Scared out of my mind

Hi there.

I'm new to this site. Had to go for an ultrasound last Thursday because a routine mammogram came back with dense tissue and couldn't be read properly. I'm 49 and menopausal. I thought nothing of it until the radiologist said he would have to do a biopsy. In fact it turned our to be 2 fine needle and 3 core in the finish. The doctor came to me and said that they were concerned and to bring someone with me for my results. That was 2 days ago and I haven't eaten a bite or slept since. I'm not getting my results till next Wednesday and I'm going out of my mind. It has to be cancer the way she spoke. The terror that comes over me in waves is horrendous and the tears are constant. My hubby doesn't know what to do and I haven't told my 3 children yet ( 26 24 and 13) I'm slowly losing my mind and can't get out of the bed. Can someone please help me with advice. I'm crying as I'm writing this .....Thanks guys x

37 Replies

  • Hey there Knockane. Your appointment sounds just like mine did in 2015, 18 days before my 49th birthday. I blogged my whole way through it. Feel free to pop on and have a read, hopefully despite my diagnosis you will find some comfort in it. Here is the link

    As crazy as it sounds, try to relax both your body and mind, in order that you are mentally and physically able for whatever news you may receive next week.

    Sending lot us of positive vibes and love. Lainey66 xx

  • Thanks Lainey. I hope you are doing well and staying strong. I go from being v calm to absolute terror. I must try to calm down because I'll really make myself sick.

    Mind yourself hun xxx

  • Hi If it is cancer you have found it early before you had any symptoms and the vast majority of breast cancers can be successfully treated , there are many different fantastic treatment nowadays, I'm not saying it is a walk in the park but it is all doable and there are thousands of women who have been where you are and are now and are through the other side , so although you have every right to feel like you do , it will pass and you will find a sense of calm - and if it's not cancer you can celebrate !

    Jo xx

  • Hi Jo

    Thanks for that. It's the fear off the unknown. I'm finding it hard to switch off. Once Wednesday comes and I know for sure I'm sure my adult brain will kick in and I'll be able to start to focus on what' down the road. I hope you're doing ok and well. XX

  • Just try to stay strong,I went for a routine mamagram and was told they seen something not quite right.I turned out I have grade one stage 2 breast cancer and believe me I as well as others felt the same way you do.Treatment is very good these .so chin up you will get through it.Sending you all my love.xx

  • Hi there

    Thanks for taking time to reply to me. It's such a scary time isn't it. I hope you're doing well hun and staying strong. I know I'm going to have to but I'm finding it so hard. I hop to find the strength and positivity from all you wonderful women here.


  • Hi it is horrible the wait, that was worse for me, some ladies get told as soon as they do ultrasound they can tell from shape etc, mine was diagnosed from biopsy I felt a lump, but the lump I felt was nothing sinister, when they did ultrasound they saw another which couldn't been seen on a mammogram or felt, so when I went back yes it was cancer, but was small and early and treatable ( which most are now) so I had operation and just tablets daily to suppress my estrogen.

    I hope all is ok with your result next week, but try to not worry, whatever happens you will deal with it, we all did as you have to for the sake for your family and yourself

    Deb xx

  • Thank you Deb

    Yea the waiting is driving me out of my mind because every time I think of it I'm seeing a worse diagnosis! I'm trying to act normal in front of the kids as we haven't said anything yet and that is taking it's toll too.

    I hope you are staying well and strong pet and I've such admiration for all you women.


  • Hi I was in exactly the same position as you in 2015 , you will get through anything once you know what your dealing with I didn’t tell my girls till I had results they handled it better than me, by November 2015 I had up chemo & radiotherapy and was back at work, so chin up you can face anything life throws at you good luck 💖😘

  • Poops sorry that should be op lol x x

  • Hi. I can honestly say the waiting for results was the worst part of the cancer journey for me. I had my totally unexpected (I had no symptoms) recall and biopsy on December 16th last year when I was told it was most likely cancer but then had to wait until January 3rd for my results because we were going away and they wouldn't tell me over the phone. Those were easily the hardest weeks of my life, with my imagination working overtime especially in the middle of the night, worrying that my children (13 and 10) would be left without a mother. When I received my results a strange sense of calm came over me, I knew what I was fighting and had a plan. Be kind to yourself between now and Wednesday, try to get out and about as much as possible and don't be on your own too much. If you are struggling to sleep maybe take a Nytol or similar as tiredness only compounds the anxiety. You are stronger than you know and will get through this. Big hugs. Xx

