The last 24 hours have not been good (to say the least) last night for some reason (possibly that time of year) I was hit hard with the realisation that my Mum won't be here this Christmas and that on Christmas morning there wont be the usual home made sausage rolls ,coconut tarts etc and my special brew of coffee made by Mum and to say I didn't sleep well is an understatement.
Then this morning a guy who has been missing from our face book group for walking stick makers reappeared and told us about the loss of his beloved granddaughter, which as you can imagine did nothing to lighten my mood (Poor man and his family)
This afternoon I was scheduled to visit an old guy Frank, he was 86 last week.
Over recent years I have visited him on a professional basis every 6 weeks and we have become friends and quite fond of each other, I was looking forward to one of our chats over a coffee and a chance to wish him a merry Christmas as I wouldn't be seeing him again until the new year as he was visiting family.
I rang the doorbell and his Daughter answered the door which is unusual to say the least as A) she works and B) she lives many miles away.
You can possibly see where this is going, he's been diagnosed with lung cancer and there's nothing they can do only attempt to keep him comfortable.
I spent a couple of hours with him and we had coffee and chatted and pretended there wasn't an elephant in the room and as I came away we hugged and I told him I'll see him soon, he responded with remember what I told you I don't want flowers.
So I got home and thankfully it's a run day and I got into my gear and set off, 4.5 miles and I pounded every one of them and somewhere out at around 2 miles I started to sob and I ran even harder, by about 3.5 I'd calmed and finished my run at a steadier pace but with a heavy heart, so yes it is possible to sob and run
Sorry but I needed to unload!
Written by
rolysmate
Graduate
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Oh you poor thing, there certainly seems to be something about running that releases emotions and this time of year certainly heightens that too.
Your mum would be proud of you spending time with Frank, it is a lovely thing that you do, and we all know from here how you are a sensitive and caring person.
My heart goes out to you at this time and I wish you some hope and peace over Christmas and New Year. And unload away - that’s what we are here for...
What a difficult, horrible day. Christmas is one time of year when we remember our loved ones and the gaps that they leave in our lives when they leave. But you know that your mum is with you at Christmas and all year in your memories and in the qualities (and faults?) that she left with you. If we don't feel grief and sadness then we can't experience love or empathy. Your 'professional' friend will know that you care about him and you must know that you have been an important person in your life. As for losing a grandchild, words fail me....
I think that running unclogs the body (think sweat, snot and worse!) and maybe it unclogs the emotions too; so yes, run and sob; it's a physically and psychologically healthy thing to do.
Thank you for telling us about your day, it is a privilege to be trusted with it.
So sorry you have had such a crap 💩 time. Three horrible things!! I also approach Christmas with a heavy heart as is the first one in my 50 years without my beloved nan who died in February. So I can kind of guess where you are coming from . Hope your run cleared some cobwebs.
I share your feelings . There are two huge gaps in our family this Christmas .... my aunt died just after Christmas last year .... she was like a mum to me as my ‘proper’ mum died 25years ago .... my Dad died in July . The dynamics of our family has changed dramatically ...... it comes hard to realise you are now the elder statesman of the family .
Feel your pain..we are 3 members of the family down this year...broke my heart not to have to write a Christmas card for my nan 😢😢
Really so sorry. Sometimes these things come all at once. Im so glad you could share it, and that you were able to let it out when you ran. Hugs, youre a top bloke xxx
Oh, I am so very sorry to hear all this sad news. What a very difficult time for you. I can understand why you were feeling so emotional. I’m so glad you were able to get out and run and let some of your emotions free. What a great way to help you through a stressful time. Thinking of you and your family and friends. 🤗
I am so sorry to read this. I don't think our grief and losses ever leave us but we learn to walk alongside them. However they have a way of suddenly reminding us they are there. Christmas makes our thoughts turn to family and nostalgia, so it is natural to feel the loss of our loved ones more keenly. The other two stories you have mentioned are terribly sad too. How do you deal with losing a grandchild?
I hope that your run was cathartic and helped restore your balance a little. Thinking of you.
What a terrible day for you! So sorry... Hope the run was efficient and relieved the burden a little. Like Helene, I think we learn to live with the loss of our loved ones and some days are better than others at doing so. Big hug for you.
Oh Rolysmate, I'm sorry- cyber hug winging to you. Running and sobbing seems very appropriate in the circumstances. Hope you had a big man-hankie with you.
I found that Christmas after a loss was a good time to have a "different Christmas" - I remember one, when we had a long - and as it turned out beautiful- walk at the time when we would usually have been indoors. Changing the pattern of the day and finding some simple things to enjoy felt a positive way to tackle the sadness.
I’ve got tears in my eyes reading this rolysmate ...yes, it is possible to run & sob, I am guilty of it & my tears were mixed with the rain that was running down my face at the same time....I’m sending you a big hug...what a lovely friend you’ve been to Frank...& had special times with him that you can treasure....the same goes for your Mum...it’s very raw for you, time is the only thing that can heal you...and the heavy heart you have now, in time, will be replaced with a warm comforting feeling that she was once a part of your Christmas Day but is still part of it only in a different way....Frank will be in your head & your heart forever too....how terrible for your walking stick friend? Losing his Grand Daughter is heartbreaking...running has helped me so much over the last few weeks....it brings out so many emotions & feelings that might otherwise be locked inside forever....thinking of you xxx
I can empathise so much with your post . I lost my Mam last Christmas Day, and I have spent the last few weeks becoming increasingly teary as her first Anniversary approaches .
Emotions, sadness and losses all seem to be magnified at this time of year . I have my Faith which has helped me tremendously and sometimes I go sit in Church, light a candle for her and my Dad and just sit in the peace and calmness and have a little cry .
