My Friend

My friend has been a chronic alcoholic for some years now with frequent hospital admissions, at first the admissions were usually down to injuries sustained whilst intoxicated, however, sadly now she is admitted weekly as a result of the complications caused by her continued alcohol abuse.

She vomits so much blood, her stomach is huge, her hands, legs, ankles and feet are severely swollen. During her last admission the hospital gave her a detox and she was told by the liver specialist that she has cirrhosis of the liver and Hepatitis and warned that if she continued to drink she will die.

Having lost her children as a result of this dreadful disease, I feel she has given up. As heartbreaking as this last week has been I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything in my power to convince her that the solution lies within her, if only she could see that. I've attended two appointments at the local alcohol addiction centre with her, I'm in communication with her GP and social services, have offered to take her to AA meetings but she has been so intoxicated every day since being discharged from hospital I just don't know what else I can do.

She refused the breathalyser at the appointment with the alcohol addiction nurse, insisting that she hadn't been drinking, although it was clear that she had. Social services deemed her unsafe to be living alone yet she has nowhere else to go so after a call to the GP it was decided she was safer in hospital...I let the paramedics into her flat but after two hours they left without her as she refused to go to hospital.

Her children were always her world but them avoiding her calls and their unwillingness to visit just fuels her drinking and so the vicious cycle continues. I am her only contact and it is proving to be the most heartbreaking experience, I just don't know what else I can do, it is soul destroying watching this once attractive, intelligent lady slowly killing herself.

I'm the only contact for the hospital, the GP, social services and the alcohol addiction centre, and it feels such a huge responsibility. I am also the only person checking on her everyday and I'm afraid of the day I turn up and my worst fear is waiting for me.

I can totally understand the children who are 21, 18 and 13, have lost hope having heard the false promises so many times. I can see both sides, each so sad.

Now I am at a loss, my heart can't walk away from her yet it is breaking watching her self destruct.

30 Replies

  • Sad to say your friend is very, very poorly and is clearly showing symptoms of late stage decompensated cirrhosis. Without a medically supported immediate cessation in alcohol use she is sadly as you well know on the path to a rather unpleasant end. You seem to be doing all you can to and support her but without her acknowledging her problem and doing something about it herself she is not going to pull back from this.

    Look after yourself too because there will likely be traumatic times ahead.

    Katie x

  • Thank you so much Katie, you have confirmed my worst fears, I am trying so hard to prepare myself for the inevitable as I can't see her making the much needed changes to turn this around.

    I really appreciate your reply, I just needed to put into words my feelings today.

    Thank you

  • Hi Amara 999 im so sorry about your friend, while i was reading your post it was like i was writing it, ive been in exactly the same position as you and ended up in tears as it is everything ive been through with my friend. I just wanted to say please dont give up hope, my friend was told if she didn't stop drinking she would be dead within 2 years and she took no notice and kept ending up in hospital vomiting blood swollen legs all the same symptoms as your friend, shes only has me to look after her like you i felt completely helpless. One day she just didnt go and get her drink that was 6 months ago , she has just finished a course of tablets that has cleared her hep c . This time last year i thought i was going to lose her and now she has turned her life around completely, she done it without any help from anyone except me, so i hope this gives you a chink of light at the end of the tunnel because people can come back from this horrible disease but she will have to get there herself, i learnt you cant convince them to do anything but one day she will . Just be there for her when she does loads of love and never give up hope xx

  • Hi @tillycat, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I hope with all of my heart that my friend wakes up one day and does as your friend did....makes the decision to stop.

    As you rightly say, it has to come from within themselves, I've exhausted all avenues in an attempt to make my friend see sense so I can only hope and pray that she will do the same as your friend before it's too late.

    I'm glad I found this site and decided to write because I felt so desperate and lonely following yet another drunken conversation.

    Thank you so much for your reply, I will continue to post to share this dreadful journey with those who have been there.

