A month until my first annual checkup and feeling scared

[lizzyHZ]

Hello ladies

In a months time i will return for my first annual mammogram and ultrasound then a week later i will receive the results with my oncologist

I have healed well from both the surgery although i get a few twinges occassionally and the radiotherapy and have had no real side effects from tamoxifen

But i am scared..what if it hasnt worked ..is this normal

I keep myself busy work full time, moved in with my partner, since 2 months we have a puppy and of to vienna soon on a business trip .in addition painting the house and planning lots of things ..like a well deserved holiday

But i wonder if i am being positive or trying to fit as much in if i get bad news and have to go through it all again

Its easy for people to tell me it will be allright but thats what happened a year ago when i got my call back and they said well we cant feel a lump and 9 out of 10 time its nothing ..and i ended up being the 1 out of 10 where it was something..

Thanks for reading this and having this forum to vent ourfeelings

Keep well ladies and all the best where ever you are on your journey xx

[Jennymary]

I know exactly how you're feeling, I was diagnosed in 2013 after first ever mammogram, when I had the call back letter, I just thought they hadn't got a clear image, how wrong I was, then the following year when I had the letter for next mammogram I was really scared but off I went (as we all do) I let friends and family know when it was, they all said it'll be fine but I was on tenterhooks waiting for the letter, when it arrived i felt the envelope carefully trying to decide if there was just a sheet of paper or something more.....I sat down took a big deep breath, opened it, it's clear, nothing else in the letter mattered, all my other mammograms have been clear, enjoy your holiday, worry about mammogram and results afterwards, I look forward to reading a post from you in a few weeks time saying you had a lovely holiday and your mammogram is clear xxx

[lizzyHZ in reply to Jennymary]

thank you x

[SpookiNT in reply to Jennymary]

It woukd be so much easier to cope with if our oncologist could telephone us as soon as he has the results... Personal contact woukd be so much better than waiting for the postman

[Hidden]

Go and enjoy a well deserved holiday, and rest, you can't change the outcome, but I do understand how you feel,we have a house in Cyprus,and my annual check up is in October, I fill all my time up doing things, keeping busy,but the nearer the date comes,all sorts go through my mind, (but I don't tell anybody else) I wait for the letter with real hope,if it's ok(and it was last time) I book a flight. If it not good news, I trust my consultant,so what he's says, I will do. The thought of going to Cyprus was my aim all though. I was lucky,I had a mastectomy,7 lymph nodes removed,but no chemo or radio, then I had my reconstruction in April 16. I often think I wish I'd had the other side removed,then I would have piece of mind. But waiting for the letter is awful, and all do is a quick look to find the word "all clear" then you sit and read it properly.GOOD LUCK.xxxx

[lizzyHZ in reply to Hidden]

we have had to cancel our visit to northern Cyprus to my in laws (karsaka near Girne) because of the puppy so will enjoy our stay in the south of the Netherlands (where we live) regardless - thanks for your kind words good luck to you too xx

[Hidden in reply to lizzyHZ]

Our house is on border with karsayaka and Lapta,keep in touch ,if your up to it we could meet up on your next visit, stay well and good luck.xx

[lizzyHZ in reply to Hidden]

how funny I was expecting you to say the southern side - lucky you my in laws are not far from Karsayaka square a bit towards the beach - we will be back next year - I am sure you know restaurants like the Ambience, Silver Rocks and Calamari to enjoy to name a few ...I am sure the lifestyle there will do wonders for your health I would love to meet up when we come back next year - you might even meet my in laws before that if you socialise with some of the expat crowd - send me a personal message please and I will give you my private email address

[Hidden in reply to lizzyHZ]

How do I send a private message,bit of a dinosaur when it comes to technology. We were only in the square last week as I dropped my husband off at the barbers.

If you know where Hos Bes the supermarket is or even izzy's hardware store, go just past them, on the left hand side there is a sign for Sardunya bay, turn immediate left, up the dirt track,go left, and right at the end,we are number 8.

