Newly diagnosed emotions

[Jhoover1014]

I was just diagnosed last week and I’m having all kinds of emotions. Is it kind of like grieving? When I’m around my family, I’m good. But when I am alone, I’m angry, sad, or feeling positive.

[MartiP2009]

I understand the feelings you are experiencing. I was diagnosed in 2009, and had identical feelings and still do sometimes. Being a Christian helps me a lot, I just let God deal with it, but stay on top of it as well. Educate yourself, know your body it speaks to you. Go for second, third, fourth however many opinions from other specialists and after doing your own research choose the treatment you feel is best for you and yes it is kind of like grieving.

[Jhoover1014 in reply to MartiP2009]

Thank you so much! I am a Christian too and He has given me peace about this situation but it just seems to come in waves.

[Superdad3]

jhoover

Everyone has their own way to deal and react. It took me at least 6 mths to find my balance. I told very few for now it was just easier on me. I went thru all the same Emotions. What I try to hold onto is to make every day count more than ever and with the hard work everyone is doing with a little help from above a cure is found, what a great story that would be

[UK-Sparky]

jhoover1014, everyone on this site has been there and has there own coping regimes. First of all accept emotions will run high. Second not sure where you hail from but read the facts on reputable websites, UK its CLLSA and Leukaemia Care. I scared the bejeez out of myself initially when I read Dr Google initially! Deep breaths, family hugs, ask questions on the forum and take it a day at a time.

UK Sparky

[TimHB]

I guess we all react in our own way based on our different life experiences and frame of reference. And maybe the full force of it hasn't hit me yet (dx'd 3 months ago) but I just considered it another project to tackle on my to-do list. I watched my brother fight a valiant but ultimately losing battle to ALS. My sister is losing her fight with Alzheimer's. My mother was ravaged by aggressive melanoma. A girlfriend died in my arms after a gruesome battle with colon cancer. A buddy of mine was just told he has pancreatic cancer - on his wedding day. If you could choose your cancer, you'd choose CLL as it's the most manageable cancer you can get with the best prognosis. My first reaction was gratitude and "phew! Is that all?" I feel like I dodged a bullet. And now that I'm starting treatment I feel shed of all superficiality. The days (rain or shine) are more beautiful, food tastes better, music is richer, people are more interesting, I'm nicer to strangers and I'm actually happier and more focused. My sister-in-law and I agree that her being a care giver to my brother and my being a care giver to my girlfriend were the greatest gifts life could give us. And if this battle gets tough, I feel the strength of my passed loved ones by my side, guiding me. And if this is what killls me, we'll be reunited. It's just not that bad. It could be so much worse. I am grateful.

[newyork8 in reply to TimHB]

Great attitude. I agree with many of your sentiments. The human mind can look on the bright side. Thank you for sharing.

[Jhoover1014]

Yes it could be much worse. Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your losses.

[kathymac52]

Dear Jhoover, I so identify with all your emotions, and I am the caretaker of my husband with CLL. We were both so sad to hear of his diagnosis....angry, sad ,disbelief....plus my husband did not want to share with family and friends. I needed to share, so it was difficult. My husband did grieve, because he always was so healthy and was not on a single medication at the age of 62. Perfect BP, perfect weight.....and now with an aggressive CLL, he was so fearful of the prognosis. PLEASE share your feelings with someone close; it truly helps. Just know all your emotions are fine.....feel what you need to feel........and come here for support. God bless.

[pkpayne]

Most of us have been right where you are. Give yourself time and grieve if you feel like it. Nobody wants to hear the 'C' word. But as time goes on and you learn more about the disease, you will feel more comfortable with it and realize that it is something you can deal with. I agree with Kathy - talk to somebody close. It helps and like she said - come here for support and knowledge. Best wishes.

Paula

[Juliette02]

Hi jhoover14

You do ‘come to terms’ with it eventually and being around all the positive and informative folk here is a bonus. Perhaps years ago it would have not been ‘picked’ up so soon ? I’m ‘glad’ mine was as it’s allowed me to try and make the necessary life style adjustments and at least try and manage a better outcome while i’m watching and waiting than if I didn’t know.

It’s taken me nearly two years to get to this place, in my head, but you do get there. I’ve found that the less stressed out about it or anything ( easier said than done ) the better all my nasty niggles, aches & pains,often associated with this ‘condition’,are ... and what probably led you to your Docs surgery in the first place.

Take care

Kindest Juliette x

[newyork8]

I try not to think of CLL as sinister. Its just some pathetic misguided cancer cells trying to survive in this world like all of us.

[marcyh]

I felt a lot of emotional ups and downs after my diagnosis as well. It comes as a bolt out of the blue - cancer! - but no symptoms, incurable, usually not treated right away. It's all so strange. I had to lay aside everything I thought I knew about cancer and start from scratch.

I have often thought about it as life BC (before cancer) and AD (after diagnosis). My faith has been foundational for me, helping me to level out. And the faith "muscle" strengthens as it is exercised. I can honestly say my diagnosis has helped me live life with more meaning and purpose.

You might be interested in an online group called CLL Christian Friends. cllcfriends.com/

All the best,

marcyh

[pattie4397]

Hi jhover i to was told i had cancer .and i went home . the next day .i sat in a park and cryed. i went home and then told my hubby . I didnt tell my three sons all in there 50s till 2 months later .all i could think of is how and when will i die.then i thought hang on it might be three years ,so forget it and live..and if you wont to eat cakes do it .all the best to you go and use what time youve got and enjoy.

[hope864]

Hi Jhoover1014,

It's kinda going thru the phases of grieving... I say "feel it all, give yourself that right, then control the emotions as best as you can, learn about CLL, ask questions here, vent... Live life every day... Eat healthy and exercise. Ups and downs, emotional rollercoastes... That's pretty much what my husband and me have been experiencing. Good luck.