Club Soda

Having trouble staying with the club soda group

I have liver disease (varices & cirrhosis) and have been sober for over 3 years. I had some very hard times with a variety of things and started drinking again, even knowing it will cause more damage to my liver. I can't seem to figure out what my triggers are and why I can't get back to where I was. The one thing I know is when I drink, the pain I have goes away when no other drug will help. So I find myself using it to dull the pain, yet knowing it's killing me and destroying my liver. I can't seem to find a method that will "scare" me back to sobriety. When I wasn't drinking, it didn't bother me much, but my spouse drinks 6-7 beers a night, which makes it available to me at it makes me upset when the drinking causes anger issues directed at me when the drinking begins.

I need someone or something to "wake" me up before I hit the hospital for the 3rd time. I know my life depends on it since I'm now feeling my enlarged spleen, pain in my stomach, back, and now my liver is starting to hurt. I just get so anxious when I don't have a drink, I almost feel like I'm going crazy. I've overcome the shakiness, which was always my excuse, so now what else can I do to convince myself to go back to my sobriety?

1 Reply

You are in a bit of a cycle, with a partner that drinks quite heavily both the temptation and the negative issues that test your willpower are always present. But it sounds to me like you want to deal with this. Which is brilliant!

So do go to your doctor and be truthful, I know its difficult, but really they would rather know how best yo support you. You say you are in serious situation and they need to know how best to help you. They will have access to services that can support you well - use them - it sounds like you want to.

You could also have an honest conversation with your spouse. I don't know your situation, but your home life does not seem to be helping you much. Only you can change your drinking, sort this out and make your life better. You have done it before you can do it again. So let them know the impact their drinking is having on you and how it is affecting your health. Maybe if they knew the consequences of you carrying on drinking they may make the change. 6-7 pints can't be doing them much good either. It might be a hard conversation but what is the worst that can happen. Tell them what you want to happen and what will help you.

Most importantly take care of yourself - don't feel guilty just take action and reward yourself when you have done good. Remember how good sober felt, the clear head and the energy, and that you have done it once before you can do it again.

I think giving Drinkline a call might be helpful. They can talk through this with you and they are always there - 0300 123 1110. They wont judge you they just want to help you out - and we all need a bit of that!

Take care