No more pain...: As I sit here alone... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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No more pain...

56 Replies

As I sit here alone with thoughts of all my husband has been through, it is with sadness I add the disease finally took his life. I said my last goodbye to my soulmate, best friend and husband yesterday. He could have been drained one more time but he refused to prolong the inevitable. He had so much talent, so much to give the world. I As much I know he wanted to live as everybody would, he put put up one heck of a fight. I ask myself could I have prayed more? .. the fight made me tired so I pray for strength, for those of you that are going through liver disease as IT WAS HARD to watch my loved one suffer so long. I had a lot of support the past few days as we prepared his service but now I am TOTALLY ALONE and ask myself now what. Ive cried so much and they come but they stop. I'm sure the floodgates will open in time. As a believer, I know I will see him again.

56 Replies
Countrywalks profile image
Countrywalks

So sorry for your loss hes at peace now no more suffering may god help you in this difficult time .take care x.

AyrshireK profile image
AyrshireK

Thoughts very much with you, it's been a hell of a time for you both. So sorry that you have now lost your dear man but he is now at peace without all the agonies he's been through. Much love coming your way.

Katie xx

Millie09 profile image
Millie09

So so sorry to hear the sad news .. God bless you and may he give you light and peace..x

alfredthegreat profile image
alfredthegreat

I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your loved one. I wish that there was something I could say to bring you some comfort. Just know that I am thinking about you and sending you comforting vibes. sincere condolences. Alf.

Isabelle2 profile image
Isabelle2

Oh my love, I am so desperately sorry for you. I cannot imagine your pain. I am sure, however, that he would not have suffered. You have clearly been lucky to have found your soulmate and I am sure he would want you to remember the good times.

Sending you lots of love

Isabelle

Hi

I'm so sorry to hear of your dad loss. He's at peace now. It must be so hard for you. If you ever want to talk pm me and I will help you all I can. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

Im so very sorry for the loss of your husband. Gain strength from memories you made together during happier times.

With love

Laura xx

My thoughts are with you in this hard time. You've described him as quite a brave and noble man. A truly deep sadness looms when such a strong fight is lost by such a remarkable person. May his memory fill your heart with happiness and the fondest of thoughts. My sincerest of condolences. ❤

Jski profile image
Jski

I am so sorry for your loss. This sounds exactly like I could have written this. My wonderful husband just died of the same horrible disease 10 days ago. Because of this I know there is nothing I can write to make you feel any better. I am just grasping on to the idea that at least both of our husbands no longer have to suffer. If you ever need to talk to someone who is in the same exact boat, please don't hesitate to message me. I'd love to hear about your husband and, who knows, maybe we could help each other through our grief. Hang in there...

in reply to Jski

I too am so sorry for your loss. I dont like to bring up painful memories but I hope your husband did not suffer? Do you have others with you so your not alone? Unlike me I now live alone except for my 2kittens which fill some joy in my day. In the grieving process do you go through a type of numbness?

Jski profile image
Jski in reply to

Andy did not suffer in the immediate end but the last several months of his life were very hard for him. I am so devastated without him. I live alone (the other love of my life, my 16+ year old dog passed away just months before Andy got sick). As much as I don't want to be alone in this house without him, I also don't even want to go out and do anything. I am completely numb. Not even sure what to do with myself. Andy and I were watching a series on Netflix when he died. I can't even bring myself to finish that now because in some weird way I feel like I am betraying him by getting to see the end while he didnt. I just sort of feel like I am under water moving very slowly while the rest of the world is moving very fast.

in reply to Jski

Oh my dear you are not alone. I too sit here alone in this big empty house, feeling numb as you do and thinking what now. Today I pick up my husbands remains. I honestly dont know how to feel about that. We both wanted to be cremated but how am I going to feel with his remains with me now. I guess I'll find out. Feel free to share with me as I share with you. Life must go on. People keep telling me.."you know he would want you to take care of yourself (or do this or that)" and they are so right. I know my husband would not want me to give up..stay strong and one thing at a time. The floodgates will come and go..let them. There is no correct way to grieve.

in reply to Jski

And in memory of him finish watching the Netflix you were both sharing. I watched our wedding DVD last night but numbness was there. A few tears but not as much as I know is still to come.

in reply to Jski

I'm just wondering how you are doing. It has been a week and I haven't spent one whole day at home. I Am exhausted but It's my grandsons bday tm and as much as I'd like to stay home, pack my husbands things to give to family, I will likely go see them. I guess it's good to stay active and part of family How are you doing? I've been thinking and hoping you were ok?

