What to do?

[Jazzybear]

Hi,I needs me advice please I think my husband is mentally ill.he has always been a depressive but I have always been the stronger one in the relationship. 12 years ago I went blind overnight we had just moved to a new area which neither of us knew,I was devastated lost my job etc and spent 4months coming to terms with it.i stated to get my life back together piece by piece he told me then he had lost his best friend being me. The years went by and he started to treat me as if I was stupid I would start a task he would take over and make me feel inadequate.he stated being nasty and didn't want me near him in anyway shape or form. Last month I fell really ill and was diagnosed with swollen brain,he took me for MRIs then disappeared for a week and left me alone with no calls from him or anything..when he came back he was as if nothing had happened,I was and still am so ill he has ignored me completely my vomiting and this blinding pain if I ask him a question he shouts with hate he can't cope with illness.he's a loner no friends he lacks confidence and responsibility of any sort . But he is always right and he twists things to his way of thinking,he's quite paranoid a bout everything doesn't see the good in people only they are useless to him. What should I do.i have no one near and am a prisoner in my own home.its no good tring to talk to him I just get verbal abuse

[Gambit62]

Really sorry to hear about this.

The big thing is that you really need to sit down and think about what it is you need and forget about him. It sort of sounds as if the relationship has become abusive and you really need to get out of it. I know that is a really scary idea when you are ill but must be a lot more so when you aren't.

Does his behaviour contribute to your isolation, ie does he discourage you from making contact with friends and family - assuming you have family and other friends. If you do have family and other friends then may be you could try getting in contact with them, and may be visit them.

Wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make it easy for you to get away.

My marriage broke down about 10 years ago - there were probably some similarities in that he was chronically insecure and just blamed everyone else for his insecurity - which in the end also included me. He turned me into a monster in his head and I could feel myself turning into a monster. His dad was ill so he disappeared to look after his dad and would sort of come home but each time it felt as if he was leaving to get away from me rather than because he wanted to see his dad. When I asked him about it he said that was what was happening and the next thing was a letter from a solicitor telling me he was divorcing me ... so cowardly that I think that is what killed the relationship from my side. He then said he'd had a nervous breakdown and things got dragged out for a number of years - partly because once it became obvious that he really didn't want to live with me any more and that wasn't going to change he wanted to go for a no-fault divorce.

I really hope you have got some family or a friend that you could go and stay with for a while whilst you recover.

[Suzie40]

It's not for anyone here to comment on whether he's mentally ill or not, but from reading your post it certainly sounds as though you've both been through a really rough patch. I can't imagine what it would be like to suddenly turn blind, but it would obviously completely change your life. Have you and your husband been offered any counselling or support for your illness? If he's already suffering with depression, he may find it especially hard to come to terms with his wife being so poorly and his worry and anxieties are possibly manifesting themselves as anger towards you. My Mum is poorly and sometimes I am horrible to her. It's not that I see her as someone I want to be horrible to - quite the opposite in fact. It's just a way I express myself when I feel helpless to support her. It sounds to me as though you are both grieving the relationship you had before you were ill, and this is what you need to explore x