I don't know if I'm properly depressed or not?

Since I was about 14 (I'm almost 19 now) I've been feeling depressed on an off, roughly a month about but sometimes it'll be 'feeling down for 2 month, okay for 1' etc. It never seems to be a steady period of constantly feeling depressed or feeling alright.

This years probably been the worst so far. I was stressed out with my college exam back in April because it determined whether I got into uni or not. I felt really down the whole of March & April but perked up a bit in May & June because I was off for summer. I got a bit weighed down with money worries etc over July & August and I was spending a lot more time in the house and crying a lot. I went on holiday abroad in August with my friends and had a great time but I still found myself in the hotel room crying about random stuff whenever my friends went to the shops or the pool etc and it was stuff that you shouldn't even be bothered about that much, nevermind on holiday.

Since coming home I felt so down but I assumed it was holiday blues and got on with it. I started uni in September and also increased my hours at work and since then life in general has been a nightmare. I love working at the moment because I love my new department I'm in so I actually look forward to going there (I think it's the only thing that's keeping me going in general). However, I hate uni with a passion. I don't know what it is, I'm quite clever and I do like my course but I can't find any motivation and I'd much rather spend the day in bed crying for everything under the sun before dragging myself to work at night. I would leave uni if I could but I need to go whether I like it or not.

I'm supposed to be there now and, no surprise, I'm lying in my bed writing this instead.

I think I need to go to the doctors but I find my symptoms weird because I feel so depressed just now but then I'll go to work and be fine, probably be quite happy. It's the same when I finally go to uni or go out with my friends I actually quite enjoy it but its the bit before that stresses/depresses me so I don't know if I have depression or not. I'm so confused and just so fed up feeling this way when it's been about 5 years so far. Thanks to anyone who reads this, I know it's really long x


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6 Replies

  • You do sound as if the whole uni thing is stressing you out.

    There aren't any rules about being depressed - there are some on-line questionaires you can do to see if you are depressed - I think there is one on the NHS site - so you could try that and see what it comes out with.

    Do you have a diary/record of your moods or would you be able to put one together before you went to the doctor?

  • Just wanted to add that it's okay not to like Uni - I hated my time at university :)

  • That reassures me so much haha, everyone I speak to including friends at uni all seem so shocked when I say I hate uni because it's meant to be 'the best days of your life', overall uni just makes me realise education is never going to be something I'm good at, guess I've just got to persevere! Only another 3 and a half years left....

  • You have to pass a 32 page exam before you can get depressed status. We don't let anyone join you know! ;)

    Seriously though, there are no right or wrong answers. You certainly sound as though things are tough for you just now and you've got nothing to lose by going to have a chat with your GP. Good luck x

  • When I was at that point in my life my courses were stressfull too. I did perservere even with depression because I had friends who helped me and therapy. Write a diary, it does help to find out where your moods are at and what is triggering them. Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and could be hormonally related (adolescence) or any number of things. Get it checked out and always take it seriously.

  • I'm going to try and get a doctors appointment sometime this week or next and just have a chat with them, I might try and write down my moods before then so they can get a better picture. Thanks so much for all your replies though, they were so much more positive that I expected, I mentioned depression to a few of my friends before in general discussion and it felt like they just kind of dismissed it. I hope you're all doing well :)

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