How do I deal with sarcasm

How do I deal with sarcastic store people, cashier etc. Some of you may be used to it but I've just started to get attitude from cashiers because of my disfigurement. I just recently went to a store where the cashier just stared at me when got there. I was so angry because I knew why they were treating me weird. It was because of how I looked. She wouldn't ring me up. I put my stuff up towards the checkout and finally she decides to checkout....She continues to act rude but pretends she isn;t doing anything wrong...I contact the manager and he says "well she'll treat you right the next time" but nothing is done....I"m so tired of businesses discriminating me because of my appearance. It is discrimination.. People outside of white race would not put up with being treating differently because of looks,. so why should I ??? I am so angry at this but everyone seems to think I am overboard or too sensitive.

I want to make a statement and take a stand against discrimination...why is this considered too sensitive or angry???

10 Replies

  • You have my sympathy, no matter how much we all say we are used to bad behaviour by others especially when displayed in public, deep down it still hurts, we feel it and although we have coping strategies to deal with rude, sarcastic or just ignorant behaviour, it still takes a lot of courage and skill to put on a good front. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, just see it that you are the better person for taking the courage to confront the bad behaviour with the manager. Changing Faces is a great charity that can help give advice on your right to be heard, coping strategies to deal with bad behaviour and your own feelings of anger. Good luck.

  • Ive gotten used to cashiers who strategically avoid waiting on me. For instance they will make sure they walk to the back or become preoccupied with something else when its time to wait on me. I even wrote a complaint about a group of store employees who were so rude to me. Snickering when I approached the counter, the cashier who waited on the person ahead of me, walked away when I approached the counter then asked another reluctant person to wait on me. I left the items and went to a different store.

  • This happens to me too, it happened to me at another place I went to just recently...the lady told me to go to another line but she took other people. Also cashiers have made me wait to ring me up, acting like they are doing something else, and one acted like she didn't see me until someone over the loudspeaker said someone was at the register. She saw me though..she was only a few feet away sitting in a chair, I why she was acting that way so I just stood happens all the time

  • Glad Im not the only one. Well Im not glad because no one should be treated that way. Other people think we are being too sensitive or that its all in our minds. Do cashiers put your change on top of your receipt to avoid touching your hand ? Or place it on the counter ? Ive had too many incidents to count. I was at a phone store, the sales associate made a point of vigorously wiping down the phone after she let me use it. I had another cashier immediately wash her hands after waiting on me. The good thing is I dont let these incidents go. I reach out to the corporate office or at the least I write a review of their place of business detailing the incident. One time it resulted in me receiving a gift card for free coffee since the cashiers were doing the things I mentioned above.

  • I remember I went to a dr. who usually speaks to patients in her office after their appointment in the exam room. The nurse aid led me to the drs office and the dr. quickly said "no she doesn't need to come in here" and then she asked me " do you have any questions" I didn't but it is common practice to go to the drs office after the exam...I don't think she wanted me sitting in there or something....its really offensive..

    I also notice a lot of times when I'm in a parking lot going to a store, if someone pulls up near me and sees me, they will wait in their car until I'm gone. They don't just go about their day..

    i noticed alot of people avoid me as much as possible, yet I've had people harass me and intentionally get in my way as well.

    This is all commonplace for me nowadays that today i was so surprised to have a genuinely kind person as my cashier at CVS. He was talking to me and was just kind...God Bless those people...I can't believe that this is not the norm for really hurts.

  • Also I think people don't believe this happens because it doesn't happen to them and most people are average and don't believe ugly exists or that people don't treat ugly people different. Most people believe that beautiful people get treated to a high standard and that everyone else gets treated the same. It's not true.

    I also try understanding that people may think its a mental disorder if they don't know you but for my family and friends not to beleive me, even my psychiatrist, it just feels hopeless and feels like they are shutting me down because they will always discount my experiences

  • I'm not sure exactly how I would have reacted to that situation in the store. I might have said "you seem to love staring at me, if you ring up my groceries real quick, I'll be sure to bring you a picture of me the next time, then you can stare at that all you like" or " my groceries are there (pointing to the groceries) not here (pointing to my face)" or "do you know it's rude to stare?" or kill her/him with kindness...find something nice about him/her and compliment him/her about it. Sometimes that can diffuse a negative situation... and if it's your local store then it's better to be on good terms.

    As for being ignored. I think I would be hurt by that. I suppose I would deal with it by using the same set of shops regularly. I would write a letter to the manager(s), keep it with me and at the first negative experience, calmly ask to speak to the manager. When you get the chance to do this, you can hand over your letter to them and say you'd appreciate it if they could read this letter, in which you make them aware that this store happens to be your local store and that you would like to experience the same courtesy from their staff as you offer to them. You can tell them things in the letter that you might otherwise feel awkward to tell them in person. I would start "Dear so-and-so, If you have received this letter from me it's because I have had a very difficult experience in the shop you manage..." Outline some experiences. You can ask if they have an equal opportunities policy and how it might apply to disfigurement. Basically anything that will help them to humanise you. You might also ask them if there might be other ways in which they can help, like monitoring staff activity when you are there etc. Also explain the very reason you have had to put this in writing in the first place. Perhaps you can tell them that you will also be sending a copy of this letter to the head-office. I always use the self-checkout. It just feels easier. This reminds of that scene in the film Man without a Face where he goes to the store late at night, the coldness and suspicious expressions on the cashiers face as she serves reminds me of how a simple task like shopping can become an ordeal. Another option might be to have a friend or relative with you...someone who can be in the shadows and only step in if the situation becomes challenging. Someone who can help bridge the least for a while, until you become familiar to the shop staff. Ladies! Those cashiers love you .... they just don't realise it yet!

  • Ok the letter sounds like a great idea....I am afraid of getting special treatment though...omg its so hard to live this way...i have tried to bring people with me and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesntt....sometimes the person with me wont understand that I need someone there...I never saw that movie, I may check it out...

  • A hard thing for me is that even before this disfigurement, I had social anxiety and to be noticed etc brings me anxiety...i really think the letter is a great idea I'm just afraid for people to recognize/notice me...I like anonymity....but I think I may try it for some places....I also may try to notify someone like contractors, etc that I have a slight disfigurement so they don't look at me weird when they meet me in person...

  • Hi rainsun. I'm happy for you to run anything past me ... or if you want me to help you with the letter, let me know. All the best

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