I've not slept for 3 days straight, strongly contemplate taking my own life & feel like there's a massive part of me missing what can I do?

[Mitchell1995]

I desperately need help. I keep passing out in the day, I sometimes fail to complete simple tasks and I feel my common sense has become extremely low all of a sudden. I'm in bed while writing this at 4.15 in the morning not even close to being tired and I have a list of the easiest ways to kill myself. There is a women in my life and she is the only reason I'm still here I feel I have the courage to take my own life and know that who I leave behind can handle it. I have no meaning, no cause and feel like something substantial is missing. I am convinced that there is nothing in this world that can make me enjoy it. I'm not attention seeking or a teenage boy looking for something to do I generally need help if anything can be done to make me come out of this phase I'll do it. I have felt this way for 3 years but now I can't take it. Desperate for help

[1darkangel]

Please go to your doctor straight away and take a copy of this what you have wrote down because if your truthful about how you feel they can help you. It does take time but you can feel better within about 4 to 6 weeks it took me to feel better so It is best to get help now rather than later. I kept thinking that these feelings and thoughts that I had would go away but they never did and gradually they got worse, I am in recovery from depression and anxiety and I have had it for 4 years. So please get the right help because you are so worth it.I also read on the mind website about depression and suicidal thoughts to help me cope. Take care X

[Billy444 in reply to 1darkangel]

1 dark angel You are spot on! Can tell you have been there. That came from the Heart

[1darkangel in reply to Billy444]

Have you been to the doctors it is so important? With the right help you can get better but be kind to yourself the mind takes time to heal just like a broken leg.

[Gambit62]

Please cling on to the thought of the woman in your life as something to stop you acting on the impulses.

Both the lack of sleep and the thoughts of suicide are indications that you are very stressed. The lack of sleep is particularly worrying - have you been to see your GP. If not, please do go. The feelings you are describing are quite characteristic of sleep deprivation.

Has the poor sleep pattern been going on for 3 years? or is it something more recent and its the feeling of meaninglessness that is the bigger problem?

Again, please go and see your GP. It may be stress or it may be something else in the background that means you are in a place where stress is having a much bigger impact on your life than it should.

In terms of meaning - you could try mindfulness meditation - that might help with the sleeping as it can help you relax as well. I found 'Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' helped me bring a lot of things together and I'm coping really well with life at the moment. The book comes with a CD of mindfulness meditations and is basically a home version of a Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy course.

A body clock - with an artificial sunrise can also be helpful with getting to sleep - have found mine really comes into play when I'm feeling really stressed and having problems getting to sleep though I'm lucky that's a rare occurrence for me.

[Phoenix27]

gambit62 is a very busy n carin individual!! he makes a lot of sense. look at ur woman, wat wud ur death do to her? i k no ur beyond carin about u, so care about her n ger the help u need xxxxxxx

[Stilltrying_]

Hello, I can relate to the feelings you are having, especially of "feeling something substantial is missing". It may be that this is emotional damage which is very hard to deal with and can seem completely overwhelming; but maybe at times there are "other parts of you " that you are just not able to access at the moment; so is it worth hanging on and trying to stay alive in any way you can, and seeing if this thing passes a little bit and then when you feel able to try and go and get support somewhere? Also please think about the woman in your life; it means that someone cares about you and so your life is worthwhile for that reason. I hope this helps.x

[bury527]

Please go to your doctor .I have been here myself you need to be referred to mental health services who have the resources and support for you.And i think you need your partner to go with you so they fully understand what you are going through.

[coatpin]

sounds like your breaking down, honestly you do need to see your gp, urgently!! I remember when I didnt sleep for 2weeks, the doctor gave me some sleeping tablets that would have knocked out a horse, and it didnt touch me, I felt like a wound up doll. So I took the time to write, how I was feeling(the medical experts, could use this to understand when we go through this) the anxiety the hopeless -ness.

But this is the illness.

When we have tonsillitis our toncils are infected. In this case our brain is ill . you are an articulate man so you understand what im saying. your ill. So you must see a doctor urgently, as your brain is telling you it wants to end this.

Its part of the illness and how sick it is. This is the depression talking. Not you.

I found it was easier to understand it this way, as two things, the illness and the real me.

I would say to myself is this really what I feel, or is this the illness making me feel this way.

treat yourself well, if you fee tired sleep. dont push your self.as you will feel bulldozed. take care and get see your gp!!.

