Complex PTSD Survivors

Sexual assault by therapist

The end of December 2016 I went through a major traumatic experience involving a therapist I was seeing for anxiety and panic attacks. He sexually assaulted me and then used threats and manipulation to the point I was terrified of reporting him. He assaulted me 9 times on a weekly basis until I became suicidal and went to a crisis center and they finally convinced me to report him. I reported him to police and they used the extensive evidence I had text, pictures and a phone call the detectives recorded in which he admitted to everything to obtain a warrant for his arrest in April. I lived in fear of mine and my families life being harmed for the two months of investigation and after he was arrested and released on bond. In May he was to be arraigned on 9 felonies and 2 felonies of insurance fraud by the state attorney. The day before he was arraigned he committed suicide. I have such a heavy burden from his suicide and feel somewhat responsible because I reported him. After his suicide his family told me he had done this to many clients and no one ever reported him. When asked why he did it he said "because I could." My life has been consumed by this since December and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I am now on medication that helps somewhat but, this week have been experiencing more depression. I know I will never forget what happened but, I would like to live my life without the constant intrusive thoughts. I have never felt what happened was reality. Before all of this I was mostly happy with my life except for the anxiety and panic attacks. I am not sure what would help me at this point.

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My heart goes out to you Missy1717 what a primal violation of safety. Have you been able to talk to anyone about this? Do you even feel comfortable going to another therapist, a female perhaps?

I would like to commend you on your bravery for coming forth.

XX

Allison

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I am in therapy and was seeing a female therapist for almost a year and then she told me she understood my childhood sexual abuse because she was married to a child sexual predator. I freaked out! I now have a male therapist and it has been healing having a healthy therapeutic relationship with a male therapist.

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Oh my God! As a survivor myself, I just yelled that out loud!!! WOW!!!!

I’m so happy you found a therapist you feel comfortable with and that it’s healing for you!

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This person who attacked you repeatedly was a predator. You don't blame the deer when the Lyon kills it. The Lyon is a predator such as was this monster. You went to him for therapy, you were groomed, and molded by a monster. You went to this person not because you wanted to be attacked, But because you wanted help. You are not responsible for his actions, including the fact that this coward took his life rather than go to prison. He was a sociopath. It was all about control for this jerk, and when it was about to be taken away from him...he opted out, not because he felt guilt, or any remorse or responsibility.

A friend once told me to imagine a string connecting my house to the predator, and each time I make an affirmation such as; 'I am not a victim', I would cut a length of string off. Another would be 'I am not responsible for that persons actions'...another piece of string gone, until one day...the connection is completely severed.

You are not alone...

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Thanks that helps a lot. I keep hearing this and maybe eventually I will quit the questioning on why this happened and realize I did what I had to do to stop him from hurting me or anyone else.

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you did good...you are a survivor...

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