Recovered-Advice-Psychological Toll

Dear All,

Firstly thank you to this forum, it educated my about a number of things. Most of all the courage that people have and that one should be grateful for their lives. I have noticed here that whatever ones problems are, there are people with bigger problems who deal with them in an inspirational way.

I had explained in an earlier post thatI got Hep A in January 20016 and when I got to the hospital it was realized that I was suffering from acute liver failure with an INR of 2.5. This resolved over the next few weeks any my LFTs are were back to normal. Of course I was a heavy drinker. I did not know I had hep A and had a night of binge drinking ..... the combination of the HEP A and alcohol was too much to take and was probably the cause of liver injury.

A Fibro scan done 2 months after that showed a liver stiffness of 7.7 KPA with F1 Fibrosis. I repeated my fibro After 6 months and the score was 6.5 with F1. At this point the doctor said this is what I have to live with. However, a fibroscan done a few days ago in December had an average of 5.1 with the highest reading as 5.5 = F-0. Phew,

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.

This is great news as I did not expect to recover but I do wish I would have done things differently during recovery.

I had quite alcohol for 6 months but then had up to 6 drinks per weekend. And this is what I want to talk about and explain that you don't have to be an alcoholic to psychologically mess yourself up while/despite recovering, an addictive personality is enough to ruin your quality of life should you give in to the temptations like I did.

While I was getting better every month, I spent the last 1 year in a complete state of trauma and paranoia. I would check my eyes, google stuff, look at my fingers and worry on a daily basis. It affected my family life, my work life, friends...everything. Im afraid the reason for that was not my illness as I was clearly getting better, it was the guilt because I was drinking over the weekends and I knew it was wrong.

I would have had a much better year if I had totally cut it out.

My point is that I was very lucky to have recovered but along the way screwed my brain up completely, just because I drank on weekends. Maybe I am not an alcoholic as no withdrawals when I quite and have quite easily managed to keep it to once a week, but the fact I did keep drinking shows a level of addiction I wish I would have addressed to save a lot of psychological trauma for me and my family (maybe I am one).....and the time has come for me to take that step and get help to get rid of it....I would love to celebrate by going on a binge but I realize now that this is not about the liver, its about the brain, its about life.

My advice to those with relatively minor illnesses, please completely abstain from alcohol during recovery, please don't go back when your on the road to recovery or recovered as it will bother you.

Maybe our physical health will recover but if your illness was in any way related to alcohol, this stuff can ruin your brain even when there is nothing wrong or to worry about. That is what ruins the quality of life no matter how long we may have, we should live it well in either case.

2 Replies

  • Well said , and congratulations to you . May you live a long and healthy life and feel all the emotions now that humans can the positives as well as the negatives. Keep gratitude in your attitude , and a smile in your heart.

  • Beautiful post. Resonated. Thank you.

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