Jski profile image
Jski in reply to

I wrote a whole.long response to this then I somehow mistakenly made it disappear... anyway, I'm somehow getting by, keeping busy-with frequent crying breaks. Hang in there, somehow, we WILL both get through this.

in reply to Jski

I was going thru my posts from the beginning. It's ironic but they seem to have given me memories of my loved one. By far great memories but memories enough to feel him next to me. I miss him soo much. I wish I could say I dont have regrets. The one regret I ask myself is "Did I pray enough for him". Could my prayers have changed things..would God have given me a miracle had I prayed? So I feel bad. Then I read the things I wrote some regrets there. I need to remember it takes its toll on the caregivers and tires one out. How are you holding up? I know we both lost our loved ones around the same time and I so hope you have support and someone you can talk to...in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

Smyally profile image
Smyally

So sorry for your loss. He put up one heck of fight. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time xxx

My heart breaks for you. But you’re a woman of faith and you will see him again. You’re husband is finally at peace. He’s resting with no pain. No tubes no hospitals etc. He’s Free 🙏❤️. We on earth suffer more because we miss our loved ones. He’s in a beautiful place. You will be ok. It takes time. In time your pain will be less and you will start healing and your memories together will beautiful and you will smile. Circle ⭕️ of life. I pray for your strength and healing. You were a great caregiver and wife and he knows how much you loved him. Take care. Sorry for your loss ❤️

Pitsam11 profile image
Pitsam11

God is with you - you’re never all alone. So very sorry!

So very sorry that you have lost your loved one, a truly sad time for you. My thoughts are with you for the difficult time ahead.

Mark.

Catherine2017 profile image
Catherine2017

So sorry for your loss. I have this terrible disease and I know he’s at peace now . My prayers are with you.

in reply to Catherine2017

I am sorry to hear that you too have this dreadful disease. Are you at a stage 4? I know it can be rejuvenated if yours is not too far. I was told things like Milk Thistle and asparagus is very good. We found out this stuff too late when he could barel eat. I also know my husband couldn't handle taking the Lactulose as he literally had to run to the bathroom 4-6x a day. I couldn't do it. I feel now i could have done so many things different but that would cause guilt within me and I'm not doing that to myself. Just know if your liver is not to far gone it can be rejuvenated.

carllovatt profile image
carllovatt

my wife and truly better half joined her ancestors nearly a year ago

the numbness, emptiness, and deep heartache is so huge.

the spiritualist church healing helped me to live,

the old wives tail of staying busy, and keep occupied, works. what you do is up to you

love and peace carl

in reply to carllovatt

Thank you for mentioning the numbness. I just asked another person about that feeling as that is how I feel.

carllovatt profile image
carllovatt in reply to

It's like all the emotions are not Working and it's a void inside and you don't know what or how to feel and there are just tears...

AmericanDemocrat profile image
AmericanDemocrat in reply to carllovatt

I am so sorry, Carl. 😥

Oh my ☹️. Poor poor you. Hope you do cry soon - it’s got to be good for you - as good as anything at this torrid time,

Hope you feel better, at least a bit better soon...

Miles xxx

JackiePA profile image
JackiePA

So sad for yours and your family's loss. You will get strength from your family and friends and lots of memories to make you smile and the love in your heart will never fade xxxx

harrietsssss profile image
harrietsssss

my thoughts are with you...no words can I say to ease your pain but I know here you are not alone.

Such sad news, I will think of you and light a candle in rememberance

Michella313 profile image
Michella313

I can’t describe the sorrow I feel for your loss. I’m devastated that you feel that you are alone. Obviously I’m alerted to posts that deal with end stage liver disease. Fact is my husband has been diagnosed with this as well, so I subscribed to this page. My husband has non alcoholic end stage liver disease from the chemo that “treated” his colon cancer. Tonight he was once again re-admitted due to Ascites infection. I don’t know the road ahead. I’m struggling as much as I can imagine you did. I’m lost. 2.5 years cancer free but he’s not eligible for a transplant until he’s 5 years cancer free. I don’t know how we could connect personally but I would sure love some honest and actual facts on what to expect.

Jski profile image
Jski in reply to Michella313

Please feel free to private message me. I just went through this horrible disease with my husband. I will help you in anyway I can. I know I was in your shoes, frantic to find info and answers. Though everyone's experiences are different, I can at least relate anything relevant to my husband's journey. -Jackey

in reply to Michella313

My heart went out to your post as your loved one still has hope. If I can help in anyway with any info I will. Please dont be afraid to ask specifics. I cannot believe he has to be free from cancer 5 yrs , why is that? Does he take Lactulose for fluid build up/Ascites? That was one thing that is and was hard for my husband. He had to drink it daily and of course came the diarrhea. I cannot imagine literally running to the bathroom 4-6x a day which is what helped stop the fluid build up and HE. However that is one of the most important meds he had to take but it didnt last. I wouldn't be able to do that every day. He quit taking it. And then he could have seen the specialist but he would say "why, to hear him tell me what I already know." I often think I should have been more demanding on him taking meds seeing the specialist....but to prolong the inevitable. He had stage 4 ..irreversible..damaged 100%. 2-5 yrs of life they claim, almost 3 is what he got. Just love him, make memories and have no regrets.

