A difficult period: Hi all, Been out of it... - Care Community

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A difficult period


Hi all,

Been out of it for a while. But lost mum about a month ago, with a super Deacon and excellent undertaker who greatly helped. Unfortunately as he has Alzheimer’s, I have to take up respite care for my husband while I had a spinal decompression, I know it is right and the place is fabulous. I still guilty in what I am doing, and even more as I have extend a week while I continue to recuperate. Excuse the lament but I find it helps to share.

Best wishes to all.

Kathleen x

12 Replies

Dear Kathleen, sorry to hear of the loss of your mum and my sympathies to you.

It’s a shame to have to put your dear husband into respite care but you need to get yourself back up to strength after your operation. I’m sure hubby will be getting the best of care in a safe environment and you have a chance to recover.

We’re all here for you and yes it does help to share.

Sending you very best wishes and do stay in touch when you can. Take care xxxxx


Hi Kathleen, please don't even think of apologising for your 'lament'. It's what we are all here for. We are all carrying, or have carried the challenges of caring, most often for loved ones and I hope that, collectively, we provide a massive shoulder for everyone to lean on for the support they need.

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mum so recently and I'm only glad that you felt supported then and will continue to have ongoing spiritual support.

It must be such a difficult thing to have to cope with a bereavement whilst at the same time needing to care for your husband, and needing surgery at the same time. Superwoman in fact!

You came up with the only practical solution in safeguarding your husband and making sure he'd be comfortable during your spell out of action.

Of course you should be recovering before resuming your caring, and you need that extra respite care for your husband. Otherwise you'll end up putting yourself out of action for much longer.

You are really doing the best that you can, and it's your intention that matters as much as your actions. Your intention is from the goodness of your heart and love for your husband, not for any selfish reason, so please be kind to yourself, and don't fee guilty.

Very best wishes, and thinking of you at this time of turbulence and grief in your life.

Thank you for two lovely understanding responses, they do,help. X

CallendersgalModerator in reply to Katie019

Glad to help Kathleen, even if it's only a tiny bit. Take good care of yourself and best wishes once again. x

Sorry to hear of your sad news, but thank you for taking time to update us. As the saying goes a problem share is a problem halved. Hope you will feel a little better soon and dont worry about taking more time to recover from your back decompression, your husband is in a safe place and you need too be tip top to care for him when he comes home. Make the most of your respite time. Take care xx

No worries Kathleen, you would be of no value to your husband if you don’t get your back sorted. Alzheimer’s is confusing for person concerned so ensure that he has familiar items around him - photos etc.

I’ve had spinal surgery some six years ago - required some bed/sofa rest for a while at home and gradually built strength up - physio - Pilates- tennis!

Wish you all the best - ensure you take care of yourself first.


Hello Kathleen,

So sad to hear this news about your mum. Our members have given you good advice. Please keep talking to us here. We are here to support you.

Take Care

MAS Nurse & Moderator

Don’t feel guilty,you need to be well to care for your husband. Look after yourself

I am so sad to read the loss of your Mum,a Mum is someone we can never replace and I miss my wonderful Mum every day.

You must not feel guilty for a moment,you are doing the best you can in the circumstances and your own health is most important.

Wishing you well.

So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself too.


I hope your recovery is going well.you need to get properly better,so that you can continue to look after your husband

Thank you for your wishes, they are appreciated.

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