I have liver disease (varices & cirrhosis) and have been sober for over 3 years. I had some very hard times with a variety of things and started drinking again, even knowing it will cause more damage to my liver. I can't seem to figure out what my triggers are and why I can't get back to where I was. The one thing I know is when I drink, the pain I have goes away when no other drug will help. So I find myself using it to dull the pain, yet knowing it's killing me and destroying my liver. I can't seem to find a method that will "scare" me back to sobriety. When I wasn't drinking, it didn't bother me much, but my spouse drinks 6-7 beers a night, which makes it available to me at anytime....plus it makes me upset when the drinking causes anger issues directed at me when the drinking begins.
I need someone or something to "wake" me up before I hit the hospital for the 3rd time. I know my life depends on it since I'm now feeling my enlarged spleen, pain in my stomach, back, and now my liver is starting to hurt. I just get so anxious when I don't have a drink, I almost feel like I'm going crazy. I've overcome the shakiness, which was always my excuse, so now what else can I do to convince myself to go back to my sobriety?