How can I deal with that situation?

Hi everyone, I am 31, and I feel all the time really low and it has been for long time. I broke up with my ex last year ( 7 years together) and I feel really lonely. I am from Spain so I don't have family here and not many closed friends. I feel really lonely and spent the whole weekend alone and nothing to do.

I tried to do activities like tennis club but if I find any simple difficulty , I just make an excuse to dont go. I tried to look for another job in another location with more people as London but I haven't had much luck. All look so difficult and so complicated that I feel stuck. Please I need advise ... Thanks

10 Replies

  • Hi there

    Even the littlest things can seem overwhelming when you're depressed. Simple jobs around the house and short trips out can become impossible tasks.

    You haven't mentioned what support you're receiving. Do you have a diagnosis of depression? Are you under GP care? X

  • No, I haven't been diagnosed and I have never been in doctors for that . The thing is I am embarrassed to go to doctors because I work in a medical environment and I don't want to people know about my problems .

  • Hey you must never, ever be embarrassed about feeling down. It happens to all sorts of people, including those who work in the medical profession. The only person who needs to know about your situation (it's not a problem) is your GP, and even if you worked in the surgery your information would be treated with confidence. Have a think about it, but I'm the meantime, make some friends on here. There is always someone to chat to and share your thoughts. You're not alone xx

  • Thanks I really appreciate your words

  • It takes time to adjust to a new life after seven years with a partner, especially if you used to spend most of your free time with him too. I've always been shy, but I have now found some situations where I can chat comfortably, So maybe try out several different clubs etc, to see if you feel comfortable in any of them. Can you talk through your feelings on the phone with family? Is there a strong spanish community in your area to link into?

    Only you know how low you feel, it might take a little time to get a referel for counselling services ,so ask for help from G.P. sooner rather than later. If you don't feel comfortable going through a G.P, in some areas you can self-refer, or pay to go private. Most local counsels run lots of group self confidence type courses as well.

    Not sure what your attitude is to meds? A mild dose might help short term to help you get through the worst phase .

    Not sure how your financial situation is, but the council run adult education courses can keep you busy doing something interesting on those evenings when otherwise you would just curl up on the sofa and feel blue.'

    Remember the expression "you can't run before you learn to walk"? Don't get angry at yourself if you can't make progress in big strides , but for now accept that only small steps are possible, you have the power to choose what direction you go in. A

  • Hi Jackie I am sorry you feel so lonely. Join the club. I live on my own and am not working at the moment. I do have friends and a good social life so I am not so isolated. But they are often busy with their jobs and their own families so I do spend quite a bit of time on my own. I know it's not easy but you need to get yourself out and about. Join things if you can and don't give up until you find something you enjoy and feel comfortable with.

    I understand what you are saying about being worried about saying something because you work in a medical environment. I have a good friend who is an ex nurse and she said it is a no go area admitting you have mental health problems if you work in the system. Only you can decide if it's worth it. I do think though a visit to your doctor (if it doesn't comprise your position) is well worthwhile. There is a lot of help you can get from your doctor. It's got to be better than suffering in silence.

    Good luck with it.

    Bev xx

  • Never be embarassed about being down. My psychologist admits he gets depressed from time to time. No-one is immune fron depression. Go to your GP and see if you can get some help. Have you tried joining a yoga class, beneficial to you and you will meet people too. Good luck.

  • hello I know how you feel I am very lonely only have on good friend. I am divorced and suffer from anxiety and depression. I agree with the other answers you should go and see your gp.

  • Few ideas and only the more rational side of ... dreams - memories. Better than that - it is the best Pandora's box of treasures.

  • I've found being on your own is one of the biggest catalysts for a depressive cycle. You feel like withdrawing, so you spend less time around people, which in turn leads you to ruminate on things and feel worse about yourself, so you withdraw even more... the cycle goes on.

    Speaking from personal experience, try tackling small things, and slowly. This could even be something like cleaning the dishes, phoning a family member, going down to the shop for a pint of milk... something that feels like a chore but at the same time is achievable in your current state. I don't pretend to practice what I preach: of course we all get days when nothing gets done.

    Another thing I would advise is to see a health professional! I can only imagine how uncomfortable it would be to approach people you would work with about your own problems, but you need all the help you can get to overcome this, and the more support you can get the easier it will be!

    Hope my words have been of some help. Best wishes to you,


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