Mum needs a care home

[Jennymary]

Hi everyone, this us my first time posting on this particular forum, my brother, sister and myself have quite a big issue to resolve involving our 85 year old mum.

Mum's been in hospital for 4 months and 6 weeks ago a meeting was held involving my sister, social worker, and hospital staff and it was decided mum no longer needs hospital care, but she needs to be moved into a nursing/care home. Brother sister and myself are happy with this decision as mum's health issues include diabetes, partially sighted, very limited mobility, angina, pacemaker. The social worker found a home which would take mum, my sister and I visited and looked around and like it, someone from the home visited and assessed mum and they were happy to have her.

I went to meet the manager a couple of days ago to go through some questions, he wasn't happy I was there, my sister has become mum's main carer over the last few years, but I went as she works full time and the home is about 7 miles away from where she lives, however I live 5 minutes away from the home and work part time, which was why I went with a list of questions that we'd put together.

The problem the home have is that with mum's diabetes she functions better when her sugar levels are about 15, which has been confirmed by a GP, the manager wants to know from us (none of us are medically qualified) how that can be maintained in a nursing home. Mum's also on one to one nursing due mainly to her mobility and vision issues and again the home want to know how they can do this. Within reason mum doesn't need one to one, another problem she has is she doesn't like her own company so in a day room with other people to chat to, watch them coming and going she'll be quite happy.

My big question is will we hit these brick walls with all care homes, or is my sister right when she says it seems now like mum's needs are too complex for this home to cope with!!!

Meanwhile poor mum is still in hospital where it was decided weeks ago she doesn't need to be. Any advice is gratefully received.

[Hidden]

Go back to her social worker and talk about this. Mum probably needs a higher category nursing home, one with a lot more experience and care, not just residential care. Don't move her until you are sure, it is too stressful to keep moving elderly people. If the manager of the home is expressing doubts already, it is not the place for her. Also, if he isn't happy to talk to you, just your sister, that could raise problems in the future. have you got Power of Attorney over your mum's health? If not, do it now and give you and your sister equal powers to decide on things for her.

When you decide on a home, visit a few times without an appointment, (but not at really busy times - mealtimes, bed time, getting up in the morning), and look around. Do people seem content, are they clean and tidy, are the men shaved. Are there things going on or are the residents just sitting in circles in silence. What is the interaction between staff and residents.

I have worked in a nursing home and my mother is in one now so these are all points that I checked out before I decided where to put her.

Hope it all works out for you

[craftinglady]

This home is no good Talk to Social Services and be forceful.

[Jennymary]

Thank you for your reply Mydexter, but ironically it was the hospital that couldn't manage her diabetes!!!! The home where she is seem to be managing her issues lots better than the hospital.

[Jennymary]

Thank you, yes she seems to have settled in very well, she manages to join in with the activities at times, but the most important thing for brother, sister and myself is that mum's happy