appreciated that.

    Joe and Katie are good thanks. Katie loves school. She's bright and she has a nice group of little friends. Joe tolerates it. He's also bright, but he doesn't apply himself in the way that Katie does! He'd rather play football. He's doing GCSE science two years early and he gets the results of his first module tomorrow. Hoping it's good news ...

  • My sister Fidelma had one girl and two boys and

    She said that boys don't apply themselves as well.She

    Is a teacher too. Maybe it's the way boys are wired. I hope he does well Lucy, it's not easy being that age either, but

    I'm sure you have the right balance.x

  • I think it possible is! I'll let you know how he gets on x

  • Hi Zoe don't even think about your posts in the past. That was the past and

    They were a mirror of what you were going through at the time. Life can be

    Messy and awful at times and I often look very easily look back at mistakes I have

    Made and frogs I have kissed.

    You were just being very honest so be real proud of how far you have come.

    So don't torture yourself looking back. When you get a bit of time away

    From troubles and stuff you can often get clarity. Remember you are young

    And experimenting and learning and growing as a person , it's never clean

    And sanitised but looking at ourselves can be hard and not without tears too.

    I know I'm still doing it Zoe... It's just messy life in real time.


    Hannah x


  • Hello Lush

    I am pleased that you are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel

    Good Luck, you know where to find us if you need further support and understanding


  • You can't get completely better yet, the mad house won't be the same without ya! :p

    I don't think it's being less stupid. I suspect it's having more confidence in yourself. I think it's the case that you've improved to the point where emotions and lack of self belief are no longer sufficiently intense to outdo what you know. It's one thing to know you're better off without the guy, quite another to have the confidence to follow through on it, but you clearly have that now :)

    Don't worry too much about sometimes wanting him back or thinking wistfully of how it was. That's natural in most relationships. Just let it be what it is for now and don't get annoyed with yourself over it.

  • Hi Lush, yes ok to think wistfully from time to time but only occasionally but not too much or not too seriously please!!!

    My own experience of living just for myself is it can get very lonely and then when "other" things don't happen quickly (or at all) I can end up thinking back to any examples of when i've felt "attached" or "connected". It is my view that narcissists (as he sounds) deliberately "hook" you by creating that need and that feeling of intense attachment and loyalty. They don't take it seriously and just use it for their own ends, but people like us find ourselves ruminating and thinking back and wishing and longing.

    It is never going to happen again with him as that was just the manipulation to pull you in so you'll be there for them. (I know you know that and would never realistically want it again but there is a part of your brain the child thing keeps looking back and they will have thought they received something initially that they wanted and that is why it is so hard to let go. )

    Best continue work at building yourself up (including coping with all the loneliness that entails)

    PS I do know you know this and I am the same. I go through phases of just feeling so lacking in someone close and it is tempting to think back to a time when you felt even for a second that you had this. As I said this is the child in you and the adult needs to take over and tell the child that next time they can have something better as you will be looking over them next time and won't let them get conned.

    Hope this helps,

    Gemmalouise x

  • Just read some of your earlier posts, glad you didn't get back with the ex. Good for you girl x

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