Where's the tap to turn off the tears?

I don't know how I do it, but I seem to have this ability to turn a small dilemma into a massive drama!! I have been paid today but I was underpaid by a substantial amount, but instead of ringing HR or HMRC I sat and cried about it for a few hours. The problem suddenly went from being underpaid, to not being able to go out or eat, and then I worried about Xmas presents, then I worried about my mortgage and then I worried that I wouldn't be able to buy a flat next year if they kept me on the same taxt code. All of my worries turned out to be mostly pointless. I rang HMRC who 'made an error' and the problem will be rectified for next month. This is a massive relief but those few hours where I sat and cried for 3 hours seemed like the end of the world.

I need to find a way to be calm in these situations! I hate crying at work and it has happened far too often in the last few weeks.

7 Replies

  • Hello BOB here

    Do not let it worry you, when our depression strikes when something goes wrong we are all the same we worry, never think straight and make matters worse for ourselves.

    I do the same thing,with me it is bad health and the depression that goes with it. Now my wife has taken responsibility away from me so I do not get upset. when dealing with distressing situations.This same thing seems to last for several days,that is why I need to take medications,and need additional support from Hazel

    Our old family home is been taken over by the Environment Agency,so I have had too move away and start a new life.

    our old property is LET out and will in the future be sold. I have been advised not to go back, so I havehad too take a mortgage out so I can upgrade two bungalows into one and upgrade it for my disability.So I understand how you must feel things get so big so we cannot handle our responsibilities.

    So please do not worry, all will so all will sort out and we feel mentally exhausted at the end of our problems

    Good Luck


  • God yes if only there were an off switch! ! ! ! ! ! !

    It is like an avalanche, so much background feelings add up and whoosh--- one push sends everything cascading down.

    After the unbeileivable week I just had , I have made a resolution that I am going to use every flippin technique I can to stop getting into a proper down swing next month, as the awful state i got into followed a couple of weeks of gradually spiralling downwards.

    My new years resolution, in advance. If I don't let that metaphorical snow build up, there can't be an avalanche....well that's the theory I am working on..

    But seriously, DOES any one have some strong techniques for those times when the tipping point is reached and the usual stratergies do nothing to shift the emotions out of their deep dark hole? ? ?

    p.s. glad the pay got sorted, not nice to be happening when christmas comes around.. Any chance of putting away at least enough to cover a months worth of bills so that you don't get anxious when pay days come around?

  • Gosh BOB that sounds like an awful situation to be. I live by myself so there's no one to share any responsibility with and although I like being responsible for myself, sometimes I find it bloody hard work!!

    The sensible thing would be to save a bit each month but I think this has taught me a harsh lesson that I need to be a bit more sensible.

    I need to learn to take a deep breath and rationalise things before my worries get out of control

  • Hello katie,

    We all need support in our lives, it makes it more tolerable

    All the best


  • Its really easy to find one problem taking us through a list of endlessly negative outcomes.

    You might find meditation helps - it can make the pathways in the brain more resilient so that we don't slip into the spirals so quickly - or are more aware that we are slipping in to those paths.

    I found 'Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. It comes with a CD of meditations. I found one particularly useful for dealing with instances where I was feeling very wound up - which was to stop focusing on the spiral of thoughts and actually focus on the feelings - like the burning around the eyes when the tears want to come ... and I would find myself feeling a lot calmer. I can't guarantee that it will work or help you but it certainly helped me.

  • I found this look at the second last line....

    Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7 (GWT)

    Surrendering your life means:

    Following God's lead without knowing where he's sending you;

    Waiting for God's timing without knowing when it will come;

    Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide;

    Trusting God's purpose without understanding the circumstances.

  • There is a tap in all of us to turn off the tears. The tap is just another thought and it turns off and on whatever you want it to turn off or on. To turn off the tears. Welcome in the feeling or thought you are having, whatever it is, with all of your thoughts. Then with all of your thought, are you willing to let go of holding the thought? When? Will you do it now? Then simply let go now. Let go of the thought. Welcome it in and let go of the thought. Believe your own feelings as this works for you :)