    Lots of love to you and I hope your friend continues to do well in recovery xx

  • Im glad you have come on this site you can get a lot of support here, i found when i was going through what you are nobody ie doctors, hospitals etc was any help at all it makes you feel so frustrated and alone and all you want is sommebody to help to take the pressure of for a while, hopefully your friendwill stop drinking soon and it will all be like a bad dream. Im so proud of my friend and i sincerely hope one day you will be saying the same about yours .love and hugs x

  • You're so hit the nail on the head as they say. Since being discharged from hospital, every organisation I reached out to for help have laid the responsibility at my feet. The GP calls me to see if I can get her there, when I explain how bad she is I'm told to call an ambulance, the lady from social services calls me to check on her progress, the alcohol addiction centre call me to ask how things are going. I'm in tears on the phone...and all I seem to get is what I should do next. Easier said than done when you are dealing with someone who isn't thinking rationally. I keep telling them how bad she is but I do feel helpless and so alone. I call in on her regularly, I phone her regularly and when I haven't spoke to her for a couple of hours I'm mortified.

    I know these professionals have so many people to deal with but I also feel that at least her GP could visit to see what I'm seeing.

    She is bad today so I think tomorrow it may be worth speaking to the GP again.

    Thank you again for your kind words and understanding xxx

  • Have you got a local carers group, i know when i got desperate for help and just someone that i could talk to that understood what i was going through i found they were quite helpful and i was surprised at the amount of people in the same boat if you look up carers uk you will probably have one quite close, its worth a try, theres also Al Annon they have a family ands friends group, in the meantime keep posting here we all understand what you are going through and care about eash other xx

  • Thank you xx hadn't thought about Carers uk, there's an al-annon meeting nearby on Thursday night which maybe worth a try. And this site is wonderful, I've learned so much from the posts I've read which have really helped.

    Here's to another day xx

  • Morning Amara i hope you are ok and your friend is not so bad today as yesterday i will be out the rest of the day but please let me know how things are later if you feel up to it this eve, if you call the doctor i hope he helps should do, but like you say they tend to leave it up to people like you and me to do it all , he or she might surprise us anyway let me know love and hugs xx

  • Thank you tillycat for your message, you've been so supportive I'm really grateful. Following a very distressing phone call this morning with my friend, she has been vomiting blood all through the night, she has wine in the flat, tells me she doesn't want to live, I rang the lady from social services who had called me yesterday for an update but whose call I missed. I updated her and it was her opinion that Amara needed to be seen urgently by her GP due to her continuing to vomit blood (sorry I used my friends name when signing up to this site not knowing that it covers all medical conditions, I thought it was just solely for this condition so maybe need to amend my username!) So, it was suggested to me that I call her GP, explain the situation and request a home visit urgently for today. I called the surgery, explained that social services requested that the GP visit today and was met initially with total reluctance, instead they offered to give me the number for the mental health crisis team and suggested I call them. At this point I insisted she needed to be seen by her GP and eventually they agreed to a home visit today. One hour later the GP rings me and tells me that there is no point in a home visit as there is nothing they can do for her at home but if she continues to vomit blood I should have her admitted to A&E. Frankly I'm feeling distraught and disgusted that the GP, who has never seen her, has passed the buck back to me by telling me to take her to A&E if I'm concerned???? She's swollen everywhere , she's covered in bruises, she's vomiting blood, she's sobbing on the phone telling me she doesn't want to live and she can't cease drinking without medical supervision as she has convulsions. Yet 2 hours on the phone to all these people and all I've achieved is a massive headache. Totally disheartened.

    I can't just drive her to hospital , following major spinal surgery where I had to undergo total neck reconstruction following a car accident, I suffered severe spinal cord trauma which unfortunately has left me with a chronic neurological disorder as well as continued spinal problems so my treatment is ongoing for life under consultant care.

    Sorry for the rant but just feeling so utterly frustrated which I made perfectly clear to the unsympathetic GP.

    Jacqui xx

  • Unfortunately this is one of those round and round in circles situations.

    The vomitting blood is a life threatening condition, this is most likely bleeding from varices within her gastrointenstinal tract. This requires a 999 response, however, I know you have done that before and she refused treatment and didn't go with ambulance crew. The GP couldn't do anything to help other than try and get your friend to go to hospital. Sadly he/she will be powerless to act much if your friend is refusing treatment.