Be kind to yourself , they never really leave us you know, they always live on in our hearts xxx
Our Mums may not be around but they never leave us Rolysmate... Christmas isn't the same without our mums loving presence but the memories of past times shared and love and laughter stay with us always.
I'm glad that being able to run has helped to lighten the heartache a little of the sad news you received today about your friend.
So sorry to hear about your sadness and thank you for sharing it’s good to realise that this running platform also connects us in all sorts of other ways too. I have only recently started the programme but do find already that the process of running releases all sorts of energies and it heightens all sorts of things. To have a good sob is needed sometimes .
Thank you for sharing and reminding me of what it is to be human. I agree with others your Mum is still with you.
Life can be a hard place. Really feel for you. I’m too reserved for a cyber hug, but here’s an awkward shoulder punch 🥊 that means the same thing. I hope you have good people around you - and you’ve always got us!
Sorry for all your sadness. Just wanted to say my dad died of cancer this year ( only had 9 weeks from
Diagnosis) and the people like you who came to visit and carry on with him as normal are what helped him and us all get through it. Hope you have a lovely Christmas - remember your mum would want u to.
Sending you a virtual hug. Lost my dad a few years ago, and always miss him more at Christmas. As others have said, you never stop missing those you love - and Christmas seems particularly hard - but it does get easier with time.
Like everyone else responding, I am moved and saddened by what you are going through at the moment. To have so many heartbreaking things happen altogether must be quite overwhelming.
It's great that you found some emotional release in running, and also that you felt able to unload stuff to the community here. When someone trusts enough to share difficult personal circumstances, it is a privilege to be there, and listen and empathize.
I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you at this sad time.
For as many years as I can remember I have been the one that sorts things out, no matter what the problem/issue I have been the one that makes things right
All the family and I mean all the family come to me and I sort/fix things and make the world right and bad things go away.
Since my Hero (Dad) passed occasionally now I need help to get through
I know where you're coming from Rolysmate. I lost my mum on the 17th December 2001. It's true to say that your Christmases won't be the same again but it doesn't mean to say they can't be enjoyable - as time passes - just in a different way. I'm sending you a big virtual hug as you are going through a glut of sadness at the moment and this is a dreadful time of year to be going through it. It won't be easy, but go with the flow, sob as many times as you need to, hunker down and just get through it. You will, you know. Be kind to yourself, you seem like a lovely person. Hugs xx
Dear Rolysmate Well done for running despite your emotions. My running has virtually stopped due to losing my Dad then my sister-in-law within two weeks Oct//Nov, having lost my Mum in February and I have been continuously low with sinusitis and trying to shift it for our choir concert on Saturday and for Xmas. I am hoping to get back to the programme next week. If I do I will keep you in my thoughts. Exercise can really bring out the emotions which is why sometimes it is difficult to combine the two. Take care and I hope that you can enjoy your Xmas with the rest of your family. Maybe it's their turn to be strong for you. Take care Rachel.
Oh, poor you Running is a great therapy and emotion releaser. You have nothing to be sorry aboit, we are here to support you in eery situation. I'm sending you a lot of positive energy, my thoughts, and hugs.
Oh rolysmate. How sad. I nursed my mum for several weeks through December and she died New Years Day. That was 4 years ago and this time of year is still difficult. I’m glad for you that you unloaded on here. I believe its because everyone on the forum is always positive and uplifting and it feels like a soft place to fall when we open our hearts. Keep running and keep sobbing too. You wont be the first or the last x
So sorry Rolysmate, I know you are going through a really hard time. Running will be your crutch, as will we. I'll be running tomorrow (I hope!) .... will be thinking of you.
So sorry, Rolysmate. Have a good cry; sometimes you just need it. I lost my dear old Dad earlier this year and I completely relate to your feelings. I’m the oldest in my family and the one who listens to and sorts everyone’s problems. Glad you can ‘get it off your chest’ with us - what else are friends for? You’re a lovely bloke; take care of yourself. I’ll be thinking of you on my run tomorrow x
Sometimes there are just no words ... your personal journey, missing your much loved mum and all the memories that entails is hard enough but coupled with everything else, it's no wonder there was a point that you felt enough was enough ...
Glad the run helped, I suppose we're lucky we have somewhere to try and channel all the hurt and worry that life brings, although it never truly goes away ... but managing it through exorcising the demons can be a really beneficial element
I work in a job where I see people grieving and losing hope on a daily basis ... in some ways, that's what keeps me focused on living each day the best way I can, not just for others but for me too ... running helped me realise that a couple of years ago so I understand what you are saying
Much love, big hug and although those we miss can't be with us right now in person, they live on in our hearts and that's where we need to visit them, despite the tears that it sometimes brings x
I am sorry. Things hit all at once, don't they? It's lovely to see all the support on this forum for you. Here's another virtual hug (( ))
It's really hard..life can be really really hard. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and sobbed just imagining how you feel. It just must hurt so badly. And I'm sorry to hear about all this loss and heaviness. I guess your run is like a metaphor for life in a way! You run, and sometimes there will be tears and you keep running anyway.
Hope you are feeling a little brighter. Feed your self Well, take time and go slow and keep running xx
So sorry to read this but try to be positive. It's awful when so many upsetting events occur almost simultaneously but I reckon you are made of strong stuff. I do hope you manage to have happy Christmas. Big hugs.
The literal answer is "yes it is". The absence of those we loved and who loved us is hard. I still smile and also cry when I think of my mum although she passed 20 years ago.
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Running is a great therapy and emotion releaser. You have nothing to be sorry aboit, we are here to support you in eery situation. I'm sending you a lot of positive energy, my thoughts, and hugs.
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