Just a few jokes to keep morale up, so... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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Just a few jokes to keep morale up, sorry admin, off topic.

davianne profile image
31 Replies

Enjoy:- I am part Irish, so I hope it won't offend,

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife..

The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor.

Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?"

Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.

2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."

Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?."

Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!"

David

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davianne
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31 Replies

Brilliant!! Thank you, David

one2one profile image
one2one

Love 💕 it. xx

Kate50 profile image
Kate50

😂😂😂

alfredthegreat profile image
alfredthegreat

Nice ones :-) :-) :-)

Owlie profile image
Owlie

I don’t get it...? 🤔

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to Owlie

Which one Owlie? or are you just pulling my leg😁

David

Owlie profile image
Owlie in reply to davianne

Neither! Not good with jokes, I’m like Alice off the Vicar of Dibley at the end! 🙄

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to Owlie

I must try harder next time 😁😁😁

ThreeSmiles profile image
ThreeSmiles

Love ‘em 👍😀

Bootandall profile image
Bootandall

🤭😏👍😂😂

ThreeSmiles profile image
ThreeSmiles

I was at the bank a couple of weeks ago and an old lady asked me to check her balance. So, I pushed her over.

Owlie profile image
Owlie in reply to ThreeSmiles

Now that one I got!

ThreeSmiles profile image
ThreeSmiles

I tried to catch the fog yesterday - I mist.

carllovatt profile image
carllovatt

L,,O,,L

Dogbot profile image
Dogbot

Great just what the doctors ordered 😂🤣👍🌈

POSITIVEMUM3 profile image
POSITIVEMUM3

Funny!

Julie8 profile image
Julie8

Thank you Davianne

Really good thank you.

greece54 profile image
greece54

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

purple64 profile image
purple64

Oh thanks for that it really made me laugh. I'm part Irish too 😂

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to purple64

It's the way we tell 'em 🤣🤣🤣

David

"It's a cracker" Let's be Frank, "It's the way I tell 'em" 😜

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to

Welcome Back 😉😜😊❗

in reply to davianne

🤫

Thanks David for your uplifting jokes, life shouldn’t be too serious when everything around us looks so serious!

Hope you all had a blessed Easter weekend.

My wife and I were so happy and full of joy despite all our trials and tribulations, because we celebrated the real reason for Easter {JESUS}

Our prayer is that those who don’t know the Love that our Saviour Jesus has for you will hear Him calling out to the lost in this dark world. All you need to do is confess your sin and ask Jesus into your life. He loves you with an unconditional love. Jesus is the Christ, and there is no other way to our Father in heaven except through Him. Put your trust in Him and let your life be guided by His love.

Back to business; our liver is a wonderful organ that puts up with a lot of abuse! It’s amazing how long we can survive with this damaged organ. I had hep. c for over 40 years, and I am still here after successful treatment the second time around. I thank all the wonderful medical team; but I could not have done it without my faith in Jesus.

Be blessed in Christ Jesus,

Malc

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to

Hi Malc,

Glad you like the jokes.......a bit naughty of me, and totally off topic.

You are literally preaching to a believer, but good to hear anyway 😊😊😊, Our Church are now having services using a video-conferencing program for Sunday services, and a prayer group, which works well.

I have F4 cirrhosis, and constant capsule pain, and just recently sciatica, and as the pain relief is only partially successful, I call on the Lord for help, which often happens.

Stay safe 🙏🙏🙏

David,

in reply to davianne

Hi David, thank you that I’m preaching to a believer!

I’m not sure what F4 cirrhosis is, but it sounds nasty. I’m glad the pain relief is helping partially.

I want to thank you for your input on the forum, it really is helpful.

I’m rather concerned about the health of my liver at the moment. I am having symptoms of itchy hands, feet and shins. If I scratch the itchy parts too much I erupt in tiny red spots (any comments on this would be great).

I was due to have a blood test to make sure the hep c virus was cleared, but since the Covid 19 scare the blood test was cancelled. I looked on line and discovered with 2% of people successfully treated the virus can re-occur. This is quite rare, but not impossible.

Blessings to everyone on the forum. Looking forward to getting to know you more.

God bless you all,

Malc.

ThreeSmiles profile image
ThreeSmiles in reply to

Thank you, Malc, and you too 👍.

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to

Hi Malc,

Thanks for the reply.

F4 cirrhosis is where the scarring, and therefore function of the liver is severely impaired. It can be managed though, and is not a death sentence. I am living proof of that, and my cirrhosis is now compensated, which means, its just about able to perform it's functions with the help of my spleen. That is why my spleen is nearly twice it's normal size.

I had really bad itching, mostly on lower legs and ankles, and used to scratch them raw sometimes.I found that keeping them cool helps somewhat....ice packs for example, and calamine lotion is good too.

At night, I pull the duvet off them so they don't get hot.

I am in the extremely vulnerable group for several conditions, and never leave the house just now, except for clapping for the NHS.

We have Church services using Zoom, and prayer meetings also, so our faith needs are met.

God Bless, and Stay Safe,

David

Thanks David for explaining the type of cirrhosis you have.

Pleased to hear your cirrhosis isn’t a death sentence.

Thanks for tips on the itch problem.

We also have church service and prayer/Bible study using Zoom.

Blessings to you and all the folk on the forum,

Malc

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to

Thank you Malc, 🙏🙏🙏

David

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