    Mental health services generally won't touch someone who is still drunk at the time of their intervention (been there and done that with a service user in one of my former roles). I may be wrong but I don't think they can force care (via mental health section) when the person is medically ill and drunk too.

    As we discussed yesterday your friend is on the path to self-distruct even with all the help and support you are giving. She needs to be admitted to hospital and this current medical crisis dealt with before a possible medical intervention to help her detox. All you can try is another call to ambulance.

    Katie x

  • Everything you have said is right Katie, just last week mental health refused to get involved because Amara is still drinking. They said they can't help as long as she is under the influence of alcohol, I tried to explain this to the GP today.

    It was the GP who told me to call 999 last week and, as you know, my friend refused to go to hospital. I was just hoping that if the GP attended and called the paramedics that she may respond differently. Last week the paramedics kept questioning me, in front of my friend, as to why the GP didn't make the call to them which they would normally do if they felt a patient of theirs needed admitting to hospital. Eventually they spoke to the GP who did confirm they had requested I make the call, however, my friend in the meantime is oblivious to this.

    As you rightly say, it is a vicious circle. She is in need of medical attention for the bleeding and then she needs detoxing under medical supervision.

    Considering she has been vomiting blood all through the night do I just try 999 again in the hope that she will go? I'm at a loss at the moment but very much appreciate your message.

    Jacqui xx

  • Just got in and read your posts, i would ring an ambalance dont mention doctors as it doesnt seem to help, i know when the same thing happened to my friend vomiting blood and passing it from her bottom too they didnt hesitate in taking her. What area are you because if you are anywhere near me i would be able to drive her to a and e if she wont go inthe ambulance, i really feel for you because ive been there. How old is your friend and how long has she been drinking, shes got so much to live for its sad that her children dont want to know but it must be so hard for them to see there mum like it,i suppose its there way of dealing with it its hard enough for us isnt it i cant imagine being a 13 yr old and seeing it, you are a angel to care like you do specaily with your back probs it must ware you out physically as well as mentally, please dont ever feel you are alone now there is always someone to talk to here, but definitely call a ambalance when my friend got took in for bleeding they managed to stop it quickly and gave her vaĺlium and that stoped the shakes and stopped her having fits so they should make her comfortable while shes in there so she hasnt got to worry about not getting drink in there, have you explained what effect her drinking is having on you because it helped my friend when she realised how it was upsetting me , she didnt want to go to hospital but she did in the end because i was going to pieces with worry, hope she gets sorted and she goes for both of your sakes, you will be able to sleep knowing shes being looked after and shes safe. Love Tilly xx

  • Dear Tilly, thank you for your lovely message, so thoughtful. I spoke to Amara this afternoon following all the other calls and suggested that she really needed to be seen in hospital passing blood from both ends the same as your friend. She said if I called them out they could check her over but that she wasn't going into hospital. I thought I'd be honest with her and tell her how poorly I feel today, basically the neuro disorder I now have as a result of spinal cord trauma has left me with a dysfuntional central nervous system, stress is a major physically wipes me out, then there's the physical pain from the nerve damage. I did this in the hope that she would agree to go to hospital. I told her I can't fix her at home and how much it would mean to me knowing she was getting the help she desperately needs and, yes, I would sleep at night knowing she was safe. She still refused and has left me so many messages saying it would be nice to see me if I could pop round. I have only just woke up, I had to take my medication and lie down , I was so stressed. I will call her back but again I'm going to stress that I'm trying to help her and I need her to want to help herself for both our sakes. We live in Reading, Berkshire, she's only 45 and this has been going on for 6 years. I did get her sober once for 3 months but had her living with me. The problem is it isn't fair on my children witnessing the horrible effects of this illness so I don't want to do that again.

    Her ex-husband has the 3 children but he's not helped, he's never encouraged the older ones to visit. He took them to Al-Anonn and very much focuses on the detach motto, but whereas Al-Anonn say detach with love his way has been more "with contempt". A corporate business man it's all an embarressment to him.

