I was diagnosed at the beginning of May after finding a lumpy area in my breast. I had a single mastectomy on the 23rd May. I was diagnosed with invasive ductual cancer. The consultant told me that the treatment should be chemotherapy followed by radiotherapy. After the mastectomy the results from the tissue analysis was that I did not need any further treatment. There were two tumours and they were low grade and my lymph biopsy was also clear. I suppose I had built myself up to having the chemotherapy (already had my hair cut short) and apart from Tamoxifan hopefully will not need further treatment II had the operation 5 weeks ago and feel quite emotional over this last week. Initially at the diagnosis stage my life was spent organising everything ( I am a single parent of three children) and making sure I had childcare planned and people to come with me to appointments. I felt very positive. Now I feel very emotional and quite unmotivated. I need to think about going back to work (financially I need to get back as I only get statuatory sick pay) but the thought makes me feel extremely anxious. I feel guilty about being off work but then i don't know how I'll cope. My employers have been great and I have spoken to them about a phased return and they are not putting any pressure on me. It is an intensely busy job dealing with lots of documents, multi tasking and very customer focused. I don't know whether I need counselling or just need to bite the bullet and go back. I am just concerned that these crying episodes come over me and I cant be doing that at work. When I say the cancer word it doesn't seem real and that it doesn't apply to me. I wonder whether thats because I havent had the chemo or radiotherapy I feel a fraud. part of me wishes that I had needed the treatment so that I was kept in this little bubble away from normal life. I guess I should be feeling lucky. I am struggling to get back to normal. I am sorry if this offends anyone who has/ is having to go through treatment. My GP is not the best - you get to see a locum doctor so no-one who knows me. Is this normal i suppose is the main thing I would like to know?
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