Fearing for my life

Hi,

I have written here before about a situation I am dealing with regarding my face and how it has changed in a negative way and the treatment I get from society is unbearable. Everywhere I go and everyone I come into contact with treats me horribly. THese experiences cause me deep emotional distress, depression, sadness, anger and fear. I had a bad experience today that has been repeated in the past. I walk in a parking lot and someone backs their car into me, on purpose. They see me but act like they don't. One time I was walking in a parking lot and a lady slowly started backing up as I walked past the back of her car, I know she saw me... I screamed at her and she acted like she did nothing wrong.

Today again someone backed out their car right in front of me in a bookstore parking lot. It scared me so I kicked his door.. I put myself in danger because I thought after doing that he would run me into the wall but instead he gives me the finger and drives off....he did it on purpose.

I am so sick from this. I fyou don't like me, leave me alone. I don't see a problem with leaving someone alone that you don't like the looks of.

Again, this is not in my head, or something I am assuming.

I used to have a normal life Or whatever word you want to use, and now it is completely different.

People are EXTREMELY aggressive with me and and dangerous. I don't see how anyone would want to play around by almost hitting someone...why risk anything so dangerous/serious..

I am scared for my life and for my freedom as I am retaliating through emotion and I could end up in jail..

Anyone have any tactics/ coping skillss PLEASE

I take anxiety meds and they are addictive and need more and more to work the same...

Please no negative comments about ending life etc.

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12 Replies

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  • NO, but thanks for your "help"

  • I carry weapons and know self defense.... again thanks for your "help" and one more time I will ask you not to reply to my posts

  • I have reported you several times not to respond to me; please do not respond anymore

  • Have you posted on realself.com to get expert advice from doctors as to how to fix your condition? The community there is great and super supportive. I think an experienced doctor could do wonders and bring you relief. Just look what they did for Katie Piper.

  • Yes I go on realself to research treatments but many of them are so risky. I have followed people on there with amazing results and then some with horrible results. The ones with bad results scare me because that is what happened to me, it was a cosmetic procedure that ruined my face. But I think fixing the problem with fat transfer or fillers might help.

    I have several drs. names that I want to see but I havent made the consults yet.

  • Hi Rainsun. I'm really sorry you had to experience that. How crushing. What's wrong with some people that they need to go out of their way to show this level of hatred towards others? I know that non-disfigured people also have the misfortune of running into these "haters", but in our case, these reactions can happen more frequently, because we are seen as different. When it happens to one of us we feel it more deeply, often attributing the hostility to our appearance. I have had things thrown at me from car windows several times, as they drove past me. The first time it was a glass bottle, the last few times it's only been food, thankfully. Apart from doing all those things that are practical, like using a parking-lot in such a way that you don't have to then walk right through it to get to the stores (in other words to park nearer to the curb/stores yourself) so that you can minimise the risk of being a victim to passing cars and taking similar action in whatever you do. Risk-assess and try to do things in the safest way possible, knowing that often haters will show their hatred more readily towards us. I suppose it's different if it was actually IN a store or ON the pavement...at least then you could have said something, as often starting a conversation can be the first step to connecting with other people and the start of them acknowledging you as a human being. As one other member of this forum said, if someone makes him feel uncomfortable by insulting him or ridiculing him, he gives them a little something to think about like "do you realise I have to live like this?".... once someone made a negative comment towards me and I replied "well aren't you glad you're so perfect?". So a few well-chosen words that gets them thinking a little might help. But I do understand the difficulty you describe well. I hope that this isn't yet another thing that family and friends trivialise with a "you're imagining it" or "you're just being over sensitive". It's so hard to make them see life through your eyes sometimes. Often actually. Sorry if you were looking for a more definitive answer, but short of getting a bodyguard I think we need to risk assess situations and understand that although there are some haters out there, most people on this planet are good, or have the potential to be good. Most people wouldn't have done, what those 2 people did to you.

  • Hi plk,

    I also deal with people trying to scare me/startle me a lot....like if I walk past someone they will make a really loud noise like slam a door or rev their engine.

    What do you do when someone throws something at you from their car??? How do people risk stuff like this it's illegal and dangerous and mean, I just can't understand... do you do anything back?

    I guess part of my issue dealing with this is that I don't feel like I need to keep proving to people that I should be treated normally...I guess I hate the fact that these people think they are above me in some way and that isn't my belief. and if they truly feel that way it's not worth the energy or thought to prove otherwise...but i know what you mean, it's for my own safety...I just am having the hardest time right now..

    I am afraid of my reactions as well because I am angry and scared at the same time and i can sometimes react without thinking...most times I can just put my mind to something else and just tell myself a person is just being an asshole but yesterday was a bad day because i had other things going on with my family....

    Anyway i have thought about getting a bodyguard so many times lol I wish i had the money I would defintely get that lol

  • Hi rainsun. I don't know how much of your time outdoors has been an unpleasant experience for you. But if it was very frequent I imagine this to be very difficult for you. I'm sorry. It would make me want to live like a recluse. I know it cuts very deep. When it gets really difficult to handle, know your own truth...that you deserve better...that you are beautiful....that although you have acquired a disfigurement you are more accepting of it now than you were a year ago. It would have been worse if, in addition to the external hostility, you were at war within yourself.

    Rainsun, you need help and support. What you have described is really serious and warrants getting the police involved. There might have been security cameras in the parking-lot to support any claims you make to the police. Please don't try to battle this alone. I need you to write back to me and tell me what you are going to do about this situation. You're a child of this planet and you have human-rights. There might be more help and support available to you than you realise. If it was me, I would now take this matter further in order to access that.

  • I was thinking about talking to police about it but they also have an attitude with people and I have already had countless bad experiences with cops alone. In fact I remember passing by a cop ticketing someone and he gave me a look that said "ew". I have also had issues with cops having a bad attitude with me after trying to express what i am going through...no one understands

  • I will message you in a couple weeks or so to tell you how it is going...I will try to deal with this as best I can..

  • Hi Rainsun

    Your experiences whilst going through daily life sound a real ordeal. When dealing with people who don't understand what you are going through can be frustrating and emotional. Society changes in how others see those with a facial difference is changing but it will not happen overnight and whilst society is becoming more accepting of people with a facial difference, in the meantime in order to cope through these negative life experiences, it is important to gain good coping strategies of your own to help you deal with the bad experiences. Sometimes it takes a really bad experience to motivate you to pick up the phone and make that all important phone call to a specialist professional who can help you deal with the negatives and help you get on with your life. This community here wish you well in trying to get through this stage in your life. See this as a bad time that you will get through to the other side, but it takes more than drug therapy to do that. All the best.

  • I see a therapist and a psychiatrist and both don't seem to truly understand how bad it really is for me. In fact, my psychiatrist doesn't believe these things actuallly happen to me and that it is bdd. My therapist gives me good coping strategies but I don't think she really believes all that I tell her. I don't think people will understand unless they go through it themselves. But my therapist does help a lot, yesterday was just a really tough day.. also eventhough I get professional help, I am still unhappy and don't have nearly the same good life I had before.

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