Changing Faces
973 members147 posts

Just a thought


I just wanted to say something to all... I'm 27 and i have birthmarks ALL OVER my body (including face, arms, back, stomach) and its taken me years to i suppose 'deal' with it... i have cover creams etc, but aside from the cosmetic element, there is no point in worrying yourself (pretty much to death) about your appearance (!) the best possible thing in my opinion that anyone with a cosmetic problem could do is get out there (force yourself) and do some volunteering of some kind... be it helping blind people, or children with health problems.. (or even with animals) the best way to deal with this is to get away from yourself, from what you think others see, or however youre used to people reacting to you... Anyway get away from YOU, and do something for others.. there are people genuinely suffering with far worse than any cosmetic problem.. and i'd say enough of advice from doctors, THIS is the best medicine. You'll meet people who love you (and there are many types of love out there) they won't give it a toss about what blob you have on your skin or where.. and it'l really change your own views about yourself. COME ON PEOPLE, DO IT! :)

2 Replies

One half of me agrees with you by-the-sea2046 and sharing your time with others and giving something back to the community is a very good way to distract you from your own problems and help others in the process. However and it is a big however and you said yourself that "its taken me years to I suppose 'deal' with it", that putting yourself out there to help others takes a great deal of courage and strength when your self-esteem has been knocked so much because of other people's reactions to you every single day you face the world.

Don't underestimate the effect other people have on someone's self-confidence when they look at you and either turn away, start touching their own face, whisper to others in front of you, speak in a loud voice in front of a queue of people and ask "what happened to you", ask you not to come in that day when you are helping out, so that the grant-funders don't see someone there who looks 'odd or unusual' and they want to avoid awkward questions, not offer you the job that you are more than worthy to have just because your 'face doesn't fit', the list goes on by-the-sea2046.

There are many reasons why people with a facial and body disfigurement have a great deal to mentally and physically contend with and if your self-esteem is so low, then it can take every ounce of strength and courage to face the world and it is something that they have to work on and needing a doctor to help them on to that first step of self-recovery can be life-changing.

People also make the mistake that low-self-esteem is all about self-pity and being too pre-occupied by your own looks. It isn't, it is about wanting to be accepted by society without question, e.g. without having to go food shopping at 10pm at night because you don't want to frighten people with the way that you look and I have seen ex-military personnel do this, because of their facial scars.

Yes I have done all those things you said by-the-sea2046, I took myself out there and have been voluntarily helping others for decades, most of the time it has been excellently rewarding, but have no illusions that it hasn't been at a price also. People within the voluntary sector can still be just as prejudiced about face and body disfigurement as anyone else, I have experienced it personally, and so again you need to be able to dig deep from within first to develop your own self-confidence before you can help others.

1 like

I can understand your reasoning and thanks for the comment, however not all was really relevant to the point i was making- animals do not judge you.. blind people? whilst i am here - another idea, even helping in some kind of community garden.. (being with nature is so healing)

I know people with facial disfigurement and skin conditions do have alot to deal with in life - but that is what makes them strong- and stronger than most. It's taking all the nasty comments and making something from it - empowering yourself, because, well at the end of the day, you ARE different (we wouldnt get comments if we weren't!) - BUT, so what?! That's their problem. Your problem is remaining strong enough to show them that you are WORTH more than the disfigurement. And that's where LIKE-MINDED people come in.

Yes a doctor can help, just like the red cross volunteer did for me when i booked an appointment at a skin camouflage clinic, but it's being around people who LOVE YOU for YOU can really make it all seem so.. trivial.

I really do believe developing your own self confidence COMES FROM OTHERS - people like yourself, or people who can just relate in some way. People are always stronger in numbers.

Anyway, thanks again for the comment.


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