I miss my dad: Hi all, My dad has been... - British Liver Trust

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I miss my dad

nataliepotter1980
nataliepotter1980
42 Replies

Hi all,

My dad has been dead for nearly 2 years in September due to cirrhosis. I can't describe how awful it is to watch and how quick it takes over you.

I am left with mix emotions, as loosing someone to addiction leaves so many questions and often find myself wishing.

Wishing he stopped, wishing I did more, wishing so call friends of his had help, wished I'd shouted more, wished we had talked more and I mean properly talked, wished he had listened, wished I had understood, but mainly I just wish that he was still here to see his grandchildren grow up and show them the love he always shown me.

For those of you battling keep fighting, and don't dismiss the Dr's, if you keep drinking you will died there isn't an escape.

I wanted to share some pictures of my dad who was a normal dad he worked, he loved, and he had friends, due to society acceptance, his drinking was never seen as an issue as everyone was doing it.. A battle I'm sure a lot of you go through.

I wish you all the best and if this gives you all the motivation to stop for now it's helped.

And to my dad love you loads and miss you like you will never realise.

Natalie

42 Replies
oldestnewest
TT-2018

Thank you for your message and sharing your story, it’s a great reminder of the danger, and impact on others, of excessive drinking, highlighted by today’s news. Please accept my sincere condolences.

bbc.co.uk/news/health-48860621

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davianne

Hi Natalie, Thank you for sharing your story here. Grieving is always more difficult in the circumstances your Dad was taken from you. You will have lots of lovely, happy memories of him, so just rely on those to help you grieve. I am left with the damage alcohol caused to my liver (cirrhosis), and don't want my daughter and sons to go through what you are suffering now. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

David

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CocoChannel

Thanks Natalie and condolences on your very sad loss. Believe me when I say your story and similar stories are listened to by the likes of me - ex-drinkers who quit - and acted upon.

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Hidden
Hidden

Hi Natalie. I lost my husband through alcoholic liver disease too, 9 years ago now. It has been very hard for my children particularly my son so we know what your are going through.... its very hard. There's no time limit to grief, I don't believe or agree with the old cliche' "time's a great healer" it isn't. Time just allows you to accomodate your grief, it's something that slots into everything else you do in your day. Its like a room you go to, to shout, scream, cry, question yourself and all the emotions you felt on the day you lost your loved 1. My kids had been coping well and we talked together about how we were feeling as often as was needed. But just 18 months ago, my son had a complete meltdown at work, took himself off to a bereavement councellor and after just 30 minutes he came out feeling the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He was 17 when we lost his Dad, now 26, so you see that grief is still very much with him.

I think it's wonderful for us and you to share your lovely photos and memories, but don't beat yourself up about the what ifs. He was, like my husband, lured by this bloody poison and it robbed of our loved ones too soon. The important thing is he obviously adored you, you can see the pride on his face, you can gain much strength from that. Remember the good times, go to that room and cry about the bad when you need to.

Tell your children all about how wonderful your Dad had been before he became ill, share all your memories with them that will keep him still firmly in your life and part of your family.

Keep shouting the message of how alcohol wrecks lives and families but its NEVER going to break us or define who we are.

Huge hug brave lady

Laura xx

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nataliepotter1980
nataliepotter1980
in reply to Hidden

Thank you that is lovely and so true... I think I need to try counseling any ideas where would be good

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to nataliepotter1980

Where do you live ? Xx

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Popel
Popel
in reply to Hidden

What a lovely reply Laura and true.it had me welling up reading it.although I never lost my dad through drinking he did die when I was ten and lost my mother at sixteen. In fact both the original post and yours brought back so many memories.big hugs to you and Natalie xx

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Bootandall
Bootandall
in reply to Popel

((hug))

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Popel

Awe thanks Popel. Its easy to speak from the heart when you've been through the same thing. You poor soul losing both parents at such a young age. It must have been incredibly difficult for you. Im so sorry. I lost my Mum 4 years ago, my Dad just 6 months ago and the first thing thing I thought when he died was " l want my Mum". I'm 57 on Monday and it's still hard to accept that l have no parents anymore. But the memories of their happy faces, their kindness, gentleness and years of dedication will carry me through.

❤❤

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Popel
Popel
in reply to Hidden

It shows you how death to loved ones can still affect us all as I’m now fifty and yet yours and Natalie’s post brought back so many feelings.paul

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ShropshireLass2019
ShropshireLass2019
in reply to Hidden

Wonderful reply Laura!

Love Trish x

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to ShropshireLass2019

Thanks Trish xxx

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davianne
davianne
in reply to Hidden

Oh Laura, what a wonderful, moving post. It brought back my feelings of guilt when I was on the downward spiral...very emotional. It should be mandatory reading for all people dependant on alcohol, to show them how destructive this poison really is.

Many thanks,

David

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Hidden
Hidden

If you contact Cruse bereavement councelling on 08088081677, they will tell you where you local centre is.

