bad week this week

[tez1263]

Firstly before i go any further, can i start off by thanking everybody that has commented on my posts that i've put on here, i thank you all from the depths, it's very much appreciated believe me, you've all been so kind and understanding of my situation. too many to thank individually so i'm doing an all in one. 'Thank you' to all.

Little did i know how hard 'The Black Dog' would come and bite me again after 4yrs of being free but, it has and now i'm on meds again , something which i never thought i would be ever again, after so long and,after coming so damn far. It's not just my daughter that has been a major upset to me, it's also a good ( or so i thought )friend who, told me she didn't have time for me( in respect of making time to see me ) as she was so busy to make time for me never mind seeing other friends of hers( yet i know she's had time ) nobody is busy 24/7- 7days a week that if you were worth anything to you and they truly cared about you, they would make time.. wouldn't they?..( why would she txt me to see if i was ok, ask me what was wrong and then consequently ignore me?( Last txt i had was Fri. asking me what was up and sending me hugs hoping that i was ok, sent one back saying sorry for late reply but meds knocked me out and i needed her to fone me yesterday morning when i awoke.. nothing back yet) .. that's just cruel and heartless yet, when she's needed me or my help, i've been there.

For about 3/4 months now i've been asking her to meet up, go for a coffee, and do things that we'd have a laugh at, do random trips somewhere , but i always got the same answer( too busy ) yet i've always treated her with the respect she deserved and i get treated like this!.. night after night for those 3/4 months i've spent on my own, no adult interaction, no conversation and it's really bitten me so hard. I feel used and not worthy of anybody now because i let down barriers i'd built up over time, down slowly to her and told her my most intimate details and things i'd never told anybody else about myself that have happened to me. why do that?.. i've always left lines of communication open to her, fully understood that she is/was busy and said 'it's ok, i understand' and left it at that, no arguments, no bringing up 'you took your time to reply', just carried on as normal.. Now the barriers are back up again even higher than ever.. why do people do that to somebody who cares about how they are and what they do?.. so wrong, i feel so damn low that i've been treated like i'm something that has been trodden in and wiped off without a 2nd thought of how it would affect me in the long run...

[Gambit62]

Good to hear from you but sorry to hear that everything feels so black.

Please don't see being back on the meds as a failing ... more like taking a vitamin boost when you are feeling low, though it does have the downside of having to deal more with the medics.

Really sorry to hear that you are feeling so let down by your friend - though I have been in similar places as will a lot of others here. I know its particularly hard because you are so isolated. It may be that she genuinely is busy and the odd text is all she can fit in at the moment - try to entertain that as a possibility - has to be better than driving yourself crazy going round in small circles relieving all the pain of being let down all the time. Friendship does mean different things to different people and if she has family then it may be that they are taking up all her energy ... I'd rather spend time with friends than family but my friends are usually the other way round and it can really hurt when it happens. Its good that you can remember the times when you laughed together though I know that at the moment that just brings the feeling of frustration that you can't enjoy that at the moment. Is it possible that her absence is bringing up feelings in your subconscious that really relate to other people and times and a fear that something similar is going to happen?

Anyway, people will always be here to support you.

[Suzie40]

It sounds as though you need her friendship more than she needs yours. That sounds horrible, I know, but like all things, relationships between friends evolve. There were people I was really close to as a teenager and in my twenties, and now we barely see each other. There are friends who I would make time for, and some that I just can't.

I obviously don't know your friend, but it is possible that she has her own needs relating to depression or mental health, and it might be for her that someone with similar difficulties is just a bit too real for her. I have a good friend called Rhian, and she suffers with many of the same problems as me. If I'm feeling down, and need to surround myself with positivitity, as much as I love her, she's the wrong person to be around.

I think you need to channel your feelings of anger in a positive way. Your friend is not responsible for your happiness - you are. What can you do to make new friends? An evening class perhaps? Maybe look up some old friends on Facebook and invite them for coffee? Loneliness is horrible and someone you thought would always be there for you, suddenly not being, is almost a kind of grief.

Hang on in there, explore opportunities with new people and try not to be angry with your friend xx