    I just feel really drained today, as you know it's an enormous pressure. I need her to want the help I'm trying so hard to get her.

    Love and hugs to you, Jacqui xx

  • You sound exausted love, you are trying so hard to sort her out when you have health problems yourself, i know its hard but sometimes you have to put yourself first and if she keeps phoning you will have to tell her just for one night or dsy you wont be answering the phone because you need a rest its not forever because i know as a friend you wouldn't do that, but i can imagine at times thats what you feel like i know i did but its because you care so much you have got to have a few hours off i used to get a newspaper and turn my phone off and go and sit in the car with a cup of tea down by our river medway just for a few hours and it used to do me the world of good, i think really the ball is in your friends court you can only do so much it took my friend years to get where she is now so never give up hope but you must look after yourself in the meantime, her husband sounds a right so and so you would think if they had three children together he might be a bit more caring some people just dont get it do they, nobody gets up one day and says im going to harm myself and everyone around me by getting addicted to drink today do they its a illness but people like him like you say if hes a business man hes going to worry about what people think, its so unfair because he and everyone else has left it all up to you and you sound so nice. You take care love and try to get a few hours doing something nice for yourself tomorrow it will give you strength to carry on . Love Tilly xx

  • Oh Tilly I was in tears reading your message last night yet I didn't have the energy to string a sentence together to reply to you. I felt physically and mentally drained.

    I can tell by what you wrote that you totally identify with this nightmare, it was as if you had read my mind. My youngest is back to school today so last night his uniform needed ironing and his school bag packed etc but everything was such an effort, I felt so poorly and it didn't help that my friend was just sending text after text, call and leaving messages, all asking if I could go round. She was so drunk in the end I just had to send her a text to say that I was getting my son ready for school today and that I was really tired and needed to rest. I gently told her that I can't just keep running to her every day to sit with her while she continues to drink, that I have to listen to my own body when it's had enough, not just for my sake but for my family. What I did say was that if she was ringing/texting me agreeing to accept the much needed medical help then I would do anything for her. At the moment Tilly she is, as you know, refusing to go to hospital, instead she just wants to dictate my time every day and continues to drink.

    Well uniform ironed, son in bed and my husband asks me what's wrong because I'm quiet. That was it, I was sobbing. I told him I felt guilty not going but unless she is willing to accept help its pointless me visiting to just sit there while she's drunk, listening to the same as the day before and the day before that, begging her to go to hospital whilst she just refuses. He said he knows how much I care but that amara needs to want the help and at the moment she just wants your time every day and not the practical help.

    Reading your message I was in tears but it helped so much, it took the guilt away that I was feeling because I hadn't gone round and I hadn't answered her calls. If I'm honest, I was feeling a little angry with her as I'd spent so long on the phone yesterday with her GP and the social services lady and after all my efforts she refused to go to hospital and I ended up feeling really poorly. I put my phone on silent after I'd read your message, just as well because she sent so many texts and called so many times between 2am and 6am this morning just to tell me how drunk she was, I would've ended up with no sleep yet again.

    So here's to a new day, thank you for your kind words of support. Let's just hope that amara agrees to accept the medical help she needs, I don't know what it's going to take but I can only hope.

    Love, Jacqui

  • Jacqui you mustn't feel guilty love, you have done all a caring friend can do like i said and you know the ball is in her court, she knoes you are there for her if she will start helping herself thats all she can expect from you, that was a good way of putting it to her in your call with her last night, she has got to realise that it isnt fair on you to carry on the way she does if she wont except other help, i know all you want is the person back that she used to be but it could happen soon or it might take longer but you are only human and you can only take so much without it making you ill, i would do what you did last night and try to stick to it i know if i dont get enough sleep im hopeless the next day so tell her you wont be answering the phone after a certain time until the morning, it will be hard because she will probably say all kinds of things to get her own way but it might just get through that you mean business its worth a try and you can at least get a good nights sleep, also love dont apologise for getting cross it takes someone with a huge amount of patience and understanding to care for someone with alcohol problem i used to get cross because its so frustrating that nobody will listen and help and you just dont know which way to turn, i think its that feeling of helplessness that really gets you i used to think all i want is a magic wand and everything will be ok and to get up in the morning and have a normal day talking about normal things instead of the alcohol conversation you have, since my friend has turned her life around its back to normal now and its wonderful, i really hope with all my heart amera manages to do the same not just for her sake but for you too. Love and hugs tilly xx