L x

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nataliepotter1980
nataliepotter1980
in reply to Hidden

Birmingham thank you, your post was lovely.. My. Little boy knows exactly who grandad is and we speak about him all the time it's nice to remember

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to nataliepotter1980

Wonderful ❤

Hope cruse can help. Love to you both

Xxx

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ShropshireLass2019

Hi Nataliepotter

Just a short note as most on this forum feel your sadness and loss! You must remember you will always have your wonderful memories within your heart and soul for eternity! Your dad is with you always in spirit and one day you'll be together again!

Enjoy life my petal as I'm guessing your dad would have wanted you to be happy! Try and give a smile!

Heres a hug from me!

Love Trish xxxxx💕💕

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nataliepotter1980

Thank you all for your lovely words. I enjoy life and grab it with both hands..my brother and our children are dads legacy and I'm determined to do him proud. Alcohol didn't define him it and it certainly won't be what we are about. I remember dad for his heart of gold, his smiles, and the fact that in his saddest times he always protected me and my brother. We have a blanket made from dads shirts and my little boy always cuddles up with grandad John when he is poorly it's such a lovely way to ensure he is a household name often spoken about, my treasured keepsake xxx

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Bootandall

I love that idea Natalie! 💞

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nataliepotter1980

It's fab my brothers little boy has a little small blanket made of all the labels from the shirt he uses it as a comforter it's fab.. And it means we always use my dad's name.. I say to my little boy loads if he's said or anything... Shall we have a cuddle with grandad John and he will make us better.. And we just sit under it and I just feel in some way dads around x

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Bootandall

Very creative ways to keep your memories alive for the boys! 💕

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to nataliepotter1980

Beautiful ❤❤

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Poobear69

☹️😪😚

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lyn3

Hi natalie..Bless your heart.Its so hard to loose a parent no matter what the cause is. All those what ifs sounds like your beating yourself up over his death, remember its not your fault, no matter what the ifs it wouldnt have made any difference,(speaking from what im experinceing now and when my mum died 4 years ago.She died at the age of 72 because all her organs failing due to being a chain smoker and heavy drinker. All the nagging, sickness,talks, etc never made any difference. Addiction is a hard and cruel thing. No one chooses to have an addiction, the addiction chooses you. So be nice to yourself. Give yourself time to greif times not a great healer, but time helps you deal with it better. My nephew died of liver failure when he was 18 months old, and that was 35 years ago and i still miss him terribly and still hurts when i think how much he suffered and loosing him, but i look at the time we did have with him and one thing addiction cant not take away is memories. They are lovely photos of you and your dad and he looks an amazing man. I find what helps is talking to them as if they are in the room, share what you did that day with him, he is always in your heart..Love and hugs..

Lyn...

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Bubbles201271

I’m going through what you went through now. My dad has cirrhosis just come out of hospital for the umpteenth time for falling over due to being drunk Cut all his eye open and had concussion. I’m absolutely exhausted, his my dad and I love him but st the moment I don’t like him as a person for what his putting me through. His lost all his friends, his grandson who is 22 hasn’t a relationship with him as he his highly embarrassed when his in his company. It’s taken all his dignity and his memory is going . Until recently he was actually able to go out but he has constant diarrhoea now and he just messes himself and doesn’t seem to care. Trust me when I say there isn’t anything you could do, the person really has to want to give up otherwise your fighting a loosing battle. For 10 years I’ve been fighting for my dad back and I’ve lost every time. All I do now is watch him deteriorate and wait for the next phone call.

Take care

Jo xxx

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nataliepotter1980

My dad did stop drinking for a year and to be fair it wasn't to the degrees you describe but he just should've stopped years ago.. The hospital I feel never supported him at all...

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Health_matters1977

Hi Natalie

Thanks for sharing this. Your photos brought a tear to my eye - my home is full of collages of me and my dad - very similar to yours - always smiling when we were together. I feel your pain. My dad died in Feb last year from oesophageal cancer although not necessarily linked to his drinking, I have my suspicions that it contributed and that his liver would not have been in a good state. Just six weeks later I was in the same hospital he died in having 9 litres drained (ascites) from my belly. I’ve never felt so wretched in my life. One thing though - my dad and my situation meant that I stopped drinking instantly - I don’t think I could have had a more severe wake up call - and I’ve made a remarkable recovery and hope it stays this way. The amazing people on this site and their stories kept me going through my darkest days and continue to do so. So thank you for sharing - and I really do know the pain you’re experiencing. It’s a brutal addiction.

Sadly, my cousin is on life support which is likely to be turned off today or tomorrow. He’s 52 and has been a seriously heavy drinker (all day every day) since his teens - there was no getting through to him - he would always find a road that led him to the pub. He had a clot on his brain which was removed - but they found several more and his liver is in such a state he would be unlikely to survive the next surgery and even if he did, he would remain in a vegetative state. I am sure his immediate family and friends will go through the what ifs but I honestly believe bar locking him up, he would also choose and find alcohol - it had him in a vice.

