Help in dealing with society

Hi,

I found this forum not too long ago through a search about being treated differently because of a deformity. I didn’t always have this but I got a plastic surgery procedure in 2011 and since then my life has been hell. I used to be an attractive person and was treated normally by people. The surgery I had on my face has destroyed some of the fat on it, and now my face is asymmetrical and it looks odd. I could tell something was wrong when I was going back to work after I healed. I looked in the mirror to do my usual makeup routine and something looked off about me, and not in a good way. I didn’t know if it was in my head or not.. But as soon as I went outside i realized it wasn’t just me that saw it. People were behaving oddly around me. People seemed to avoid me and seemed to try to get away from me. If I parked next to someone at a park, they would leave. I was at a store one night and I looked at someone and they looked away as fast as possible. This was odd behavior to me because this wasn’t the norm for me before my surgery. Well, it’s the norm for me now. I can’t go outside without being laughed at, or completely avoided. People always have an attitude towards me, including cashiers, waiters/waitresses or anyone who has to deal with me. Children laugh at me. I’ve never felt so horrible in all my life. In the first two years after my surgery i considered suicide every day. I couldn’t go to my job, so I got fired. I couldn’t get out of bed and I ended up in a mental facility three different times for depression and suicdal feelings.

It’s now been 4 and a half years since the surgery and although I can get out of bed in the morning and i’m getting more used to leaving the house, I’m still having trouble dealing with society. I find it difficult to go back to local stores where i have been treated badly by their workers...i’m not sure if i should tell management or not..i have in some occasions but not every time...i am running out of places to go and now have to go far away to get stuff including groceries. Even delivery drivers treat me bad.

Again, before this surgery I had a nice life. I had a full tie job, a boyfriend, i went out to eat a lot, went to all types of events etc and enjoyed many interests and hobbies.

Is there any way to deal with this or any thing I can say to these people? It's one thing to have someone on the street belittle me but for someone at their job, where I am paying money to buy something from them I just can't deal with that.. sometimes it's even the manager that gives me problems and if I ask for the manager they just smirk and say "I am the manager" its frustrating...

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  • Hello Rainsun

    So sorry to read about your experiences. If you're in the UK, please do contact our Support, Information & Advice service on 0300 012 0275 or email support@changingfaces.org.uk, and they will be happy to help.

    You might also find our Self-Help Guides useful - they can be found on our website at changingfaces.org.uk/Adults...

    Changing Faces

  • Do people comment on your condition or ask you questions about it? I'm just wondering how much of it is in your head vs. reality.

    I have a bad scar on my forehead and even though I hide it with a hat or hair, it tourments me everyday. Even though no one can see it, I know it's there and this causes me to have severe social phobia and anxiety. So it's definitely a mental problem. I understand how hard it can be. It's a total mind fuck

  • Yes people have commented that I'm scary looking and ugly. People used to say I was beautiful. It's not in my head.

  • In someone else's words "scary looking THING"  not even person

  • Hi Rainsun. Sounds like you have gone through hell in the last 4 and a half years. You have to be a strong person to have endured over 4 years of what you have described. I know, from experience, the dark place that being depressed over a deformity/disfigurement can be. Especially if you've lived most of your life with a "normal" face. For me, I didn't want to leave the house. I actually didn't want to leave my bed. Mornings were bad. Hated having to face the reality of another day. Still do. Have you made the plastic surgeon aware of the issues you experienced? Is there anything he/she can do to improve the outcome? I too have soft-tissue irregularities in my face, so I can relate.

  • I didn't even know what was wrong until about a year ago when I found out people suffered from the same complication as me.  Doctors don't admit it can happen.  I told my dr. I wasn't happy with my result and he just referred me to another doctor.   I am considering fillers or fat transfer but they are both very risky procedures.  Of course it would be worth it if they worked, but I have to do research before I decide what to do...

    I hope you have found a way to cope better with your situation.  

  • I also tried filler...with variable results, for safety reasons only temporary filler. 3 times so far. Yes, you are right, it does come with risks and you are wise to do your research. Good luck. Anything I can help you with let me know

  • I'm really sorry that you are going through this. My life has been hell for 11 months now. I feel exactly how you describe yourself. I didn't think it was possible to suffer so much. I think about death all the time and have no more pleasure in life. The scar treatments that I have tried so far (surgery, filler, laser) have all failed. The whole left side of my forehead is a mass of scar tissue, nothing will fix this. I am permantly disfigured. I am at a loss.

  • Omg I thought the same thing, that I didn't believe it was possible to suffer this much..I told my mom that all the time when it first happened.. I'm really sorry to hear you have tried everything and it didn't work.  I feel like having an option keeps hope alive.  Theres a lot of improvements and advancements in the medical and cosmetic industries in regards to skin treatments so try to remain hopeful...if you need to talk send me a msg. I know how emotionally painful it is to deal with something like this.

  • At first, having hope for a solution to the scarring did help my anxiety slightly. But when the treatments failed, it actually has left me worse off, almost like I was in denial. I feel like I have a terminal illness that can't be cured. 

    I've researched all of these supposed advancements and treatments and have tried almost everything. Nothing has worked. They are all lies

  • I'm sorry :(  Just try to keep hope alive ... stem cells may be able to replace skin soon...have you tried laser along with topical treatment together??  I feel so bad..I don't know what to say..I'm scared that if I try the fat transfer or fillers it won't work and i'll be left without hope.. I think I'm even holding off on doing them because they leave me with some hope  This is horrible

  • I just had laser and it actually messed up the filler and now it looks worse. I regret doing laser. Huge mistake. Topical treatments didn't work either. Not only is my skin damaged, but I lost muscle and fat. There is no hope. I an permantly disfigured. I've heard bad things about fat transfer so be careful, because it is permanent  

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