Adelou profile image
Adelou

So sorry for your loss. It is hard bit you will find the strength to get through this and you just make sure that you low look after yourself xxx

davianne profile image
davianne

I am so sorry for your loss. The only comfort you can have is that you will always have your memories, this awful disease can't take those from you, and he is in a much better place now. I try to be upbeat about my cirrhosis, but sometimes thoughts of what the future holds, overwhelm me. Please look after yourself, and try to keep yourself busy. I have many friends who have lost their loved ones, and they say time is their friend in the grieving, but their enemy in the evenings.I will pray for you both, that you can both find peace.

Take Care,

David

Jski profile image
Jski in reply to davianne

David, stay hopeful and upbeat. It doesn't have to go this way for you. I wish you all the best.

davianne profile image
davianne in reply to Jski

Thanks Jski, I am resigned to the fact that a Tx is not on for me due to my age (71), so I will just enjoy myself. My end stage cirrhosis is at least for the moment compensated, and with care, will hopefully stay that way.

Take care,

David

Lilybug profile image
Lilybug

So sorry for your loss, there are no words, that truly help but the members on here are kind, take some comfort from this they truly have an understanding of just how tough it has been ❤️

Grank profile image
Grank

We are so sorry for your terrible loss.

At this sad time please try to recall those special memories you shared. It is to his great credit that he was loved so much and his time was meaningful and special to you.

Grief comes in waves and you mustn’t fight it. But if it gets too much, counselling is extremely helpful in many instances.

You are in our thoughts. XX

Ocala626 profile image
Ocala626

I am so sorry for the loss of your soulmate. I can only imagine the numbness you are feeling. I'm glad your faith gives you the knowledge you will see him again. He would want you to live your life but take your time with the grief process. Just be good to yourself right now.

Sincere condolences from us all at the Trust.

skay1957 profile image
skay1957

I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for you.

LAJ123 profile image
LAJ123

Our thoughts are with you at this time of sorrow.

Jim and Lucy

jazzjam profile image
jazzjam

My thoughts are with you at this time, both you and your husband went through so much but he is at peace now. I hope in time you will find your peace, you did everything possible you could. All the very best to you, it’s time to take care of yourself now x

Peppy05 profile image
Peppy05

So sorry for your loss God bless you

Star11 profile image
Star11

So sorry for your sad loss.

I know too well the depth of your pain since I too lost my husband last year to this horrific disease which he tried so hard to fight.

I too will never forget the last moments with my husband as it happened so sudden and unexpected.

I am still not able to come terms with losing my husband , I miss him everyday and forever. My thoughts are with you xx

Casinobo profile image
Casinobo

May God comfort you in your loss, and give you strength to move forward without your Soulmate. I pray that you will be together again, and the Lord will guide you through this storm. It sounds like your husband was a Great man. He will now live pain free in eternity with our Heavenly Father. I’m so sorry for your loss.🙏🙏🙏

Fraoch4711 profile image
Fraoch4711

Sending you love and light in what surely is the worst of times

So terribly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Jaycee

Supportinghubby profile image
Supportinghubby

I'm really sorry for your loss. It's so terribly sad but hopefully your pain will lesson in time & you can remember the good times. We are all thinking of you xx

kyia profile image
kyia

I'm so sorry for your loss.

nannyduck profile image
nannyduck

im so sorry for your loss I completely understand what you have gone through and going through we lost mum just over two years ago to this awful desease she fought long and hard but in the end I consoled myself with the fact that she no longer had to go through any more drains or anything else that came with it try to stay strong for yourself and take comfort in the fact that there is no more pain and you will be together again one day try to find someone to talk to who can help you through this

GrandmaDylan profile image
GrandmaDylan

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Do you have any family or friends you can turn to? I hope that you do.

in reply to GrandmaDylan

Yes I do..thank you. My older sister calls me every day so far. She just knows exactly what I needed..as well my daughters call too

Red50 profile image
Red50

Soo very sorry for your loss, as I have liver disease aswell, my prayers and best wishes to you 🙏

Shakyamuni12 profile image
Shakyamuni12

so sorry for your loss Sammie

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