Well, here I am at the end of another dry week, and a little proud of myself. I say LITTLE, because I've gone much longer before. What scares me, though, is that there is the weekend ahead. Another lonely weekend where I hide at home because it hurts to see other people (couples), happy and enjoying life. This is the sixteenth weekend that I spend alone; my wife left on the 26th of June, and I miss her terribly sometimes. We talk on the phone almost every day, and I feel like s*** afterwards sometimes. But weekends are the worst; it's the time when that little voice tells you all the time - what the hell for? Why be alone and sober? Get the hell out there and drink and enjoy life, man. Get drunk and tomorrow you maybe won't wake up all alone - again! And who knows: tomorrow you you may die in a accident; or North Korea might blow up the world, or, or...
I'm lucky in one sense, though. She left me the two dogs and the cat, and they all looove me...
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corriec
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Maybe you could try going to a gym? It might be a good way to meet new people who are also trying to improve their health. ...other ideas; bake cookies and pass them out to the neighbors, take the dogs to the park or visit a museum. You just developed a habit and you need to find a way to forget about the drinking and have fun in other ways. You can do it!
Your doing fantastic. Remember your doing this for the long run. Giving into it will only lead to guilt and regret. You’ll reach a point when you can go out and socialise and not miss having a drink. But in the meantime your doing well! Give yourself a pat on the back and find something else that will make you happy.
If you,like forums there is a really supportive site you could join its called soberiats but there are also men on there although there is a joining fee they have a chat line also. Another one is club soda which is free. Good luck just take one day at a time .Or you could try alcohol free beers so you don't feel as if your missing out.
Hi Alexann, I totally respect your response to this question. However, I do disagree with the alcohol free beers bit. Sadly if a person develops a drink problem, they become susceptible to what are known as triggers. This triggers act on our conscience and play on the mind. Then a little poltergeist comes and sites on the shoulder and says, "go on, have one. One's not going to hurt you"? Once that seed has been planted its becomes a battle of wills. In this case it's always good to remember that it's not the sixth or eighth drink that's going to cause the damage, it's going to be the first one.
Sadly these triggers are all around us, it's a case of knowing how to deal with them. The Queen Vic, or Rovers Return are triggers. That advert on the side of a bus, etc. The craving is for alcohol and the taste just fuels the craving. So, alcohol free beers and wines wont really help. Besides, in order to buy them you'll have to walk down the alcohol aisle in order to get them.
This isn't a criticism Alexann, and certainly don't mean to offend, but I thought point out the raging battle that a person has to cope with and go through.
I totally understand what you are saying but reading lots of forums they do also help a lot of people, but of course everyone is different some people find they really help in social situations but of course if they are a trigger for you then they wouldn't be helpful. They do work for me though when I gave up my nightly wine like I said we are all different Good luck though whatever works for you.
I don't drink any more, but I totally understand the mind set. I have always advocated when talking to others, that no two people are alike. We may all have travelled down different paths in life. But we all end up with the same set of problems in the end. There are some institutions out the I disagree with like AA, but it obviously works for some people so anything that helps and works can only be a good thing.
I certainly had a drink problem in my past, but it really doesn't bother me anymore. We have alcohol here in the house, and I often pour a glass of wine at night for my wife. It no longer bothers me. I've not had a drink for 3-years, and never will drink again.
I totally understand an respect your comments. Don't ever stop wanting to reach out and help and advice others. If we can get through, and offer our experiences and advice to others, then it's all worth while.
Hi yes it's good to try and help others always as everyone is different.
Of course the main thing is to decide and get mentally prepared to give up drinking otherwise you will fail as there is drink everywhere and of course it's not a problem for everyone so whatever helps has to be good but at the end of the day it's an individual choice you can't shut yourself away for ever and avoid all situations that's why I suggested AF drinks to help I know that's not for everyone but a lot of people chose to have those nowdays and not everyone with a drink problem I know quite a bit about addictions so was overniing some alternative 's to try and help.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. But there are a few problems here, and you are not alone.
Firstly, well done on staying off the booze. I know it's early days, but it's a start. I think your brain is trying to sort out your life and may well be going around in circles and missing the point. Now is the time where you need to be totally honest with yourself and try and psychoanalyse yourself. Find out why you started drinking in the first place. What was the cause and reason behind it?
You'll be amazed just how common your situation really is (but a lot of people are afraid to admit it as to do so means them having to face up to their demons). I don't mean to pry, but was alcohol the reason for your wife leaving? I suspect that your present situation is causing you to suffer with depression. And, here you are having a possible double dose of depression. Firstly the situation it's self would cause you to feel depressed, and then alcohol is going to add to the mix as it's also a depressant.
