How to cope at the moment?

Hi folks, I wanted to post an update and see what people think. I had my welfare meeting with my manager. I feel like it was a 'how can we get rid of you' disguised as support. He was talking about paying me off or being declared unfit for the job. I've been off for a month! I have had sickness previously but not for 18 months. There is a new part of my job which I find very stressful. There is no option to do anything different. Into the mix is the real possibility of my girlfriend leaving me as she finally loses any hope in our relationship.

I'm left feeling very depressed and anxious. I'm off my food, not interested in anything and feel tired constantly. My shoulders are really tense and my headaches are really bad. On a positive note I have slept OK for the last 2 nights. First time in a month!

I am doing mindfulness everyday, trying to mentally challenge my anxieties seeing therapist soon, but as I've said before, finding it so difficult. I:be dealtnwith difficulty in the past, but not so much at once. I plan to make an appt with CAB and am going to see another GP in my practice soon. My problem is that I feel so depleted energy wise. I'm on 40mg citalopram and have been for a long time. I'm wondering if I should ask about switching to a different antidepressant? Or try beta-blockers? I feel I need something so I can try to tackle what's ahead. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Sorry if I've repeated info again from previous posts.

17 Replies

  • sorry your manager has been such a sod. Has he definitely said he will take action, or was he giving you a work target to meet in order to prove you are ok to work there? He does sound rather ruthless....

    Don't go in without an experienced friend/rep in other meetings, sounds like he was kind of ambushing you by coming out with that in what he claimed was a friendly little chat.

    Have you had a chance to get hold of relevant policies?

    Glad you caught up on some sleep, one of my resolutions this year,....early bedtime.

  • Wouldn't allow me anyone else in meeting as it was informal. It does say that in staff handbook. I do have copies of policies and plan to go to CAB at some point. I like your NY resolution!

  • I think I need an alarm clock set to go off in the evenings, to tell me to go to bed.

  • But does it say in the handbook what amendments to policy there are for people with anxiety / depression?

  • No, this is not covered.

  • Hi neil

    not sure if I can offer you any help but just wanted to let you know I'm in a similar situation. I was signed off with stress initially when work decided to give me more responsibilities which I haven't got the time to manage. I was hoping they would realise that what they are asking me to do would be too much for anyone but even after 6 months off they still do not intend to make any changes to my job which doesn't really help me get back to work.

    I think its a good idea for you to speak to CAB and goto see your Gp. I too am on 40mg cotalopram and have bern for a few years, I have constant headaches and lack of energy/ motivation to do anthing. I'm going to see my gp on monday to see if a change of meds would be an option.

    its good you have managed to get some sleep recently, this is something that I also struggle with.

    I remember you sayong on a previous post that your manager wouldn't let you take anyone into the meeting with you. Where I live there is an organisatoon called fit for work which can attend meetings with you, might be worth you asking your gp or CAB if there is something similar where you live.

    Jules x

  • Hi Jules, blimey, sounds very similar! I'm seeing my GP on Monday too! Cheers for replying and suggestions. Good luck with your appointment.

  • Hi Neil. I have sent you mail if you want to check it.

    Kind regards


  • Hello

    Just reading your script, life is hard especially when the wolf knocks on the door ready to change your life in so many ways

    One thing may be worth a try, we all feel flat when taking the medications with gay abandon. and sometimes a reduction may help just too give a sharper look at your life for a time. Sometimes been that bit numb can restrict understanding of possible life decisions that may need to be taken. Please understand I am not saying anything regarding your drug requirements, sometimes we all need to see what is going on around us, I suppose after a couple of weeks you can see what the reduction has done for you. Remember, one of the reasons we take these medications is to dumb us down in reality and make us compliant in a cpn environment, just a thought

    All the very best


  • Hi Neil I was reading your post and to me it seems that you have a few problems.

