Please help, I think my husband is suffering from depression he has not been the same for the last 3-4 months.

[table1995]

He says all the thoughts in his head are messed up, and that he loves me but he is not in love with me. He thinks this might be the depression talking. He has suffered before but he will not go to the doctors or anything so am trying to work out how I can help him.

[Hidden]

Hi

I wonder whether he is trying to deny being depressed despite saying the depression is making him say things he may not mean. I wonder whether you could get him to do one of the online depression questionnaires online and see how depressed he really is. Another option would be to go together to talk to someone from Relate as that might help him open up about his expectations of your relationship and whether they are unrealistic or it is depression making him feel the way he does - they charge according to your means. You would go with him too and that may feel supportive. It is important whatever you do that he knows you would like to try to help him and that you worry that otherwise your relationship may be affected - perhaps he will seek help for you, I know that has been the only way my husband has ever sought help, when he has thought it was for my sake. You could consider seeing a private counsellor if you could afford it, talking together about what the problem really is would be helpful.

I hope you manage to get him to talk with someone outside the relationship about how he is feeling because it sounds as if you are really concerned about him.

Suexx

[njjj]

Erm this is my first post and I'm not too sure on the protocol. I'm too going though a bad patch and I'm not really sure which way to turn. My husband is being supportive and telling me to seek help, at which I only ignore him completely or turn to anger.

I'm not sure which way is up at the moment or how to get through each day

[David196 in reply to njjj]

Hi njjj.

Many of us here will understand the feelings you describe, the anger and confusion and just trying to get through each day.

I also have times in which I don't know which way to turn. When I hit a bad patch I know my thoughts and decisions are probably flawed and need to take a pause or wait till my emotions and negative thoughts subside. It's great your husband is being supportive although he wont be able to understand what you are going through he will know you are not your usual self.

My wife is amazingly patient but if she tries to tell me what to do I feel angry and misunderstood.

I found that talking to my doctor and seeking support did help. I still can not keep going sometimes without the support from others. I find it difficult to talk with my wife and have only shared what I am going through with a couple of close friends.

Please say thanks to your husband for his support and recognise, if you don't know which way to turn, you do need to seek more help, either by talking to family and friends or by a talk with your GP.

Its great that you have looked for support here. You did join a conversation and I think the usual procedure would be to ask a question yourself using the button at the top of the page.

Take care

Dave

[table1995]

Ty all for responses, he has done an online assessment which says he is depressed. I am just making sure I am there for him. And like your husband Newaysgirl I am

making sure he eats and doing what ever he needs me to do to help him. He only told me about these feelings he had because we have always promised to be open with each other. Yes I am scared because of his depression that I will lose him, but no matter what I will be there for him. Might be strange but is finding talking to me via emails etc is helping him. So fingers crossed as he will not go to doctors that this helps xxx

[kevinc53]

The best thing for you to do I support him and be there all the way. The things he saying is definitely the illness talking and I wouldn't take much notice of it how ever hard it is. I went through severe depression 2 years ago and lost my partner after a few months of saying nasty things that I'm not proud off. I regretted everything tot point of no return and I am now trying to get back on my own 2 feet. I now miss my partner dearly but things happened and now I have to move on to a new chapter in my life. I do hope you get him to the doctors and I wish him the best and a full recovery. Depression is a horrible thing for someone to go through and no one will understand how to treat it but going to the doctors is definitely a start.