  • Your story really rings home with me. It's the unknown and fearing the worst all the time. Wednesday can't come fast enough until I know for sure what's happening inside of me. I'm glad you are well and out the other side. Fingers crossed it will go the same way for me. Thanks for the hugs. Xx

  • Dear knockane

    I am just finished surgery, chemo and radiotherapy and yet the worst bit was the waiting for results, so you are doing the toughest bit and getting on with it despite your fears. The thought of telling family was also incredibly hard but actually they all coped really well, I have 3 sons. I do hope your results come back ok but if they don’t you will cope, we all do and outcomes for breast cancer are so good now. Sending you love and prayers

    Lin x

  • Thanks Lin. I hope you are doing ok after your treatment. It's so reassuring to hear all the positive outcomes from all you brave women. I'm half way through my wait for the results and the anxiety isn't any less unfortunately but I'm trying to be strong for my family. Will keep ye posted on my outcome. Thanks for the prayers. All are gratefully accepted xxx

  • I was like you in September 15, I thought it was only a cyst,didn’t really worry until I was told I’d needed a scan and biopsy. I was told the results by the consultant that operated on me, he was amazing, and I say it though all the way with him.ive had a mastectomy and reconstruction and lift, waiting WAS the worse bit, but once I knew what I was dealing with I felt much calmer. The breast care team were amazing, very supportive, and easy to talk to, you can ask them anything( they’ve heard it all before). I got a bit confused when I got my results, so had to ring up and had things explained, as at the time all the information went in one ear and out the other.

    I hope you get good news, but if not, they will all take good care of you, try and make the most of the good weather, get out and about,(fresh air might help you sleep better)

    Good luck,and hugs.xx

  • Hi Parker. Thanks so much for that. If I could go to sleep and wake up on Wednesday it would make things so much easier for me but I guess life wasn't meant to be easy. As everyone on here has said the waiting is the hardest. Hope all well with you and you are staying in good

  • Have faith............I am 6 years out from BC, totally clear, living a great life, and had the worst prognosis ever (technically I should have been long gone). Treatments are massively improved and survivorship is climbing with every day that passes. Just keep telling yourself that you will be fine, whatever. See this as a mental challenge that has been put before you to increase your mental strength and faith. It is only this that you need right now. Best of luck and don't be scared! xxxxx

  • Thank you so much. You have a great outlook on life and thank God you are so well. I'm hoping like so many wonderful women in here that I too can come out the other side if my news is bad on Wednesday xxx

  • Dear Knockane

    Its really tough, your head goes round and round and its hard to focus on anything other than Wed. Everthing you are feeling and going through is normal given where you are - doesn't make it any easier though. I am sending positive thoughts and hugs for Wed. I really hope Wed news is good news. Best wishes Caroline

  • Aw thanks so much Caroline. I need all the hugs and wishes I can get. I'm in turmoil and just can't stop all the negative thoughts no matter how i try. 3 days down and 3 to go!! Mind yourself xx

  • As everyone is saying, the waiting is the worst part, I'm sending good luck love and hugs your way for Wednesday, when you're ready to share your news, good or bad, put a post up and someone on this forum would have been down the same path and be able to offer support and advice xxx

  • Thanks Jenny.

    Only 2 more sleeps even though I'm still not sleeping or eating. I think at this stage it will be an ease to find out because this limbo is making me sick. Tune in Wednesday for the news be it good or bad. Xxx

  • It sounds like a very similar story to mine and many ladies in this group - its the shock of having a regular check up as i regularly checked for lumps and being called back being told 9out of 10 times its nothing but with you it could be something and then the waiting for the biopsy results but the oncologist saying prepare for the worst but hoping its nothing

    I can only agree with other ladies that if it is something then it is in a very early stage and completely treatable

    I received my diagnosis in august 2017 totally unprepared i underwent a lumpectomy 15.09.2017 and the removal of the sentinal node

    Luckily it hadnt spread and 16 radiotherpay treatments followed

    A test was performed as mine was an oestrogen sensitive tumour not genetic and i did not need chemotherapy but am taking tamoxifen and will have to take meds for some years

    Recovery went well and by the middle of february this year i was already back working full time after a gentle reintigration period

    In august 2017 i had my first annual check up and was given the all clear

    I sincerely hope you are one of those 9 out of 10 people but if not as difficult as it is, remain positive there is nothing you can do but get the best treatment possible and come out smiling the other end and feel blessed with your family and those who support you

    Good luck and fingers crossed

  • Thanks Lizzy

    I'm so glad you are out the other side. It must be such a relief. Like I said further up it will be an ease to me now to find out because I'm only making myself sick. I've lost 4lbs in 4 days I'm so worried. I think as other wonderful ladies have said a sense of calm will come over me because I'll know what I'm dealing with.