Remember your happy times with your dad - though I know that can hurt too sometimes.

Thanks again for sharing and a warm hug for you.

Beth x

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nataliepotter1980

I am so sorry about that dad stopped for a year but it was all too late x

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MaeWood

I recently lost my father. He was never diagnosed with cirrhosis but has numerous other health conditions that were no doubt related to his lifestyle. I feel your pain. Hugs.

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harrietsssss

important message you have written. I was diagnosed 19 months ago with cirrhosis due to alcohol. I had a no punch consultant who told me I wouldn't last the year, it woke me up, haven't touched a drop since. But the knock on effects physically have been ongoing and sometimes horrible. Wouldn't wish it on anyone but people don't know how honestly it will ruin your life. My thoughts are with you, take care, maybe some will read your letter and it will flick a switch in their head.

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Anantk

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. My dad is diagnosed with HCC 16 months ago and he has undergone 3 sessions of TACE.

It is difficult to see loved ones suffer. He was very disciplined in his diet and lifestyle. I just hope he doesn't feel any pain.

Never tasted alcohol entire life and non smoker. Effing HBV!

My thoughts are with you, hope you get the courage to get over things and succeed in life. I know it's easier said than done.

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nataliepotter1980

Thank you dad never had any help or support just shit.. I have to carry on I have a lovely family and I wanted dads life to mean more than alcohol I want people to look on and go wow.. What a legacy he left he did a good job.. I don't want them to think God he messed up... Because he had an illness that he didn't get the help for it is as simply as that.. If a smoker gets cancer it's a shame if an alcoholic dies it there own fault society is fucked at times xx

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Darsmum100

When I saw those photos of your dad my immediate thought was "what a smashing dad he looks", certainly not "what a sad alcoholic he is". It's so sad that this terrible, unfounded stigma attaches to alcohol-related illness and death. I have alcohol-related cirrhosis and would hate to be defined by that. Cherish your memories of your dear, loving father, as I hope my children and grandchildren will cherish my memory when I'm gone.xx

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nataliepotter1980

Keep fighting I wish you luck xx

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Anantk

I understand what you are saying. But past is past. Your post will inspire many people to take better lifestyle, might inspire friends and family to support the people who have trouble quitting alcohol.

I applaud your post.

We all wish to do many things, can't really materialize everything. We learn, adapt the lesson and move on.

Keep inspiring people.

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Oldham12

Hi

I can't really add anything else to what the wonderful people on here have put but just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

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Roy1955

I hope you dont mind but I copied this post onto an alcohol/drug addiction support site that I use.

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nataliepotter1980

No I'm so pleased if it can help xx

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noodles2

Thinking of you

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aclark1992

I'm so sorry for your loss Natalie. I know time makes the wound scar over and hurt less regularly, but nothing will ever fully heal the loss of a loved one, especially to addiction. My wife's father is currently stage 4, and we have no idea how much longer he has. He's already surpassed the 6 month time limit he was given, but nothing we've done has helped him stop drinking. We've tried talking to him about depression being the root of his addiction, and that as fellow mental disorder sufferers, we understand the drinking is a symptom. We set up free counseling with an addiction specialist. He refused to go. Tried to get him into a recovery community. He wants to live alone. Tried confronting him about wanting to die. He just says "I'm fine." Leaving only anger, frustration, resentment... He has even started telling others his cirrhosis was not alcohol related, but because of medication he was prescribed. Nothing will stop a person who doesn't want to live from dying. We can't make him want to live, which hurts his only daughter, feeling her own father would rather check out than live to see her grow, have a family, and find her own reasons for living... We all have to find them for ourselves. I apologize for ranting but haven't shared those thoughts in a long while. I'm so grateful that your father loved you as long as he could - it's passed on through you, now, to the rest of us. Thank you for sharing. May you have peace knowing your father is still with you, albeit not the physical way we all grow accustomed to, I know he is walking with you every step. Sending love & positivity from CO.

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nataliepotter1980

Thank you at least you have done all you can. My dad stopped drinking for a year but also Dad was let down by Dr's I'm sure of that didn't get into a specialist clinic until 30 August he died 21st September but I know as soon as his symptoms got bad he fought and the last few days he wanted them to put the feeding tube in again saying to them whatever the chance was he would try.. So I have comfort in that... He walked me down the aisle, he was there to hold my son, and to be honest was always there as a dad, it just looked like he partied to much.. But wasnt sipping drinks at 8 in the morning.. But he was drinking to much that's a fact.. Help and guidance needs to be more available and unfortunately the NHS is a real post code lottery that does cost x

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Mcmaddy

Hi Natalie,

I’m so sorry for your loss and I just want to speak with you as your story is just like mine. It is also almost 2 years in sept I lost my lovely dad to cirrhosis and I miss him so much. In fact I could have been writing your post! It would be nice to chat to you if you would like as I find it hard to discuss with anyone else. I know you understand. Hope to

Speak to you soon,

Leanne x

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