Some guidance

Hi Lynn-Osborne

I am sure you are going to be inundated but I would welcome your thoughts on the care of two elderly (100, and 93) parents who are both still living at home. Elder is partially sighted, younger generally well and as fit as you can be but prone to depression and anxiety. How best can long term arrangements be put in place?

[Lynn-Osborne]

Hello Mike

How amazing your parents are and still to be living at home.

Do they have any care at the moment ?

I'm a firm believer in planning and good communication where possible.

Key points to think going forward:

Have they got a Power of Attorney in place both for health and welfare as well as property and affairs ? This is key to ensure their wishes are taken into account and they have someone they trust to carry out those wishes as and when necessary.

As a family have discussions about where they want to be. Are there any circumstances they would consider residential care. This may feel an extreme question but good to know how they feel should that ever be an option.

Most importantly, think about contingencies if one or the other isn't around. Often couples muddle through together and it works. But when one is taken ill or no longer with you (apologies if this sounds insensitive) you need to think how the other will cope.

Get to understand what they need help with on a daily basis. Get it written down. This way you will get to understand what needs to be put in place in different scenarios

Have you heard of the Message in Bottle? This is a free service funded by The Lions club. It is a small green and white plastic bottle that sits in the fridge and holds key information including NOK details, current medications and other instructions if needed. You then have a green sticker that you put on the back of the front door that the emergency services will look for. It's a recognised service and a good one

If they aren't having any care or aware of any residential home in your area, it's a good excercise to visit a few , just to get an idea of ones they may like and you are comfortable with.

This helps if you ever need emergency respite. Some homes will work on a contingency plan with you and hold details in case of an emergency

As part of this, try to put together a brief personal history with them. This way should either of them need emergency care, the staff will have good information about them making it easier for all

Also consider a carers emergency plan. There are carer groups that support people for 48 hours. These can be found on the local authority website.

Think about the current environment. Are they managing around the house at the moment ? Think about contacting the local authority for a care assessment and an occupational therapy assessment to see if there is anything they can do to support them now or offer advice.

Last thing, get to know where key paperwork is kept

I hope some of the above helps but the main message is to think about different scenarios and talk to parents and other family members. Get to understand what they want to happen and keep communication honest and clear.

On a personal note - if they have lots of family momentoes and photographs get them to talk about them and get names on the photos. I've seen so many photos over the years get thrown out because people don't know who they are. Just something I'm encouraging my parents to do at the moment

Let me know if there is anything else I can help with




[Hidden in reply to Lynn-Osborne]

Many thanks for this helpful reply. Good to know that much of what we are doing is "right". We have a few things that we now can address.