Dealing with great loss hits home with a vengeance

[secrets22]

Its now almost 6 months since the loss of my beloved partner,and mostly i cope quite well,but out of the blue,a memory,an item ,a picture will bring my strong will crashing down and i'm in bits.There is no simple way or answer to unrelenting grief,it bubbles away in the background waiting to pounce and makes ones world a lonely place.

Sometimes we sigh,sometimes we cry,sometimes the longing becomes unreal,and sometimes no one understands,and sometimes i dont want to be here.

Putting on a brave face takes courage and energy, we dont want others to think we are less than strong. I know i, and many others are walking a path we have never trod before,and that path seems truly unending. Can we conquer our fears,can we live fully again,that is a question i am unable to answer today.

To all those going through the same,i wish you love,i wish you joy and i wish you hope. We are alone,and that aloneness is compounded by the self isolation we have to endure at this difficult time of coping with the Coronavirus as well.

Life never told me life was easy or a rose garden,and also it never told me how to continue to face my fears either.

[bantam12]

I lost my husband in March this year, he had many health problems and had already dodged the bullet several times so our 38 years of marriage had been stressful to say the least.

I am coping well but only because my youngest daughter has been home since Uni closed and she has been able to help me so much with all the technical stuff and sorting things out, she will be leaving for pastures new in July so I think that's when it will hit me.

Part of me is excited at the prospect of moving and starting my own life but a bigger part is scared to be doing it on my own, I have many animals to care for so they will keep me going but the big empty house might be more of a challenge!

Take care and be safe x

[sassy59]

My husband sometimes says the only certainty in life is death but we seldom want to look at life like that. The loss of your dear husband is very raw and that’s understandable. As you say, being in isolation only exacerbates the feeling of loneliness and despair.

Things are changing slightly so hopefully you can get out more and hopefully meet friends and family. Those that know you will understand that you can’t be strong all the time but you will get through each day somehow.

My heart goes out to you dear secrets and I sincerely wish you better days ahead. Keep lines of communication open, we’re here for you.

Stay safe xxxx

[FredaE]

Those of us on here who have lost a loved one fully understand what you are saying . I remember feeling as if I had been physically hit when the new car registration numbers came in and I kept being surprised by cars with my husband's initials on their number plates.

It does get better. I found the second year was the worst because it was so final, he would not be sitting there when I got home...ever.

Not that he had been for several years - lying there in the care of people I had arranged and who needed me, Cinderella like , to be home without fail for their school pick up time.

It gets better when you start to forget for hours at a time without feeling guilty and then, if you let it, it suddenly changes into good memories you dare to think about and eventually life becomes itself again. Now over six years later I and my new(ish) partner are able to talk happily about our spouses and thank them for having helped us to be the people we can love again

Not now - much too soon - but you will get through it

[klr31]

💐🌷⚘

[Hidden]

What a heartfelt post secrets22, that sums up the grief of losing one of the most significant people in your life.

You've done amazingly well in such a short space of time. This is still a very new reality for you, and on top of that you're having to cope with a world crisis which none of us knows for sure how to deal with. And without your loved one at your side.

You can't rush the process, that's for sure. It's never really the same again, but as you've noticed, after a while, through your own bravery and determination, you can find small things to smile about again.

Always be kind to yourself and always work with your timetable, not someone else's. One widow once told me that she felt she'd passed her 'grieve-by date', with others impatient for her to be OK again, but of course she knew she wouldn't ever completely be that person she was before.

You are just doing the best you can and I wish you strength to continue in your new normality. 🙏

[Lynd]

Lots of best wishes and hugs to you Secrets x