Acceptance

[Valorrian]

Hi,

I'm Val. I lost my hearing a couple of years ago due to meningitis. At the time I was very angry, depressed and wished I would have died. Recently though, I've decided to get out and start living again. I went for a hearing aid eval and the audiologist suggested I go to an ENT for a cochlear implant eval. I went through the eval process and did not qualify.

I am having nightmares and panics attacks now. I am anxious and feel myself reverting to isolation and not wanting to get out. I want to be able to accept my hearing loss and move on. I want a live again. I just don't know how to go out and get it as a person that cannot hear in a hearing world.

My mom set up someone from church to teach me sign language. I've had one lesson so far and it is overwhelming. After being sick I am not sure my mind works like it use to. I feel like I am forgetful, and it's hard for me to focus when I am suppose to. I feel like I am drifting when people talk me and I don't understand them. I don't want to look deaf and dumb.

I'd like to make some friends here and not isolate so much. Thanks.

[GRboyRiches]

I did reply to your Quattro enquiry....I think you need a good assessment for suitability of HA’s to find what or if suits best, I’m sure there is something out there that will suit, you must find this out first, don’t rush into buying, try any HA first, because it’s always a suck it and see scenario with any aid, it’s what you like.

[Valorrian in reply to GRboyRiches]

They aren’t for me. I’m deaf. That is what the audiologist suggested for my grandfather. Just wondering if they are good one.

[Missy1951]

Hi. Why did you not qualify for a cochlear implant? Are there any hearing aids that can help at all?

Regards

Missy

[Valorrian in reply to Missy1951]

Hi Missy,

Hearing aids are not powerful enough for my hearing loss. I did not qualify for the CI because I have a lot of ossification and damage to the nerves. Those two reason preclude me from getting cochlear implants.

[Buffalosandoxen]

Hi Val.... I understand your pain and your frustration. I truly do. I would definitely try to find an in-person support group. That in-person connection will do wonders.

I also have a story that might make you feel better.

My cousin was born partially deaf. He needs hearing aids, and when he talks you can tell he is deaf. His mother had rubella while pregnant with him, and he has never known a world where he has not had hearing loss. I am sure there were many situations that were tough for him. But, Nick is still going strong and has passions and a wife. He does sign and so does his wife. He is 47. 47 years of deafness, but he is living his life. He likes to work on cars as he is a mechanic.

It is a long personal journey to accept that your body works differently than it did before, or that it works differently than how society tells us it should work in order to be happy.

I got tinnitus at 19. I was a damn mess. Anxiety, fear, sadness. But after realizing that there was nothing I could do really I slapped those feelings out of me and picked myself up. Learned more coping methods. Made myself reflect and really think about tinnitus. Heard stories of those around me who have tinnitus. This self-growth occurred because I was ready to move on to the next part of my life, the part where I don't waste any more time getting anxious about this and fighting what is reality. I came to peace with it. Took a while but I got there. When you are ready to come to peace with the anger and frustration you have about losing your hearing, I think you will start to move in a positive direction. A lot of what you are feeling now probably has to do with your anger, frustration, and sadness about what you had that now you do not have, about how your body now is different than before. Perhaps in a sense of grieving?

I think the biggest step towards this journey of personal growth and acceptance is truly internalizing that there is not one way to live i.e. having hearing is not the only way to live and have a fulfilling life. There are tons of realities and ways to live that do not follow the norm... how do people in wheel chairs get through the day? How about people with mental health disorders? Or other things? They are not living the standard of living deemed "the best". It is ingrained in us that the only way to a truly fulfilling and happy life is having a perfectly working body... but that isn't always true. In fact, people who deviate from that norm can and do have lives that are worth living. I have OCD and it is a struggle at times, and definitely not the norm, but I make it work somehow. Most people would not see OCD as a normal thing to have, and would probably think their lives would not be fulfilling if they had it. But I think my life is pretty fulfilling and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You will come to peace with this. I really suggest meeting other people with hearing loss.

[Valorrian in reply to Buffalosandoxen]

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I’m doing better with accepting my hearing loss now. I’m in therapy working on the anxiety and panic attacks. I’m making all my own doctors appointments and going by myself, driving again, learning American Sign Language, and using relay to make phone calls. I’ve enrolled in college and am taking two online classes: Intro to psychology, and intro to physiology. I’m not ready to go to the uni and take classes yet. I still have a lot of anxiety meeting new people and avoid doing it. Socializing isn’t easy for me.

At home with my family we sign to each other now. I’m not fluent in ASL but I know enough now to have full conversations in depth comfortably. I wish I would have learned it sooner. I no longer feel so isolated. I’m connected to my family again. It’s a slow process. I’m trying to focus on what I can do instead of what I can’t.

I would not function well in a group setting even if it’s a support group. I have too much anxiety. Just thinking about it makes my tinnitus roar and I feel like throwing up. Maybe down the road I’ll be able to do that.

The only deaf people I met have been through my ASL tutor. She is HOH and has lots of deaf family members. We don’t hang out outside of our lessons though. I’m slowly working on getting out more .