I've not posted here before and in all honesty I'm a bit nervous about doing so. Over the last few months, as lock down has begun to ease, I'm becoming quite aware that my drinking is impacting my mental health.
I have a history of depression which I'm struggling with at the moment and have always enjoyed a drink and going out to pubs bars clubs etc since my teens (I'm 25 now) and tend to be the life and soul of the party but I often find I end up drinking more than I plan to and it's having a really big impact on my mental health to the extent where the morning after a big night I often have thoughts of harming myself. I know I need to get better at managing my drinking and was wondering if anyone had so practical tips they've found helped them to cut down/better control their alcohol consumption?
I only really drink at social occasions so it's not at the level where I feel the need to drink outside of those settings but I don't want to lose the social bits that come with drinking, and would like to get better at drinking in moderation - any advice would be much appreciated!
Hi,thankyou for your kind thoughts regards myself and my mother,think its brave for the younger generation to post on here about seeking help,my marriage ended because of a mad binge on drink after suffering a major nervous breakdown,I wasn't proud I choose the wrong path,but the other path was terrifying, its took six years for an apology of sorry,but I still get asked if I miss the wine,beer,! Seems very strange to me ,I suppose I'm a all or nothing guy,but I don't miss it,I miss company when I'm out walking,but I am more confident and positive,now I live alone I have no negative feedback,that seamt to be an issue, thank you all for supporting comments,
Hey there. I can share my experience with alcohol with you. I used it to ‘calm my nerves’,it made me shake. I used it to ‘help me sleep’ I woke up tired,I used it as a ‘social lubricant’ it made me argumentative,I used it to ‘give me confidence’ it made me an asshole. I drank till my liver failed and I still drank when I was 7st, yellow with ten litres of ascites. I spent years trying to ‘moderate’,using excuses like’i come from a big Irish family, it’s in the blood’. All bullshit I fed myself. I was frightened at the thought of a life without alcohol. I’m now a year sober and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, my life is better beyond measure. My suggestion to you is to look at why you drink!? Really look at it. People who don’t have an issue with their drinking rarely question it. Look at your belief systems around alcohol. What value does alcohol bring you? Does it’s serve you, or do you serve it? I don’t drink, it’s not an option, it’s off the table and that’s such a relief. Trying to moderate for me created a constant preoccupation with the damm stuff and it became exhausting. I was obsessed with alcohol. Now I’m free from the chains of that stuff. See alcohol is not fit for human consumption. Best of luck to you!!
Thank you so much for sharing this advice and your experience, thinking about why I drink is an excellent point and not something I've thought about in depth. Thank you and all the best!
That's a great encouraging reply not only to Aqua Blue but to me and I'm sure many others. I'm a regular drinker and have been since the age of 15 (69 now) but have had a few periods where I have decided not to drink...for a few months at a time. I'm now finding that drink is affecting my sleep...if I drink I don't sleep well and am tossing and turning until 4am ish. If I don't drink I invariably sleep really well. I drink well over the recommended 14 units per week but don't consider myself a heavy drinker. I've had some odd liver results over the years but learned to give drink up for a couple of weeks prior to annual LFT's and that seems to sort it - not clever I know. I was even diagnosed with a fatty liver 7-8 years ago after a liver scan but it doesn't seem to have affected me and it's never even been mentioned again by my GP.I want to stop drinking but our social life revolves around friends who all drink and my wife probably has a G&T or three every other day and is a wine drinker too. It's hard to not drink when my wife says 'are you having one'?
Would love to hear from anybody who is in a similar position. As I said at the beginning deanw41's questions have really made me think.
You sound like the PERFECT candidate for “the alcohol experiment. It’s free on “this naked mind” website. Do yourself a favor.
There are tons of “coaching questions “of the exact things you asked (like social settings,) that you can hear on the podcast of this naked mind. (Also free)
There a lot of “methods/solutions” out there. I myself could not stop listening to podcasts /books, and absorbing as much as I could.
A lot of the solutions seemed daunting to me. 90 meetings in 90 days, going through steps, making amends, etc.
This is great for a lot of people, and has saved many lives. I just could not get on board. This Naked Mind approach is like no other. So approachable, customizable, and factual. Truly life changing.
