I feel so horrible,I can't sit at peace for one minute. I feel like I'm being torn up inside,I hear screaming and screeching in my head,I wish I could crawl out of this body that's keeping me trapped on earth,and I wish my soul would disappear into nothingness so I wouldn't have to feel anymore..
I have ruined my whole life by making wrong choices,drugs,wrong men,crime etc.
My body's a mess of scars and ugly varicose veins from years of injecting and the scars of the lifestile that comes with being a useless junky.
I am 37,I'm alone,I have no kids,I isolate and hide away from people who care about me
and I just want it to end.
But I am still someone's daughter,someones sister,and I know it would leave them devastated
if I took the so-called cowards way out,but believe me,I've tried a few times,and it takes
more courage than anything else I've ever came across in my life.
I just want to stop suffering,want to make my family and loved ones proud..
I don't want to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety,dread and regrets. I want out.
but I've got to stay.