I simply have nothing positive to say. My last four weeks have been awful due to injury and just when I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel, the light has completely gone out. I've lost it. I ran today, 9k of hell. I ached all over. I felt heavy and old. Decrepid. It wasn't just my leg muscle, but the other leg, my knees, my back and shoulders, my thighs, just everything.
I hoped it would improve, but it just got worse and worse. And to top it off I start being mean to myself. Saying things like 'well who do you think you are? a runner: pah!' 'Did you seriously think you could do a half marathon, you must be dilusional' 'You're just kidding yourself that you could ever be fit' etc etc and my negativity just went on and on (I said a lot worse to myself) until by the end of the 'run' I was in a state of despair.
Ive given myself a good talking to since I've got back "it's just one run" and all of that. But I am struggling to see beyond it at the moment. I may ache because of the swimming etc that I've been doing, but heck, I can't run as much as I want to and I don't want to go back to the couch. So I quite honestly don't know where to go from here.
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TJFlute
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I had gone into a downward spiral during the run, and I don't know where all the self doubt came from. I couldn't see anything positive in todays run because it was so slow and painful, but hadn't really acknowledged it for what it is: 9k after a difficult month.
I'm with Greg on this.....You ran 9k after loads of off/on injury time....same amount of time as me , with my groin and my broken toe.....I know I couldn't run 9k at the moment without something ( or everything ! ) hurting.
Have a day off and then go out and do a short slow run. No distance, no time.
Remember why you started running....does it really matter if you don't do your half marathon this time ? Maybe you should let yourself really heal and then review what you want next from your running.
Me, I'm just grateful I can get my trainers on and go out for a half hour jog/run at the moment !!!!
I'm really pleased you gave yourself a good talking too as it will save me doing it. You have come back from a bad injury and expected it to be easy, life doesn't work that way especially in sports/exercise. So stop being so hard on yourself, take a day to rest up your aches and pains and then go and see what a nice easy jog does for your body and mind. You are always so motivated and positive and that will come back along with you strength and stamina. Good luck.
It's true what they say... that the battle with running is as much a mental one as physical one and that's what your fighting right now. The physical bit has thrown down some injury hurdles and now the gremlins on your shoulder have taken advantage and started whispering c#@p in your ear!
Please don't be discouraged. Think back to how far you've come. It's time to choose fight over flight and come up with a do-able plan to get back on track.
I had an awful run on Sunday - it was the worst yet! I ended up sat on the side of the track in floods of tears and had to get hubby to come and pick me up in the car Now that I've finished beating myself up and feeling like I never wanted to run again, I feel like I'm getting my fight back and don't want to let this negative experience rob me of running altogether.
Sometimes (particularly if we're getting over injury) it can be neccessary to re-set our goals and make things a little easier on ourselves until we're back up to speed. Maybe you should make the next run a really nice, easy, gentle one with lots of downhills - just so you can run for enjoyment and put some credit back in that possitivity tank.
Sending big hugs . Don't give up, your doing amazingly well... and YES you WILL complete that half marathon - This is just part of the journey x.
Thank you so much MrsBirdsnest. I have read your reply several times to let it sink in. Thankyou for the big hugs and positive words. This running journey of mine may be on pause for a while, but I won't hit the stop button.
I had a 'mare this morning too, only the 5k (!) and I was thinking the sameas you throughout, but when I read back to myself that you have ran;
3.11 miles
5k
Earned 1680 Nike Fuel (this is my new 'thing' for motivation)
Burned 780 calories
.........it doesn't half make you proud of what you're achieving.
9k. Wow. That's a LOOOOONG way. In a car. Never mind trying to run it and actually succeeding when you're feeling like death warmed up!
Take things one run at a time and you'll soon find that MoJo again - you're too determined for it not to. Getting out there after a lengthy break is a feat in itself. You could have not bothered, but that would have made you feel even worse!
In a funny way, I suppose this is a 'welcome back' party for you!!
Sometimes when I'm out running (actually most times) I do wonder why I'm doing it as I can't really say I enjoy it. I enjoy everything that surrounds it, reading running mags, going on this site, buying the sports gear etc etc etc, but during the runs I quite often run in a negative frame of mind until I finish the run.
So with this in mind I decided to go right back to the beginning and I started C25K again (currently on week 4) but this time at a much higher speed than I did it previously, on the treadmill twice a week, with one outside 5K run a week, last week it happened to be my first parkrun.
I'm not saying go back and start again, but this has worked for me in that it's shuffled things up again and I'm giving myself a bit of a break by not doing 3 longish runs a week as I was doing because I was putting too much pressure on myself and it sounds a little like you are putting lots of pressure on yourself too.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, although I know that's easier said than done. You've been and still are an inspiration to me
Minuette, you are dead right. I am putting too much pressure on myself. I have never been injured before, so it is all part of the learning curve. Thanks for your lovely comments x
9k? You are a star! Just compare yourself to when you could hardly run for 60 seconds without being out of breath! 9k that is waaaay more than a lot of people do!
