Does caring for your loved one ever make yo... - Care Community
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My wife's had dementia for almost 10 years.She can no longer communicate, lost her mobility and pretty much needs 24 hrs care.I am her full time carer
I have two great sons who come and help me after there work most days however I have lost touch with all my friends.I just devote my life to my wife and get on with it.
My mum moved in with me two and a half years ago. I had never planned for that but she refused to even consider any independant living options available. I had to give up my life for her including my job. In that first year her constant negativity, criticism and general behaviour and depressing demeanour dragged me down to my boots. I had to have counselling to try and deal with it and even though it's not as bad now, I am very unhappy living with her and every day I wonder how much longer it will be before I can have a life again. She was never somebody who wanted to make the most of her life and preferred to be a victim. I didn't sign up for this, it just happened and the feeling of being so trapped is awful. My daughter says that all the time I have been caring for my mum, she has been losing hers!! I could cry with despair most days!!!
Hello there janettepearson! Yours is the only post that has reflected my own experiences, apart from the fact that it's my dad n it's almost 4 yrs. No life, no friends, no job, no company, no freedom, no money. I will say that there's no way I could put him in a care home at this point, I've worked in care, and taught care work so I know the calibre of many carers out there! I had a break the other week for 4 days. Possibly the worst thing I've done in four years, I resent the situation even more now! I keep finding myself getting tetchy n I know it's not his fault so I start the cycle of guilt/anger/resentment/frustration and so it goes on. But the fact can't be changed, he has dementia, he has no present, now is flimsy at best...but none are his fault. Nor mine. This is one of those challenges/curved balls that life throws at us. We catch, we play. Maybe if your daughter spent time with her mum and gran she would feel more a part of ur life? N you would feel more a part of hers maybe? The only other option is to find a care home?
Have cared for a number of family members for over 50 years. I've found even in a crowd you can feel lonely. This sounds crazy until you realise that sometimes if you need to talk you can't for various reasons to people like colleagues. Friends can disappear if you have heavy duty caring. Your health can also suffer due to caring physically, medically e.g illnesses and emotionally.
Having supported a number of family carers over 30 years I've seen carers get to the stage they can't get out of the house. I've even known carers feel suicidal and feeling so isolated and no one can help. I've also seen carers have such a wealth of friendship and support that are fine. Me I've been through most of the stages, but have to be honest, no not at all isn't one of them. Perhaps this comes from having been a child when my first experience of caring happened.
Being both a carer and cared for can make isolation even worse.
Accept it as a big part of your life, bcs it is. But it is possible to find support to get a few hours free each week? Private or social care providers provide company for individuals, leaving you time to go and kick a cat, roller skate around the park, sit and have a coffee in the library, hang from a tree by your toes! Whatever you would like to do for a couple of hours! I had no input from family for 4yrs, but when I asked for help they came thru. Neither brother want to help their dad, and it's not the best cover, but I did need a few days away! N even then I got texts to ask things that he might need etc.!