Not able to have chemo!!

Hi ladies had a mastectomy early Jan followed by total lymph node clearance, was due to start chemo and on actual day of chemo appointment at chemo clinic was told that scan had showed two very small spots on my left hip. As a result I won't be having chemo or radiotherapy but start Letrozole as a treatment to try to control the cancer but not to cure. I am absolutely devestated, I know there was no guarantee but at least there was a chance of cure, now that has gone. I feel my whole life has changed so dramatically, how long can I survive? What chance do I have of seeing my grandchild grow up he is only one year old. Sorry to be so pessimistic but just feel heartbroken. Thank you for listening, feel I can't say these things to my family.

13 Replies

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  • Hi Anita, I'm so sorry to read your story, I'm not sure what to say but I'm sure the medical team looking after you will do everything in their power to assist you in living a full life and seeing your grandchild grow up, anytime to need to have a moan please do so as there's always someone here for you, sending loads of love and hugs xxxxxxx

  • Dear Anita, I am so sorry to hear your news, I have no advice to give you as I am a real beginner at this myself but I do send you my best wishes, love and prayers at this truly difficult time xx

  • Sorry to hear your news, please try to give yourself time to get your head around this and talk to your specialist to know exactly what they will be doing for you, don't write yourself off, enjoy every day you have with your family, none of us know how long we have on this earth, my late partner died at 30 of a brain haemorrhage which came totally out the blue, has taught me that.

    Get support and help from people, I really think that will help you, and there are some people on this site who are going through the same as you.

    Hugs to you xxx

  • How awful for you. Can you have a second opinion? I cannot understand why they cannot give you the chemo and radiotherapy anyway. I have had secondaries for about 3 years now -firstly in lymph nodes near my clavicle and have kept changing treatments to keep it stable. They have recently found it in my bones and am now going back on chemo starting today.

    You have to put your trust in your medical team but, sometimes it is necessary for a second opinion if only to confirm what treatment they are giving you is the best. There are lots of different treatments out there to keep us alive.

    Like you I have young grandchildren and wonder how much longer I will be around for them to remember me. I have had a bit of time to get used to the idea that it cannot be cured. I try and keep positive most of the time with a few blips. Try and keep busy to take your mind off things but don't overdo it if you feel weak. Hopefully you have good friends who you may be able to talk to even if you cannot with your family.

    It is early days for you and you will learn to accept the situation, although difficult. You will have a different look on life and try and do the things you have wanted to do for a long time if you able. Good luck with your journey and hope things improve. Please do come back to this site and vent your frustrations and questions. Big hugs xx

  • Hi Anita, I'm so sorry to hear your story. It is still early days dear. Please try to stay positive. All the best with your journey. WE LOVE YOU

  • Sending you lots of hugs. Its understandable you are down right now, shocks like this can really throw you. Keep talking to the medics, there is so much they can do these days. Wishing you luck Caroline xxx

  • Hi Anita-B, so sorry you have the diagnosis. Please know that what you are going through mentally now, is as bad as it gets, so already you are getting over the worst! Well done!

    One of the first things I did when I was diagnosed and feeling exactly like you describe - I went searching for a spiritual type healer to calm my mind. I needed peace in my mind, we all do. She gave me coping skills that I use whenever I feel the need. It made a huge difference, as stress is often a reason why we get sick.

    I had metastatic to liver ( 3 tumours and lungs -sparkly bits but they didn't scan before surgery, so I had a mastectomy first.

    I dId four rounds of chemo, and the tumours shrank to 5% of their original size.

    When I was first diagnosed I changed my (quite healthy) diet, to completely cut out everything 'white' or refined. I gave myself a crash course on nutrition and the immune system and got hold of some good cannabis oil to see me through the chemo, without using their drugs. The cannabis not only seems to help the chemo do its job with the cancer, but it gives me an amazing restful sleep. Currently the oncologist has 'given' me a break from chemo for two months and I have been doing the full on Cannabis oil following the Rick Simpson protocols. I have a scan on Friday, I am fully expecting them to find nothing at all. I wish you all the very, very best for an excellent outcome. 😘🌺

  • Hi Anita, STAY POSITIVE. I know many people who have recovered from Stage 4 cancer with no further recurrence. Others I know have lived with secondaries for many many years. I firmly we are moving towards an era where cancer will be a treatable survivable condition for most. Believe you are one of these. Don't let negativity and fear to get the better of you. Stay strong and challenge those thoughts. Love and hugs. xxxx

  • I agree, a second opinion is warranted. The disease may not be curable, but that does not mean that chemo may not help you manage it....sometimes for many mant years! I would fight for every opportunity to be one of those women. Will keep you in my prayers.

  • So sorry to read your news...sending you big hugs, never give up.....❤❤❤❤❤

  • Sorry to hear this anita. There is always hope. I was given 12-18 months in august 2014. Also denied chemo as terminal. Bone mets. Had radiotherapy to relieve back pain in dec 2014. Mastectomy with reconstruction 2015. Im approaching 3 years and bone mets remain stable. I am living with cancer as opposed to dying from cancer. My team are amazing and ive now put on weight (bit too much for my liking) but so happy to be here still. Found planning anything very very difficult but just recently my son announced hes getting married next year in Dominican Republic so I have booked my holiday to be there xxxx

  • Thanks I have been told that I may have chemo at a later stage if cancer would spread to a more life threatening part of my body. They want to holdback chemo and radiotherapy until they feel they really need it. Treatment now is to manage cancer not to cure.

  • Hi Anita,I am sorry to read about what has happened to you - such a fundamental shock!

    I had her2 + breast cancer and had all the treatments. 5 weeks after treatment ended they found 4 tumours in my brain - they can't really treat brain tumours with chemo cause it will not pass the blood brain barrier. What a shock - from thinking I had a shot at 5 years + life my prognosis was much reduced ..... i did get treated with radiotherapy and surgery and those tumours are now gone/ dead - but of course they will come back - at some point, and sooner rather than later.

    I was hugely shocked as you are and it took me 3-4 weeks to absorb the shock and be able to face some kind of future . So one thing I did learn is that my way of coping with this is ok for me - so I am planning a fab summer - I feel well right now - and spending what money I have on treats for me and my friends/ family this summer - and that has helped me develop a zest for life (albeit shorter than I had expected) that the stage 4 cancer diagnosis had taken away from me temporarily - so any message I have for you is - do what you want ,cope the way you feel is best for you , enjoy your grandchild and enjoy your life.

    Love bern

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