Massive hug TJ, my heart goes out to you! You have done so well, don't give up now, you can do it! You are such a positive, kind person, show some to yourself!
What about seeing a sports physio? There might be some excercises you could do to strengthen the muscles around your joints or at least some professional advice on healing?
You have no idea how much i would give to be able to run half what you are achieving! Your inspirational and you WILL run that half marathon and you may well have similar thoughts half way round BUT you will get that medal because you are determined and your response above shows me just how much you care about it x
Thanks Nicky. you're right I really do care about it which is why I don't like to feel that things aren't going right for me. I am also determined (stubborn!) so I still hope to achieve a half marathon soon, even if it's not the one in September.
Pretty much what everyone else has said. You've always been a very positive person. I have now come back from injury (right ankle once, left knee twice) three times now. Each time needing at least two weeks off or more. It is hard to come back; but remember why you wanted to begin, those reasons are still as good now as then.
Be kind to yourself TJ; 9K is a long way!! You are still fit! Rein it in a little, go slow, if you don't get the half done, you don't. I may not do the Truro half which I was planning on; I have a 10K first, but there will be others!
There will be others, so I just need to be sensible about it. Thanks for your help and kind words. It's because of your blog on keeping fit during injury that I haven't completely gone to pot, so thank you.
I would kill to be able to run 9K - I am still stuck around 5, sometimes think I will never go faster or further.
Hope you are feeling a bit better now, if its any help to you I have spent about 4 weeks completely off - not injured just no motivation, I couldn't get myself out of the door (coincided with a rush at work so extra hours again and complete lack of success at weight loss compounded the black cloud)
Last week I went to Suffolk for my hols and made myself get up and go out early - I really enjoyed my runs there, lovely scenery and it reminded me how I love to get out into the fresh air. I hadn't lost any fitness and did my 5K really easily.
I have come back home with much more enthusiasm for running and begun to hit the road again. its supposed to be something to enjoy and give us a de-stress not another stick to beat ourselves with. If you have picked up an injury you were maybe overdoing it, Why not drop the distance drastically for a week or two and just go out for some easy relaxing runs, then get back onto your schedule. Chin up - your feet will be itching for a run soon I'm sure
I am feeling better this morning Also overwhelmed by the response; thanks for your advice. I am having a few days away and this will help to re-assess things and de-stress I am sure.
hi TJ. how on earth can you feel down about a 9k run?? 9k!!! thats fantastic after having time off. wish I could do it. my demons wouldnt let me run more than 10mins after a month off & made me wait about a month to be able to build back up to 30mins.
like the others have said, you are always there to help & support when we have bad runs & can always say something positive to make a bad run seem better, so take some of your previous advice & dont be too hard on yourself.
big hugs & best wishes for your next run. but have a nice rest after your 9k so that you are fully recovered & ready to tell those running demons where to go (nicely of course )
Hi Shelley, those blasted demons were out to get me yesterday! Glad you're back to 30 minutes!
My leg is sore today, so I will rest up (again) and I have got a couple of days away with lots of thinking time and will try not to be so hard on myself in future
Well, I only got half way through week2 before injuring myself so it was with MASIVE anticaiption I opened your blog! The last thing I needed was a downer! However, Have you ever seen so much uplifting stuff?? It really is brilliant on here
I hope you're feeling ok TJ - for what it's worth, you've really helped me today x
I do sympathise with being on a downer - I'm feeling a bit like that myself at the moment. Having said that - 9k is pretty impressive after an injury break. I'm not surprised it hurt, getting those muscles back into the swing of things. Even if you've been keeping up with other exercise, you won't have been using the same muscles in the same way. Remember the importance of resting enough between runs and remember you're supposed to enjoy it - if that means changing the format of your run or setting a different target, just do what it takes to make it fun again. Once you're enjoying it again, training for your half marathon will just seem like the next natural step. I'm sure you'll bounce back soon Good luck !
Just catching up on everyone's blogs (just found the new tab as wondered where everyone had gone!). Sorry to hear that you had such a downer but as everyone else has said...9K...9K is awesome...I dream of that!!
I hope by now things have picked up for you and you've kicked that gremlin to touch. Sending hugs and lots of positive energy and if that doesn't work go with what Mair99 recommended...wine and chocolate (always helps me)
I'm just going to go ahead and echo everyone else's comments... completing a 9k run after a month off is amazing, that's a big distance after such a long time away from the roads!
I've just had less than two weeks off and I struggled to complete 2.5k so for you to do 9k after a month is incredible.
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Now that I've finished beating myself up and feeling like I never wanted to run again, I feel like I'm getting my fight back and don't want to let this negative experience rob me of running altogether. 
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