We haven't been inside Tolgas since it changed hands, nor have we been into Jessica, but we go to the Cabin, Rosys,Fast food and Veni Veci. It would be great to meet up.

[lizzyHZ in reply to Hidden]

yes I know hos bes - and I know Izzy (have met him a few times and spent some money there too) if you ask him about Eric and Ann and their son Jason who used to be in the army he will know who you are talking about small world - I will send you a PM just check under messages in your profile - keep in touch

[Debs1962]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal I felt like that last year, I had a holiday booked about the time of the mammogram, and phoned and changed the date till after my holiday, as I didn't want anything to upset that holiday (as I had to cancel the previous years one!)

All was ok, I too have had little side effects from tablets.

Xx

[lizzyHZ in reply to Debs1962]

last year I delayed the surgery for my summer holiday as I needed to charge up my batteries before going into battle--glad to hear things are OK with you xx

[NickAl]

It is normal to feel scared. I am a year down the line, work full time and have crammed so much in to life I can't believe. But this nasty glitch puts a new perspective on life and I try to live for every day. Your situation sounds similar. I finished my radiotherapy last September, married in November, back at work full time and going great. Due mammogram last Tuesday which filled me with fear and dread. Do we book hols just in case? Really can't cope with any more treatment and all that? Worked myself up in to a real state, so yes we are normal to have these feelings. However have had to have my mammogram rescheduled due to illness. Nasty cellulitis and a reaction to the radiotherapy a year down the line? I'm not a baby but my god it hurt. On vast amounts of antibiotics and off work. Gutted ! I was doing so well. So have to wait for my mammogram and get stressed about it again! I wish you all the best. It will be the waiting between the procedure and the results which will be the worst. Thinking of you with love xx Alison

[lizzyHZ in reply to NickAl]

wow we all seem to live under the 'carpe diem' pack as much in as you can - we are after all super women ...thanks for your support and the best of luck on your recovery xx

[NickAl in reply to lizzyHZ]

Thank you and best wishes to you. Keep us posted x

[Loulou669]

Hi I just recently had my yearly mammogram, I am glad to say it was fine. So I keep myself very busy in life, work, family, friends ect. I know I keep busy to keep the ' what if' thoughts away , but that is the only way I cope with the situation. I usually advise the same to other people going through cancer , keep yourself busy. We can't change the future, whatever happens to us,. But we can enjoy the present time.

, I got a puppy too when I was finishing my chemo. (It was the best thing that I did as the dog brings so much fun and is very loyal and loving to me and my family). You have to take her out for walks, which is good as it keeps you exercising . If I am having a bad day, she lies beside me and refuses to leave, as if she knows that I am feeling low.

Hope your mammogram is fine. Best wishes

[lizzyHZ in reply to Loulou669]

you are right, who knows what tomorrow will bring, and Freya, does indeed give unconditional love - often when there is a treat being offered ! all the best to you too

[Angelmummi]

It is quite natural to be worried but the most important thing is to stay positive. When I was diagnosed I told everyone I was going to see my little girl go to prom. That was 11 years ago, prom was last month and she looked beautiful. The mind is a very powerful thing. I'm sure everything will be fine.

[lizzyHZ in reply to Angelmummi]

am so happy that you saw your daughter all grown up and will continue to do so, I am being positive but I don't want to be blasé and think 'oh it will be fine' but a healthy dosis of positive to slight negative is not a bad thing..I would worry about things even without this like my loved ones and friends ..I am a carer not normally the one being cared for

[Redwine50]

It's so scary going back for check ups .i put on a brave face for my hubby ,family and friends but inside I'm a mess. Be positive and understand it's normal to be scared.be kind to yourself .xx

[lizzyHZ in reply to Redwine50]

Isn't it odd - we are literally fighting for our lives and yet we worry about other peoples feelings! as my youngest son said 'mum, you really to have to go to extremes to be a little selfish' ....I have too many good things in my life and am a natural born fighter so indeed I am not trying to dwell on the negative - thanks and all the best to you x