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British Liver Trust
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Caregiver for my fiance with alchohol cirrhosis.

Hello everyone...I came across this site and wanted to share with you my story of My fiance.. we live together for 8 years ..I am his caregiver and everything else..He was diagnosed with cirrhosis in 2010..There came a point where he was hospitalized for a week due to alchohol cirrhosis everything you can imagine he was in that situation. He survived was doing well but he still continue to drink, not very much maybe I would say about 8oz a day...of straight or mixed volka behind my back..As of today he still continues, only thing is more is happening..he had a bleed out where 5 varacies was rubber ban and he now has portal hypertensive so they put him on beta blocked to keep his blood pressure low..I notice he is losing muscle mass and his acities has return ..I tried to tell him to stop drinking but he lives in deniel..and does not admit..he has short term memory also..now he tells me he getting constipated..he does have a collapsed colon problem he visit his doctors but it's like they are just listening and doing not much..he had a endoscopy done again and was diagnosed with another small varices at 4mm...also a small hiatus hernia..also servere portal hypertensive gastropathy. Somedays his skin looks yellow to me..I believe he is at end stage liver ..all they say is his liver is chronic liver cirrhosis..my question is how much time will I have with him...i am worried for him in what will happen next.

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Hi Sugartaffy. If he's still drinking and still in denial as you say he is there is little you or anyone else can do.

When I was in your situation I took it upon myself to see my husbands and my own doctors begging them to do something. I was struggling to cope with his denial his lies, him stealing money to feed his filthy drinking habit, running my business and looking after and protecting our 2 children from seeing him drinking and drunk.

The docs agreed to see him that afternoon. I told him I'd got an emergency appointment for his depression. Once there the docs agreed he should be hospitalised a) to give me the break I needed and b) to detox him. Which they did. He lost a lot of weight his hair went lank and discoloured and his skin turned yellow from head to foot including the whites of his eyes. He aged 30 years within days. He was told he had cirrhosis and if he didn't stop drinking he wouldn't see 60.

He didn't stop drinking.... he couldn't he was hooked. No matter what I or anyone else said he carried on. 2nd detox. While in hospital I found empty cider cans shoved up the sleeves of his jackets, under the seats of his car and buried in his golf bag.

I couldn't stand it any more. He moved in with his mum after he was discharged and a 1 to 1 councellor put in place for weekly house visits. I told him loved him and once he was better he could come home. He was dry for 3 months and was told if he continued he would go on the transplant list. It was too late. On 1 of the weekends he stayed with us his nose was bleeding for hours. I called an ambulance and was rushed to the high dependancy unit where he was diagnosed with liver and kidney failure. Taken to intensive care where he developed pneumonia and died 10 days later aged just 54

I can't say what your fiances future holds but it all sounds so familiar to me. I hope you have a better outcome than we did.

Stay strong... big hug and take care

xx

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I am so sorry to hear what had happen to your love one..You went thru alot and like you said we try to help them by seeking help but when they sneak it's just not good..in the beginning when I found out he had cirrhosis right away I said AA ..he told me he would go ..and he did he got sober got rewards then one day he stopped going but all along he was back having his Volka...just like it was a waste of my energy to get him go and to stop..I finally realize that no matter what I did I cannot change him..they would have to change themselves and no one can do it for them..Today is his birthday he turn 52..For now I will take it one day at time...thankyou for chatting with me ..I will keep you update on his condition..no alchohol yet!! Again my condolence to you...

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Awe thankyou xx

I really feel for you. I had no joy with AA having spoken to them before his 2nd detox about what they do, I realised it would be pointless. He Would have needed to drink 2 pints of cider to give him enough courage to walk in the room and say " My name's Andy and 'apparently' I'm an alcoholic !!"

He sounds so like mine was. They can be so deceitful so unfortunately you have to be constantly on your toes and get 2 steps ahead of them. I closed joint bank accounts. Where he'd been coming to me for money for fuel, I stopped that as he'd spend the majority of it in the pub. I arranged a credit card for him in his name only with ppi. So when he became to ill to work, I claimed on that to pay the premiums and when he died I got thousands back plus his life insurance and pension but I had to be very shrewd and it was exhausting. It would have been so much easier if someone could have advised me on these practicalities which needed to be faced to ensure I wasn't left with his debts , just security for my children's future.

Any time you want to chat Sugar, it's fine by me. If I can I will help of course.

I hope he sees sense and gets well so that you and he can have a happy future together and many more Birthdays.

Stay strong love. Thinking of you

Laura x

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Thankyou Laura...We were going to get married once but I back off because I realize I would have to pay his medical Bill's and if he could not stop then why marry.. I would still be his everything but not in marriage..I will stay as a caregiver..and do my very best..but it's up to him in that department..to just give it up his Volka everyday...so far so good no alchohol as of yet but I know close to 4 or 5 I will know...take care Laura..will keep you updated..and thankyou!! for being there.

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You're being very sensible and looking after YOUR needs too. X

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Thankyou. .Yesterday we went out for dinner my drinks I had order was a cup of coffee and water..he order a light beer and water..i do not know if he had his Volka but i was hoping not..i was looking at him and i notice his skin was a bit yellow..eyes are ok..but i could tell his looks alittle sick looking to me..no dr apts this week..

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Hopefully he didn't have vodka too. All you can do is get a docs appointment booked asap and ask the receptionist to let you know if a cancellation becomes available I guess

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I think he just had that light beer from dinner..cause he went to bed early he said he was tired...he had his blood test result..mostly everything is high except his red blood cells was low...white cell count is ok..thyroid was high..don' t know what that means..ugh..oh Laura I am from Florida i hope it's ok to chat here...❤

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Yes of course you can chat here anytime x

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Hi

Is your partner being considered for a liver transplant?

He has to find it in himself to stop bacisally forever.

Kings do a huge amount of blood tests on the first day of their assessment week. One of the tests is for alcohol....

Its a horrible situation for both of you.

Good luck

John

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Not as yet..I keep asking him if the Doctor mention..but no answer yet..but even if he could be his alcohol has to go...

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No he won't go onto a transplant list until he has abstained from alcohol for 6 months. They can't risk putting a healthy liver into someone whose still drinking as they would continue drinking after the op.... what would be the point. Don't forget these organs don't grow on trees someone has to die for them to become available it would be wrong for the recipient to abuse such a gift.

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I truly agree...I really don't think he will have a transplant...he got to many issue on his plate...not just alchohol but Mgus that they found thru his blood...I always wanted the best for him but I know it's not going to happen..I am happy he lived this far in life....

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How old is he if you don't mind me asking ?

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He will be 52 tomorrow..June 3

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Uh. Thought he would be in his 50s. It's that age isn't it ? When the body reacts badly to all that rubbish which has been chucked down their throats for years. Unbelievable how many people are seriously ill, dying or dead because of this poison. I dispair sometimes 😩

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So many people are getting sick from drinking..I do not even touch alcohol..I see what it does to people...I rather have tea ..

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Me too. Earl or lady grey is my tipple. Iced water when we go out for meals. My lovely husband only drinks water, milk and ribena.... such a wonderful contrast to my first ☺

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Hi Laura. Earl Grey for me too - every time and preferably in a big cup 😊

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Will you be able to stop him having a drink to celebrate his his birthday ? Daft question I'm guessing?

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Which country are you in Sugartaffy ? When you talk of health care charges and drinking in oz's I am assuming not the UK. Just asking because you'll get lots of responses from a UK perspective and I know that other countries where medical insurance and paid for health care are totally different from over here.

Katie

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