    Your relationship

    Your job

    Your Depression

    A problem with any of these would be hard, I would feel that anyone would be

    Depressed or stressed or anxious if they felt their relationship was on the rocks

    Is this a realistic fear or are you just worrying too much and thinking she will

    Leave. Have You talked to her about this?

    All this domestic upset would not help you with Depression, personally I think

    You need to talk to your partner , then at least you will know where you stand.

    There is no point expecting medication or Other therapies to help you, if you

    Are not looking at what's happening in your life. If you sort this out I am sure

    You would be making more progress and better Able to cope with going back to work.

    I think as Bob says you need to look at what's happening in your life, and

    Think about making A plan to get back to work. If your not feeling better when

    Your at home maybe you would feel better if you were back at work



  • Hey Neil,

    Have you got a copy of the minutes that your manager took? That might be useful to take to your CAB meeting. I apologise if you've already mentioned it, but do you belong to a union?


  • Lucy

    I better tear myself away from this and get to bed as I have a friend

    Coming tomorrow at 11.00 am and I have to Hoover etc before he comes.

    Hugs fitness buff

    H xx

  • I think on the whole it is probably best not to attribute motivation to other people if you can avoid it. The same action can come from a whole myriad of motivations.

    Would be good to talk to the CAB - particularly about your rights in relation to the DDA as you have a long term condition.

    A few years ago the NICE recommendation from review of studies on effectiveness of various treatments for depression was that relapse was less likely if you had taken an anti-depressant for at least 6 months.

    Good that you are practicing mindfulness - although it may not feel that way at the moment it should be building up some resilience in handling stress and the depression.

    Talking to your GP about what med - and as others have suggested what dosage - sounds like a good idea.

  • Just wondered what size is the company you work for? It's just it all seems a tad unprofessional to be taking you in on your own and after you only being off for such a short time talking about ending your employment.

    Most companies would have regular "update contact" either by phone or in person. They must be seen to be being supportive and trying to help in anyway that is "within reason". I'm sure if you had hurt yourself in someway and couldn't physically get to work they wouldn't be having this conversation with you so soon.

    I have currently been off work since September and this is a conversation my employer wouldn't be having with me until at least 6 months of absence "I'm gonna be made redundant before then" but you get my point.

    Don't know if any of this helps I just think if they persist in this way you should definitely speak to CAB because I think you'll find they haven't tried to accommodate you or your illness

    Good luck kim xx

  • Hi everyone, thanks for all the comments. The end of my relationship is very real. We have tried counseling and planned to split at beginning of this year but are both too scared. We live together like close friends. My current situation is placing an additional strain on our relationship.

    All this stress is leaving me with these terrible headaches. They have never been so bad. I feel exhausted all the time and cannot sleep. Even the most basic tasks are tiring. Each day feels endless. I feel lonely and hopeless.

  • I would definitely go back and see your doctor regarding your medication it can take a while to find the right one and the right dose. ((((Big hugs))))

    Kim xx

  • You are obviously not ready to go back to work. Tackling the right meds for you, is. the headaches stress , how your feeling, Is all down to the depression, and when you have the right drugs for your type. Then things will get better.

    I would try cbt, for the short term, it helps you see things in a different way, but please carry on with counselling, as you can explore deeper when your feeling better , and help with the feelings you have got at the moment. I found when I changed brands with citilapram, I got unwell again, the only change was the brand.

    Yes do ask to try something else, unless you go to see your gp, hes not going to know things are not great at the moment. (he or she isnt a mind reader)

    What I strongly advise is going to the gym, and getting those negative stress, into positive exercise, swimming will help loosen those piano cords on your neck,,, go for a massage, and learn about relaxation and breathing tecs,.. It does help! I have done it .. And also write a daily diary, as to how your feeling, you will see how much progress you have made, and help you to let go of the emotions your having from keeping you awake at night.

    Your company have a duty of care with you, and they cants sack you if your ill. Managers are half the problem why people get stressed, and end up ill, its about time people talked about it more, and make companys deal with, the facts they have a problem in their managers they hire!!

    kind regards

    keep well


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