I think I am going into another depressive episode. All the signs are there - introspection, brooding about the past and just being generally very negative about life and people. I hate these thoughts and feelings but don't know how to stop them. I am not looking for advice or sympathy just understanding and the knowledge that I am not alone and reassurance I am not this awful person I know I am. I just can't be bothered to do anything. But I need company so have to force myself out (dragging more like). I feel totally out of sorts with myself and am questioning everything I feel and do. I feel no one wants me and in some ways this hot weather is making it worse. Everyone seems to have someone to share it with - I have the dog and that's it! I haven't seen my oldest and closest friends for a while and one of them doesn't even reply to my texts... I feel so alone and abandoned and unwanted. Does anyone understand how I feel?
I am going through exactly the same episode at the moment too.
I was doing so well but i just find myself feeling very sorry for myself and allow my thought to make it worse and worse. Even watching couples on soaps gets me upset and my sister is home constantly talking about her boyfriend.
Im just so fed up.
So Bev you are not alone. And we both no we are not awful people, but the depression sucks us down and lets us believe that and we know its irrational but cant help it.
Really hoping you feel better soon and big hugs from me,
I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same but I have people around me. They don't really understand how I feel. I have tried to explain but they just say I am silly. I feel negative about everything at the moment. I am so tired and irritable. The heat definitely doesn't help. Other people feel tired too with the heat but I feel totally exhausted. I have no energy or enthusiasm to do anything. I said to my wife last night that I get no pleasure from anything anymore. She just got offended which is not how I meant it to sound. Glad we aren't alone. I am not looking for sympathy either or advice but just understanding.
Take it one day at a time. Find small things to give us pleasure. I am listening to music sat alone which I enjoy.
Take care.
David
Hi Bev
You didn't ramble, you just said how you are feeling! I don't feel the way you describe right now but you may recall the blogs I have written when I've been feeling as you do.
I am sorry you are feeling the low feelings coming on again, all you can do really is to ride them out and wait for the self-pity to pass while taking steps to take care of yourself, so sleep when you feel like it, eat well (easier said than done) have some people you can contact when you feel rotten - perhaps on this website if nowhere else), try to find some things that do cheer you up and write them big and bold on paper and pin it to the wall to remind you, then wait for it to pass. Sounds easy I know but it does help to shift things I find.
I can't remember whether you have said in earlier blogs, but do you have anyone to turn to just for you, someone you don't have to be super-sociable with and can just phone when you feel down? It sounds like you need someone to be with but without the demand of having to be sociable and I'm wondering whether you have seen a counsellor or therapist? Sorry I can't remember whether you have said before. I do think you need someone to talk through why you are so lonely but feel unable to find things to join in with. I have a similar problem but the more I understand why the more I seem able to make steps towards connecting with more people on a day to day basis.
I do hope you manage to find comfort, and bigs hugs from me too.
Suexxx
I hope you pick up again and
in reply to
Thanks so much Sue. I know you understand - you always do. Thats exactly how it is. I need people to be with where I haven't got to make an effort to be sociable Just someone to watch telly with or do things with - go out shopping with them and trundle along. Someone of my own. Someone who wants to hang out with me. Buts that impossible so thats
that! Thats why I'm lonely. Theres no cure for that I'm afraid. All I can do is try to fill my life with part-time people so I am too busy to think about it much.
Bev x
in reply to
Hi
Shame you don't live near me as I like that kind of just going around with feeling sometimes too!
You know Bev, I have realised that when I am feeling lonely and want someone who wants to hang out with me that feeling goes way back to my having wanted my mum to spend time with me, now I just have a good cry and maybe write on here or something like that, listen to Classic fm and find myself smiling anyway. Every time I get low now I'm trying to find ways to get myself out of it because life suddenly feels too short to waste. I guess I must be feeling my age!
I was expecting a ten pager when I saw your ramble warning! I think it's important to remember that just as you know yourself well enough to be able to predict the arrival of the hurricane, you also know that it'll pass again. What has helped me in the past is being able to think back to how I felt before I hit a low and picture myself there again in he future. Because I know that depressive phases pass eventually, I can imagine the light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can't see it.
Thinking of you. I seem to be dipping in and out of the lows constantly. You are a fab person, you have helped me a lot. You can be sure of that,
I too feel lonely and I know it's hard to do something about it.....wanted you to knowim thinking of you.
Hope it passes soon and you feel better, it will I am sure
Sue xxx
Hi
I agree with all the other replies! I felt angry yesterday about not being able to sell our house, got angry with my husband for not being more proactive - we need to simplify the garden as although we love the lushness and all the climbing roses they put people off buying the house - then felt helpless as he's a head in the sand person and just walked away, then tipped into feeling really low. Today I'm thinking how silly it was to get so down - I still feel helpless and still wish he was someone who would take control of things and help me to get them moving so that WE can move house - but I'm also thinking that I can't change him and can't change reality, and at least I am alive and reasonably well, we have a nice house and garden, enough money, etc etc. It's amazing how one thing can tip me onto a helter skelter and how difficult it is to THINK and hold onto the good things - like flowers, music, the sun, etc.
Suexx
Much appreciate all your replies everyone. It has helped and not feeling quite so bad as I was. The trouble is I really don't have anyone around me who I can talk to. Not since my best friend moved away about 4 years ago. My other best mate is the one who isn't replying to my texts. I do understand this as she is heavily pregnant again (at the age of 44) and is very much loved up. But I haven't seen her for about a month. I want to be there for her and be as supportive as she has always been to me. But my friends all have other priorities - their partners, kids etc. and I don't come very high up that list. Its my fault I guess for not having my own family. My only family, apart from a hermit sister and a thief sister is my youngest sister. She has a grown up son and 2 stepchildren, one of whom has 2 young sons. I never see them and am very rarely invited round to hers. Its hard knowing I am not wanted. And I am lonely. I am not working and I live on my own. I do have good social life and go out 3/4 times a week but I only ever get left over bits of peoples lives - crumbs from the table and its not enough. During the day I only have the dog to take out. I am a sociable person and am desperate for more company but can't seem to find any. In desperation I joined a meeting place for over 55's and have ended up playing scrabble on Mondays with quite a posh woman and an old guy in a wheelchair. There were a few others doing arts and crafts. But they all seem to have knowledge of it and there isn't a teacher so I can't really join in. And judging from their comments to each other they are a reactionary bunch and were slagging off those on benefits last week (I am on Jobseekers Allowance). I live in quite a posh area and there are loads of pretentious twats here.
Run out of things to say. I am just lonely.
Bev x
If I was a nicer person more people would want me around wouldn't they? I can't keep blaming other people when the fault must lie in me.
I understand million percent , I am alone , My Mum died almost 2 years ago , haven't seen my sister or spoken to her in over a year .Lost contact with my friends . Don't see my daughter much . life is hell . xx
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