[Hidden]

Hi, I sounds as though despite the woman in your life you are struggling to find any meaning to your own existence. You say you have felt like that for 3 years and I wonder how you felt before. You do not say how old you are but it may be that you have been depressed or had an underlying unhappiness from childhood, or that you have not been prepared emotionally for finding a meaningful life as an adult. A lack of emotional meaningfulness may have existed throughout much of your life despite perhaps having been given care, sometimes it can be due to an emotional lack of attunement between parents and child the effect of which only really becomes apparent in adulthood. Your GP could prescribe medication which may life your immediate mood a little and he could refer you for counselling or psychotherapy - the latter would be preferable but can be difficult to obtained on the NHS. Alternately if you have sufficient money you could seek help from a psychodynamic therapist who would enable you to understand why you feel a lack of meaning to your existence. Suexx

[Mitchell1995]

Thankyou everyone it means so much

[Gambit62 in reply to Mitchell1995]

I love Robin Williams - lot of pathos and humour - but there is a bit of me that wishes he wasn't giving me the v sign

[Hidden in reply to Mitchell1995]

Mitchell, depression is an awful illness, but remember it is just that. It is not you, it is an illness making you think these things. It can be fixed and these feelings and thoughts dont last forever. It is definitely worth speaking to your GP about it as they can help, it is important that you tell the doctor how bad you are feeling........ If you are feeling really desperate until that point then the Samaritans are fantastic over the phone. Its important to remember that it is an illness and like any illness it can be fixed with the right treatment. Unfortunately lack of sleep and constant tiredness exaggerates the symptoms, so try and get some help sleeping also. Relaxation exercises may seem fruitless while you are doing them but worth it in the long run as it helps to reduce the anxiety you are experiencing. There is a lot of help and support out there just have a look online..... Mind are a brilliant organisation and can help arrange therapy. 1 in 7 people are suffering the same symptoms as you so you are not alone. Remember nothing lasts forever and those feelings will pass. Make sure you see your GP and get the help that is out there for you. Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[katie2012]

Hey, I can relate to the feeling of emptiness and feeling as though something is missing. I also know what it's like to suffer from poor sleep. I didn't get more than 2-3 hours sleep for 4-5months and it was a definite contributing factor to my depression and anxiety issues. I took sleeping pills for a couple of weeks but they are highly addictive!! I then tried doing a online CBT course, which I have to say I was very sceptical of, but it was really good and helpful. I managed to get it paid for through my GP so you could ask them if they have anything available to them? Hope you manage to get some sleep soon

[Hidden]

Hi Mitchell and welcome to the site. I am sorry you are in such a dark place at the moment. But I know from experience that things will start to look up again but you do urgently need to see your doctor for help. I also know from experience that when depression hits you cannot rely on your feelings because you can't at the moment be objective.

You have to put your trust in your loved ones and medical professionals to help you. Once you start to feel a bit better (and you will) then you will be able to see things more clearly. Depressions clouds issues and produces only negatives which is why you are feeling so bad at the moment. We all understand depression on this site and will do our best to help and support you. Thinking of you. x

[Hidden]

Hello BOB here

You are telling us your intentions

that is good, you are only just mulling it over, you still know that the whole idea is wrong and you still realize that. Your lady seems, most probably a stable factor in your life, someone who is there for you when required. This is now so important that you are in a stable relationship.

It is difficult to know what brought this on, sleepless nights to the extent you are suffering from must have , possibly some reason that you have not explained, you need to discuss this with someone you trust.

From experience I know that suicide is not the way to go, most first attempts fail I understand, one of the reasons of this is fear of what you have done and its consequences,understand an attempt at suicide is in now way herioc, it is those who are left behind are the heroes in most peoples eyes.

Say you managed to complete the sanction, who would you leave behind, they would feel anger, sadness and a feeling of been cheated.

If you were discovered, or you called the medical teams, your feeling would be very mixed, you have bottled out thank goodness now you are now on the way to hospital, they have started to ask questions, they are now treating you as you go. When you arrive at they wheel you in to A and E. Now they will go to town with you, the treatment are herioc and very invasive, you will most probably be in pain because of this. People who love and need you now have been told what has happened, their shock will present itself as sadness, shock at your action.

When the shock has lapsed they will wonder why, is He blackmailing us, them this with other thoughts come to the why did He do is He is selfish, we cannot trust him again. Those who love you will feel that they were to blame.

Remember all actions will have consequences, many you would not want yourself to suffer. A and E are also a busy department they will deal with you, although they will not have time for personal attention, you will lick your wounds and be sent home

You need to see the GP as soon as possible they will notify a crisis team to see you.

If you have a severe feeling then go through the NHS emergency line they will arrange assistance

If you prefer phone Samaritans they will talk to you

Remember you if required you can come back on this site as you have seen many are here to give support

All the best

BOB

[jackolantern125]

Mitchell. It doesn't take courage to end it all. Just the opposite. I to have suffered similarly in the past. I sought medical help immediately. Depression is a lousy creeping monster that can catch us all unawares. Trust me, the woman in your life cannot handle you resorting to the ultimate escape. This world is a very tough place for many people. Many are unable to even manage to find enough food to survive. Imagine being born and realising you are living in an African war zone. Having to scratch at the dry earth in order to grow a crop. Wondering when you or your children are going to die from starvation. Oh how lucky we are in the UK. Keep the faith Mitchell old boy. Get the medical input you really do need. You WILL benefit. When you feel desperate, just think of those around the world that have NO hope. I will be thinking of you and sincerely hope you find the steely resolve you are most certainly capable of.

[Billy444]

Wow! You are wonderful people out there.Your replies to Mitchell are so caring. new to the site tonight! Back myself in Your place Mitchell.But believe these guys it will get better i promise!! Please Please go to your GP!! And everybody else! you have restored my faith in humankind! thanku xx