not easy being a full time carer

[familytree64]

I'm a full time carer to my husband and I must say I'm finding days very hard to cope with i get the mental abuse the huffing and puffing never wonts any thing I cook .

I sit down to have a rest and he wonts a drink a clean pad. or any thing so I don't rest

just find it very hard to cope with is any one else have the same problem

[sassy59]

Things do sound very difficult for you and l wonder if there is a local carers group you coujd join. Can you get any respite care for your husband to give you a break?

I care for my husband too but we get along well with no problems.

You take care of you and your husband needs to remember if anything happens to you who will care for him then? Xxxx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi familytree64, I'm sorry you are having a tough time, full-time caring can be overwhelming, and you are the unsung heroes! You also have needs and you need support to cope, and maybe consider some respite care for your husband or someone to come in a care whilst you have a break. Take a look at these links for more information:

carersuk.org/help-and-advic...

ageuk.org.uk/services/in-yo...

carers.org/our-work-locally

Best wishes.

[Howard25]

I am under the same pressure with my wife , I am very firm with her and tell her to wait and finish what I am doing then I will see to her . If necessary I will finish my cup of tea first or I will say to her is there anything you want before I sit down ,but be firm.

[AliBee1]

Hi.

Do you have family? Is he like this with them or just with you?

Like a child they say that they always hurt the one they trust the most because they know that they won't just tell them to get lost.

Have you been able to organise any respite care in order to give yourself some time? I, and other carers I know, often feel as if the only way they can have any 'me' time is to go out whilst someone else is caring. Even a short break helps as long as you use it doing something for you - not the shopping. One friend said she felt as if she was attached to a piece of elastic when in the house. Thought it described it well.

With reference to the food. Do you take it away or watch him pushing it round the plate as the latter can really get under your skin!! If my husband is doing that I take it away without any comment and sit somewhere else to eat mine then ask if he would like a sandwich or pudding which usually gets a positive response and we are back on better terms. If I make comment or get cross it just aggravates the problem and the whole lot escalates as he just has no ability to see things from my point of view. Sadly dementia does this.

I also make sure that I change his pad before I intend to sit down so i know this will not be needed ie. I plan my rest time. Putting music he likes on helps too or a program he likes on the TV as he is then occupied for a while.

I do find that if he is letting me have some time saying thankyou to him and giving him a kiss seems to make him happier and more likely to co-operate the next time.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck.

If you look on the right by Revitalise a poem I wrote is posted there.

[Cas70]

I do sympathise- sole carer for my husband too - just getting him to get up, eat and wash is a daily struggle. Please go and get help from the list you were given. I have only just reached out and feel so much stronger just talking to them. People who understand and can help so please please get professional help. You are entitled to a life. Good luck

[Barbnken]

I'm fairly new to the constant care that Dementia entails. I've researched for support for carers in our area but found nothing. I put an appeal on our local Facebook page asking if there were others in a similar situation and could we meet to share information. A local café owner offered the use of her premises for meetings. I was overwhelmed by the response! So our carers support group started we meet once a fortnight and the difference it's made to how I cope is amazing. We take our partners with us and just have a "carefree" couple of hours because we're not alone!! I live in a village but it's grown so much that we are losing the community spirit. I hope that by starting the group it will help end the isolation and loneliness that being a full time cared brings. I hope that my experience might help others to find the support that's so needed. xx