On top of all this, you are now trapped in a loop my friend. Your using alcohol to lift and lighten the mood, but then when you go passed the happy stage, the gloom sets in. You then try and drink more to lift the gloom... and so it goes on.
One of the reasons people drink is to escape. Here they are trying to lock themselves away inside a bubble. It's like going back inside the womb, where they feel warm and secure. We want to be alone and feel safe, we therefore push people away, even the one's we love and care for. So, here you have a double edge sword, and a ragging battle going on. On the one hand your pushing people away, and on the other hand your feeling lonely and unloved.
You many not realise it Corriec, but all this is all down to alcohol, and the cycle needs to be broken. It will get better, but you need time to heal too, both physically and mentally. The fact that you are in daily contact with your wife makes me think that she still cares about you.
I hope this makes some sort of sense and helps to make you think.
Just try and stay strong and have faith in yourself. Anything is possible if your really want it. But you won't find the answers in a bottle or a glass.
Good Luck friend.
In my case, just remembering how terrifying it was the second time my varices bled, is enough of a motivator to stay sober.
Hi and well done for managing to stay dry so far this week. Unlike Richard I totally get AA, and through their help and fellowship I am approaching (Albeit slowly) 16 years of uninterrupted sobriety. I also understand why people misunderstand AA, and the use of the word ‘god’ can scare people away. I am not religious in any way but accept that a group of drunks knew more about staying stopped than I did, so they became my god. AA is so much more than a way to stop drinking, it’s a way to stay stopped, and a place to meet like minded people who over time will become true friends. Since going to AA I have never felt alone, I have always had people to talk to and share exactly how I feel. Where I do agree with a Richard is using Alcohol Free Beer or Wine as a substitute. They are meant for people who don’t have a problem with Alcohol, and from hearing people who have gone back out there it has often started with the use of these products. AA is not the only answer, but is is the easiest way I have known. If I Mr Sceptical can do it, so could anybody. Today my life is perfect. I have my Wife (came very close to losing her) my Kids (were at the point where they wanted nothing to do with me) my Grandkids (weren’t even born yet) my Parents (now I am their rock) countless true friends, both non drinking and drinking friends. All of these people are in my life and all I had to do was hit rock bottom and then put down that drink. I am an Alcoholic, I will always be an Alcoholic, but I want to die with it not because of it.
I was in the same situation as you are. It will get easier. I was in hospital for 26 weeks in 17. It that time when I nearly died 3 times, had encephalopathy more times than I can remember, would have said split up from my mrs but as I was in hospital at the time was more a case of don’t come home. As part of that I had nowhere to live as I was kicked out and effectively made homeless and so on, but I’m a stubborn got so just had to try and crack on.
As I was in the hospital bed I was thinking, right that’s me, what’s the point, after I leave here, if I leave here, what am I going to do?? I had stopped drinking and as I promised my liver consultant after he saved my life that I wasn’t going to drink again. Being stubborn helps. But as I said, when I was there in a very bad place I looked around the ward, I was 43 at the time and was thinking that’s it, t over, what’s the point yadda,yadda, yadda.
At that point I was just chatting to the nurses, doctors, dietitians, physios and so on and realised that there were so many people that I didn’t know that were all there trying to help me get better. Didn’t matter what was going on elsewhere, the actually cared. Cared that I was ok, mentally as well as physically. Cared that I was going to be OK. You could say that it was their jobs but they went deeper than that. After I well say went ‘home’ I thought it would stop and that’s it, your well enough so bye bye. But no, I’d get random calls from them, every thing ok? Anything we can do? And so on.
Anyway, went a bit off topic there, but there is support all round you, you might not know it’s there but it is. People on here who chances are you’ll never meet are here to chat to, explain feelings to, bounce thoughts and ideas off. Hopefully your doc will be there to help with things, even people in the pharmacy, the list goes on and on and every single one of them will want to help you, listen to you, just even chat a lot of bollocks to.
Lost my train of thought there, ahh got it back. I was sitting thinking at home on a Saturday night, thinking what’s the point and so on. Everyone feels like that but when I look at the bigger picture I see the point. To me it was simple, I drink I die. And no matter how else I looked at that was the end result and I’m stubborn so I’m never, ever, going back to where I was. There is always a bright side, you just have to look for it. So many people will want to help just let them. Might not agree 100% with them but let them help.
Just remember that you do have people that care and want to help just talk to them, call people, message people on here. I would say that every person on here has felt the way that you feel sometimes. It will get better/easier. And at the end of the day.
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