  • The addictive mind is no mystery to those who counsel alcoholics . The damage to the frontal lobes has disabled the decision making centre. The addictive mind and at the cellular level keeps demanding alcohol so to speak. Alcohol is a depressant and is both physically and psychologically addictive. The physical pain experienced after one has gone into withdrawal is so arduous that the only relief is to feed the addiction more. Much more addictive than opiates at that ! This urge to drink is so strong that individual addicts have lost all self control that the addictive mind (voice within ) keeps demanding to be satisfied until addicts to his horrible drug usually drink themselves until they eventually cease to live. This coupled with the psychological dependence makes kicking the habit that much more difficult. Alcohol counselors refer to this as the two headed dragon. The standard of treatment of alcoholism has progressed in the last fifty years when it was considered a social disease and highly stigmatized the user as being morally deficient. Now the emphasis is on treating a physical disease concomitant with a psychological abnormality, My armchair assessment after reading this thread of replies is that your dear friend is afraid to die as we all are, regrets her life and what a horrible mess she has made of it. I am reluctant to add the this but chances are she is suicidal. I have ruled out this as a call for help as she has up until now refused any assistance from anyone. Please forgive me as I may have over stated this possibility so until she is assessed using this two pronged approach (physical and psychological) it is difficult to determine at this time. I would strongly suggest that she needs to a) go to detox, b) receive cognitive behaviour counseling , c) be prescribed anti-craving meds, d) go to a rehab centre, and lastly and possibly (and this one is difficult because it is sometimes rejected outright because it may be offensive) e) receive spiritual counseling. No one can help your dear friend until she is ready to help herself. She needs to face reality head on and be convinced that it is game over until she makes a personal choice to save herself from herself. All addictions come down to the choice to use the most destructive drug ever devised by humankind. Best wishes on your noble effort you a true friend indeed.

  • DrPeter, Please accept my apologies for not responding sooner to your excellent reply to my post, it was so well thought out, concise and showed tremendous understanding of the dreadful disease, alcoholism.

    I totally agree with everything you wrote and, yes, my friend needs all of the help that you listed, however, sadly she has up to this point refused it and as you rightly state she has to want to save herself which, unfortunately, she currently has no desire to do. Her addiction is now so strong that the physical and mental obsession overrides absolutely everything, as with many chronic alcoholics. It is stronger than her love for her children, it is certainly stronger than me and sadly it is stronger than her.

    I was taught that alcoholism is a two-fold illness, affecting both the body and mind. Your description of this is perfect. At this current time, not only is my friend very poorly with the physical damage caused by her drinking, her mental state is equally affected.

    This week I have pulled out every stop when she once again refused treatment culminating in the GP, social services and IRIS (the charity providing services for people with addiction) communicating with each other and, thankfully, yesterday I received a call inviting me to a meeting which will be attended by the liver specialist, the GP, social services, the IRIS key worker and myself. The decision to admit amara for treatment is being taken away from her as it is felt by all concerned that it is in her best interests, for her own safety, and God willing it will benefit her in the end. I can only hope.

    I have been sober for 10 years now, my drinking career fortunately was short. After losing a baby at 23 weeks and the stress of running my own business which was very much in the public eye, I drank to block out the pain. However, I quickly realised that my other children needed their mummy and I wanted to live. I found serenity and peace within AA and I haven't drank since my first meeting. My life is far richer without alcohol, I found a spiritual side of me that I never knew I had and am so grateful for every sober day.

    I continue to give back to AA what was freely given to me. I just hope that one day my friend can find the same peace and learn to love herself again.