One thing i can share, if you are alcoholic, there is very little chance that you can moderate. But knowing that is not going to keep you from drinking. The mind of the alcoholic always wins. It comes of up with all justification and reasons to drink. And once an alcoholic succumbs to the desire, then he/she is off to the races. There is one more condition to closely monitor when not drinking. The alcoholic is not at ease. There is restlessness, irritability and discontentedness. So in AA, we dont brand others as alcoholic. Its the individual who has to come to a conclusion. There are some tests that the book suggests to see if you are alcoholic or not. The first test is to set an amount and see if you can consistently adhere to that limit. And the 2nd test is, pick a year or longer time to stay sober. Invariably the alcoholic cannot survive that long or just waits for the period to be done and gets back to the old business of drinking. And worst part is they are miserable being during the phase when they are not drinking.
Thank you for sharing this, my current relationship with alcohol is definitely not healthy, I'd like to get to a point of moderation, but I think only time will tell if that will work for me. Thanks for replying!
Yes, only time can tell. Also I see you are already recognizing the un-healthiness around alcohol. Be aware of your in-take and be aware of the mental state of mind when not drinking. That is the key. You may want to tap into the works of Ekhart Tolle. His books A new Earth and Power of Now go in depth into how the mind operates. Also you may want to read the book Alcoholics Anonymous book. Especially the chapter "More about alcoholism". Though written back in late 1930's nothing much has changed how the human mind operates when it comes to alcohol. There are 4 short stories to illustrate the peculiar mental twists that go through the alcoholic before he/she ever takes the first drink. The one i like is the story of a car salesman who thinks "Mixing whiskey with milk and taking it on a full stomach" and takes it. The story goes, the experiment went so well, he ordered another and another........
I personally think you have done amazing by reaching out with your concerns of alcohol at 25 years old.
I wish I did when I was your age, the dangers of alcohol didn't even cross my mind back then.
I was always the life and soul, until alcohol become a big part of my life in later years and came close to death.
Take all the advice you can, you are going down the right path.. Looking forward ,it's only up to you which path you decide to choose, lets hope its the right one 🙂
Oh my gosh absolutely! I would give anything to go back to 25 and question my relationship with alcohol.
That’s just it. Doesn’t need to be “am I an alcoholic”. It shouldn’t be black and white. There is a lot of gray. The question should just be about the relationship you have to alcohol.
I never had a “rock bottom” , I doubt anyone sees me as an “alcoholic “. Not even my family. The problem was the internal agony. It was not serving me and needed to stop.
Absolutely, it’s all about the relationship you have with alcohol. I think it’s progressive to move away from labels, as you said so much grey area.
This might sound a bit harsh,but Dont drink when you socialise,it seems you Dont trust yourself when to say no, I drank for confidence to chat to women,after divorce wish I'd stayed bloody sober,just go easy,but its fun to see your mates drunk threw sober eyes, a friend of mine told me the doctor said to him go easy on the beers,he used to drink 5.8% lager,prob 8-10 pint, so he cut down to 4.1% Carling but the idiot drank 12 pint,so a bit of a wasted time.It could be just self confidence.hope that helps .,
in reply to
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your advice - I'm actively trying to arrange social activities to look forward to over the next few weeks that are not in anyway linked to alcohol and am hoping this will help!
To be honest I always felt I needed to drink when I went out, nerves and confidence,after stopping me and my nephew entered X factor for a laugh and we got to birmingham football stadium first audition,it was hilarious,stopped near broad street in a hotel, and had a great time,no ale in sight, and I have a great memory ,2016. Never forget the look on my ex wife's face,wasn't doing bad for a alcoholic., got through to stage two but went to Tenerife for a two week break,compliments of saved money,my worst fear holiday and a flight without a beer,never bothered me for two weeks,not saying its an easy road,but think its best to resolve your reasons for having a beer. Good luck. I do mean that,
Think about how it could impact your health when older I know at the moment that seems like a long time off but trust me it's not if I could of told my 25 year old self how it would impact me at age 62 I had a liver transplant partly due to drink .don't waste the best years of your life drinking and feeling something is wrong. I'm 67 now healthy happy and I haven't drunk for 16 years yourban mental health will improve by stopping drinking if friends pressure you get new friends good luck
A quick note to say a big thank you to you all for sharing your experiences, your advice and your words of support - I'm overwhelmed by the kind responses I've received and feel much better about starting on this journey after hearing from you all.
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