Life is unfare

[MRK-3]

I had my mastectomy in late December 2016, had to spend 3 months in a nursing home because of various problems and they looked after me wonderfully. Then this year I had 2 melanomas on my skin which had to be lazered of.

Then my husband died end of July and now I have 3 hospital appointments to attend to on my own in October do not know how I will cope without him there as my support. Having cancer is always at the back or front of your mind all the time but even worse when you have no one to share you're worries with.

[Hidden]

Hi MRK-3

So sorry to hear of the loss of your husband & your health issues, do you have a friend or friends that could go with you to all or one appointment each?

It must be very overwhelming for you after always having the support of your husband & it’s so difficult now your alone. But do ask a friend, people always say is there anything l can do? ~ well this is the time to take them up on their offer.

I hope you get good results, please let us know.

Best Wishes

Mrs N 🌺

[MRK-3 in reply to Hidden]

No not really at the moment. Everyone I know knows of the situation but no one has said yet they will come with me.

[Hidden in reply to MRK-3]

I’m so sorry to hear that, do you have a good friend who you could simply ask to go with you? Sometimes people overlook the fact that you may need company as you’ve always been very self sufficient before as you had your husband?

Are you meeting up with any of your friends just for coffee? you could mention it then.

I do hope you can find someone.

Mrs N x

[GED57]

Sorry for your loss. I had a mastectomy in August 2016 and another in May 2017. If your appointments are with your breast surgeon could you contact your breast care nurse to see you before your appointment or go with you. If your friends do not offer ask them. I know that is hard as we fear rejection but they may not know you need someone to go with you. I found it really difficult as within 2 years I had 2 mastectomy’s and 2 knee replacements and hid my feelings for a long time. When I did finally let go my friends were there for me. I wish you lived near me because I would come with you. I had my ops in Jimmys in Leeds. I hope someone supports you and the need is good

Contact me any time

❤️💪

[MRK-3 in reply to GED57]

I live in France and don't have breast care nurses

[Donnanh]

We can’t come with you to your appointments but you can definitely share your worries with us here. Sorry for your loss, you were married for a long time?

[MRK-3 in reply to Donnanh]

I think at the moment I am the saddest person in the whole world. Thought it would be me to go first and have to go through it all without Gordon is unbearable.

[carolinenailsea]

I am so sorry to hear how tough life has been recently and how painful life is at the moment. My heart goes out to you. Nothing anyone can say can make you feel better right now, your loss is so hard. Taking it day by day is all you can do at the moment. You will find the strength to do the appointments in October. Somehow we dig deep and get through when life hurls such as lot of pain at us.

I hope you have family and friends to support you. If you just need to chat Macmillan have a great helpline. I am sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts. Caroline.

[Julie2233]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The loss of your husband must make all this so hard.

My husband has never been able to cope with coming to appointments with me, so initially I went by myself which was fine.

Then I had an appointment that wasn't just routine and I confided to a friend that I was dreading going alone. She told others and I unexpectedly had a number of people, including my boss at work and acquaintances, volunteering to go with me. Apparently they had all been concerned about me going to appointments alone but as I hadn't asked, none of them felt able to suggest going with me in case I thought they were trying to interfere! People are strange.

If no-one volunteers, ask. Be prepared for people to say no, cancer does frighten people, but I'm sure you will find someone. Could you ask someone to take you to the appointment or meet you for a coffee afterwards if you don't feel that you can ask them to go in with you?

And if you can't ask anyone you will be ok going by yourself. I've found that the nurse's tend to notice that you are alone and take care of you more than when you have someone there to support you. Take a notebook and make notes of what is said and if you miss something, ring and leave a question with the consultants secretary. And plan to do something nice afterwards to have something to look forward to.

Remember, you can do this even though it feels completely overwhelming at the moment.

[MRK-3]

I will be getting taxis, I have hinted a couple of times but no offers. I am sure I will manage on my own but without the cuddle afterwards it will be hard. xx

[Lainey66]

Jaysus, I wish you lived closer. I would gladly have taken you there and back. I hope you get someone to go with you, it is not something you should be doing alone. I am so sad to hear of your loss and your current predicament. Know that we are with you in our minds and hearts. Sending lots of hugs xxxxx

[pegomh]

I know MRK, I felt the same way when I was doing my radiation. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. You have been very brave this year. Thanks for reaching out for support. I will keep you in my prayers. U h love to you.

[redknitter]

Do you have a local Cancer Society office. Ours offers rides to and from appointments. Maybe they can be of help.

[MRK-3]

I am entitled to taxis.

[Happyrache2]

Oh MRK-3, I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been going through. Perhaps you should talk to a close friend and say you would really like company with those 3 appointments. It is very daunting going on your own to these things. My diagnosis was Feb 2017, mastectomy in September 2017. I found that you really discover who your real friends are (and aren't!). I hope there is someone who can be there for you. xx

[MRK-3 in reply to Happyrache2]

Thanks Happyrache2 I have decided I am going on my own unless someone offers to come with me because in my opinion if it was one of my friends I would be the first to offer to go with them and not for them to have to ask. My biggest fear is not having Gordon with me to give me a cuddle.

[Happyrache2 in reply to MRK-3]

I know what you mean about having to ask. Gordon will be there with you in spirit, I am sure. I lost two friends over cancer because they live around the corner and didn't even visit me or drop a card through my door! They treated me like a leper. People can act very weird where cancer is involved. Wishing you well and thinking of you. xx

[MRK-3 in reply to Happyrache2]

In that case they were not friends.