    Hope you remain well hun and thanks for the wishes xxx

  • Only one more sleep now. Waiting definitely the worst bit. Thi king of you, Just caught up with this Knockane

  • Thanks Bagrat. It will be another sleepless one but one nearer to knowing the truth. XX

  • Hi Love

    I know exactly how you feel. I found a lump a week before Christmas last year and after numerous biopsy's, scans and MRI it turned out that I had four lumps all together and the only way forward was left mastectomy. The waiting was terrible and I was in bits, never thought I would have reacted like I did, cried and didn't go to work. I did tell my children 25 & 28 though and they were brilliant. I had the mastectomy 3rd feb this year where they found the cancer had spread to the lymph they also removed. Back in 3 March where they remove a further 9 lymph glands which were clear. As soon as I had the mastectomy I felt so much better, knowing the cancer had been cut away. I have had 6 chemo sessions and 15 radio therapy sessions so all treatment now finished :) I have to take Tamoxifen for at least 5 years. You will get stronger I promise you.

    Lots of love


  • Hi Gitte

    Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me as I try to stay calm for tomorrow. I hope you are staying well hun and remain that way. Such empowering women in this forum. XXX

  • Knockane - I wish you lots and lots of luck for tomorrow. Caroline xxx

  • Caroline thank you so so much for thinking of me tonight. It's going to be the longest day of my life until appointment at 4 tomorrow but I've a bottle of vino chilling in the fridge so that should help xxxx

  • Wishing you all the luck in the world for today. Xx

  • Thank you so much. As you can see another sleepless night for me but at least the day is finally here and I'll know for sure. XXX

  • Well lovely ladies. Wednesday came and went and I got the news I was dreading. I had more biopsies and another msmmogram and will get the results of those next week. So far it seems to be contained in the lump but the new biopsies are to check some surrounding tissue which looked dodgy. My lymph nodes came back clear but they did another biopsy there just to be on the safe side. I've an mri next week and then get all my results. As you wonderful ladies said the waiting was the worst. Once I was told a sense of relief came over me. Don't get me wrong I've had periods of crying and anxiety since Wednesday but at least I know why. I told my 2 eldest children but not my 13yr old until I know what road of treatment I'm going down. It's v surreal at the moment and I'm questioning my calmness but I'm not giving up without a fight!

  • Sorry it wasn't better news but at the moment it certainly doesn't sound like the worst, you can do this! I had grade 3 with sentinel lymph node involvement, no others were positive. I had chemo first to shrink tumour which it did! then a mastectomy just before Christmas 2015, got my pathology report on the new years eve that part of it had been invasive as in it had started to go outside of the duct where it started and into surrounding tissue but the surgery got it all 🙌. like you say once you know what you are facing its a relief. Just go with the flow, you will feel that your body is not your own but it will be again, and yes it will be different and you might not like it, I do though, I look at my scar in the mirror and feel in awe of how amazing my body is to get through all it has and how wonderful the surgeon and doctors, nurses etc...are for getting me back to some kind of normal. Over 2 years since diagnosis and I'm here, happy, feeling well and best of all I don't take life for granted any more.

    I wish you well on your journey, we are all here, any time, just reach out x

  • Well done you for getting through such a difficult time and am so happy that you are well and enjoying life. I too am set on getting rid of my boobs no matter what comes back next week for the second set of biopsies. I don't need them and I certainly don't need the stress of worrying that it is back or has spread to the good boob. Bring on whatever they throw at me coz my whole mindset has changed on getting the diagnosis and am proud of myself.....xx

  • Thank you.

    That's the spirit! Going into it with that mind set helps a great deal even if at first like me it was a case of fake it til you make it! It's a tough journey but one of self discovery.

    Crack on!!

  • Definitely girl. I'm walking round in a bubble and being normal until suddenly the enormity of what's to come hits me. V surreal. But the waiting game is over and that is the main thing. Onwards and upwards now..

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