Fear Of The Future

I am having counselling for depression and anxiety, which is going to last approximately 10 sessions. When I am with Sarah (my counsellor) I feel alive again, life is fun again, she smiles as we chat, I am really happy when I talk through my problems with her, I am not sure how I will manage when the counselling ends, I would love her to be my friend and not just my counsellor, I would love it if we could meet up for a coffee and just chat.

I am happily married and have been for 29 years, I have had many female friends in the past, I have never been unfaithful and don't think I ever would be.

Some weeks other than my wife, Sarah is the only person I see, it's like I'm having an affair with the bedroom stuff, and to be honest I like it.

It's it wrong for me to feel this way?

2 Replies

  • Hi,

    It's not wrong, it's normal!

    It sounds like you are in the honeymoon phase of counselling or therapy which some people feel as strongly as you. I also went through a similar phase with my therapist, all five of them, each in turn. Do tell Sarah how you feel if you are able to. Probably she will say things back to you that will bring your tears, but that is what counselling is for, to get at the feelings that you need help with. It sounds as though you are lonely for female friendship? Is your wife your friend, or just your wife? I wonder whether you might talk about that with the Sarah too? Counselling and therapy are intended to raise strong feelings but you can only benefit it you share how you feel with the person, in your case Sarah. Perhaps you are depressed because you would like the excitement and sense of enjoyment of falling in love again, that's a natural feeling as we age and you have been married for 29 years so it will be a long time since you have had those feelings. I wonder whether you might talk with Sarah about ways that you can fall IN LOVE and not just be happy with your wife again? Marriages tend to become settled but less exciting and sometimes we need the excitement too. It may also be that you are lonely in other ways and need care.


  • I understand how you are feeling. I'm starting to panic about how I will cope without mine. I love talking to him and between appointments I find myself imagining him speaking to me. It's a bit warped, I know! I asked him last week how many sessions I would have, and he said 'some people need five, some people need fifteen'. My immediate thought was that I would start pretending I felt worse than I actually do, to make sure I get fifteen! It's not as though I fancy him or anything, in fact I'm fairly sure he's gay, I just love talking to him and the comfort I get from that. What you need to remember is that if you met her for coffee, it would be in a completely different capacity and you wouldn't have the same conversations. You wouldn't like it as much. Sarah sounds very lovely and I am sure you will end your sessions with lots of fond memories. And if you need something to hang onto, I'm sure you can get re-referred to her at a later date. By which time, you probably wont feel as attached.

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