    My thanks for all the messages of support I have received.

    Jacqui x

  • You are very welcome, let me know how things go. It is the best course at this time. She is getting the help she needs and with all this help only good can come of it. Chin up be brave.

    Bye for Now : Peter.

  • Excellent advice from my fellow posters as always and you have my sympathies. What's likely to happen next is liver failure...sounds close to that now. She'll end up in hospital and will be treated and it'll be touch and go whether she survives. If she does she'll be discharged with dire warnings ringing in her ears. If she chooses to heed them she has a fighting chance, if not no chance. This happened to a friend of mine recently who survived the initial liver failure and was nursed back but on discharge despite abstinence succumbed to a virus.....very sad he was 62. I don't think you can do much more other than carry on carrying on. Best wishes k

  • My thanks to you for your message and my sincere condolences for the loss of your friend...never easy to deal with and especially so young. If it's any comfort at all, at least your friend succeeded in his efforts to quit drinking.

    My friend has been admitted to hospital on so many occasions and warned by the specialist that if she continues to drink she will die, yet immediately she is discharged this has become her excuse to drink again. Instead of focusing on the if you stop you live she has, instead, fixated on the "you have a year to live" but totally disregards the words that follow that statement "if you continue to drink. She has totally blocked that bit out of her mind.

    I've done my best, she has to want to live for herself, and no one appears to be able to get this through to her. As the old saying goes "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make it drink from it'.

    Thank you so much, Jacqui

  • you're very welcome-all the best


  • Hi Jacqui I hope you are ok and amara is alright, you sounded so tired the other day, did your children get back to school ok, I know when my girl was little she was well ready to go back by the fifth week she was so bored. has Amara been any better since the day she was coughing up blood, I do hope she is going to be ok, addiction is such a hard thing to beat ive had problems myself so as well as being a carer of someone with problems ive can emphasise, I drank a long time ago but didn't get a problem with it, it was more luck than judgement though, my addiction was painkillers, and I have hep c, which is how I found this site its been such a help to me in the past , people are so knowledgable there is nothing somebody cant help you with , anyway Jacqui I hope things have improved for you and Amera love Tilly xx

  • Jaqui ive just read your last post I was writing one to you at the same time, bless your heart you've been through so much yourself, I expect that's what makes us the careing people we are, the news that you have managed to get the help Amara desperately needs is wonderfull at least she stands a chance now, but isn't it annoying that you had to almost have a breakdown and Amera could have died before they would do anything, never mind , she stands a fighting chance of beating it now and the responcability is theres now so you can sleep knowing she is safe. Bless you love , heres to a better future for all of us . love Tilly xx

  • Dear Tilly thank you so much for both of your messages, I was just about to respond to your first one when I then saw your second one!

    I can honestly say that this week has been the most trying week...I haven't suffered anxiety or palpitations since I stopped drinking, but these have returned with a vengeance this week. Amara has put me through the eye of a needle, and that's putting it mildly!

    I kicked up such a fuss that eventually her GP did a home visit along with paramedics , however, amara refused all help. The only good thing that came from the GP visit was that she personally observed Amara's mental state and finally agreed that she is unfit to make decisions for herself. However, she wasn't forced to go to hospital but yesterday I was contacted and invited to a meeting with all of the professionals involved in her care to discuss having her admitted for treatment and the choice will be taken away from her. I just hope that it is sooner rather than later as she is in such a dreadful state.

    I have had to step back from dealing with her on my own, one to one, as she has become increasingly aggressive and I can't cope with her. Instead I'm getting 30 calls/texts a day but hopefully not for much longer!

    I too became addicted to alcohol but fortunately it was short lived and I managed to stop just by attending AA, that was 10 years ago but I have seen many Amara's which is always a good reminder of where I don't want to go. There are many things I see and I hear at meetings that I never experienced but as they say they are called "yets".....where I to go back down that slippery path those "yets" could become reality, not a chance I'm prepared to risk!

    I'm looking forward to some peace and normality ...the children are fine, hoping for a quiet weekend.

    Hope you're ok and have a lovely weekend. Speak to you soon, lots of love, Jacqui xx

  • Thank you for your reply Jacqui, I'm doing fine thanks love, sorry to here Amara is getting aggressive with you, it could be HE couldn't it because if the toxins have built up in her liver that can cause that sort of thing, I bet you cant wait for her to get help so you get a break from it all and, from all the phone calls she keeps making, bless your heart losing a baby at 23 weeks must have been so hard to bare no wonder you sort help from the bottle anyone going though such heartbreak would have found it very hard not too, but brilliant on you for 10 years sober what a fantastic acheavement, have a lovely weekend Love Tilly xx

  • Thank you Tilly...your messages are always a comfort, you are such a lovely, kind person.

    Yes, it was probably the most horrendous ordeal I've ever faced, being induced and then a very long labour. I got to spend one precious night with him which I hold in my heart forever. What I hadn't considered was that I could still suffer post-natal depression, after all I was strong, I had my own business to run and as my dad was a workaholic he insisted work was therapeutic and the best thing for me. But what no one understood was the total void I was left with, just the most empty feeling which I can't even describe. I've heard the saying "a hole in the soul"...that was me. I drank to block my thoughts, my feelings and didn't see the addiction creeping up on me until it was too late. By then I was drinking wine around the clock. But I woke up one day and was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and just stopped. Not that I would advise others to do that, I didn't realise the dangers of that but fortunately after one week I was already feeling so much better. I'm not saying it was easy , but probably made easier because I really wanted it, and I'm a very strong willed person!! Plus I had tremendous support from my family. All those "one day at a time" have become 10 years :)

    I'm trying to change my profile name to my own! Amara has really hurt so deeply today. Because she has failed to get my undivided attention for the last couple of days she actually rang the police and told them that she was afraid for her life as my husband had threatened to kill her. The police came to my home, smiling believe it or not as they looked around and told me how beautiful it is and not what they're used to. However, regardless of them seeing the amusing side to Amara's drunken allegations , I can't say I feel even remotely amused.

    So much for my quiet weekend 😒

    Anyway, it didn't do her any favours as the police were going back to the station to recommend urgent help is now needed.

    Once again, drained.

    Jacqui xx

  • Jacqui I'm sorry I haven't replied before , I wrote a post then it vanished as ive had to change to a laptop I haven't used before as my trusty tablet wont work. That time in your life sounds so sad bless you , I can completely understand how it would lead to a addiction problem but you was lucky to have the support of your family, so I can see why you help amera, its very hard to turn your back on someone that doesn't get help from there family, my friend is in a same situation that's how I ended up helping her, I'm so glad shes got help at last at least you wont have her calling the police on you I cant believe it, she must have been very drunk or perhaps shes got that H E because her liver is not getting rid of the toxins whatever the reason the sooner she is taken in the better for your sake as well as hers, I hope you had a better weekend after all the problems and you don't feel so tired. Lots of love Tilly xx

  • Sorry for the late reply Tilly to your last message. I've been working really hard on myself to try to let go of the anger and resentment I was feeling towards Amara following her actions over the weekend. It's been a slow process, I was just so upset with her even though I know it's down to the alcohol. It's took time...Saturday I was on the ceiling, this afternoon I'm pleased to say my head is back where it should be, in a good space, and I'm grounded again!!!

    I had a real lazy day today, sat in the garden making the most of the sun 😊 No calls, no texts, just pure peace and was bliss!

    I spoke to social services yesterday who were wonderful, so supportive, I have to say they have been the most helpful. The meeting is scheduled for 29 September to decide on the best course of action for Amara. Although that is quite quick, taking into account it had to be a date that all the professionals involved in her care could be present, including her liver specialist, I very much doubt she'll manage to stay out of hospital until then. Whilst she does normally refuse treatment, on average she's admitted every couple of weeks without argument when she knows she's really got no choice.

    Anyway, I hope you had a good weekend and keeping well? Your friend is lucky to have you, you're a very kind and understanding lady.

    Lots of love, Jacqui x

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