Oncology review

[Mell]

Hi lovely ladies I am due my oncology review tomorrow and hopefully it will be straight forward and I will be discharged back to my local hospital for monitoring. As the appointment has got closer I have been feeling sick with not fear I don't think, but sheer panic. Because nobody has looked at my breast for 3 months since the radio finished I've allowed it to creep back in its box and not bother me, I've even started to feel a little bit normal again. But the fear is banging on the box to be let out again which demonstrates how fragile that feeling of normality is. It's like going back to waiting for the biopsy results again. Legs are like jelly and per enact wave of sickness again Anybody else felt like this?

[Rattyp]

Hi, I can totally understand how you feel, I haven't got there yet but I bet it's scary. Keep strong and very good luck x

[Mell in reply to Rattyp]

Thank you Rattyp. I feel so sick I can't eat anything at the moment. It actually feels worse than waiting for the biopsy results. Will let you know how it goes. Stay strong xx

[Rattyp in reply to Mell]

Will have everything crossed for u xx

[wobblybee]

What scared me most of all was the thought of a mammogram, I just couldn't imagine having it done after surgery.  But the radiographer was very patient and took her time.

I found it very hard to accept I had cancer in the first place, the enormity of it, it just wouldn't register.

Only now, about 12mths since the last radiography, do I actually feel anything like myself again.

During treatment my breast felt it was a separate entity, prodded and poked for months on end.  Then when treatment stopped and I was left 'untouched' for awhile,

it was a welcome relief but strangely hard to come to terms with.

I have to agree, the thought of going back to the hospital wasn't top of my agenda, I was apprehensive too🙂

In all probability you'll have good news 🙂xB

[Mell in reply to wobblybee]

Thank you wobblybee that's exactly how I feel. You do detach yourself from it whilst you're going through treatments. It was scary knowing that no one was going to look at it for 3 months, now it's scary that they are going to look again. I keep thinking what if they find something else. I know this is just my mind playing tricks but I wish it would stop! Stay strong my love xx

[Rattyp in reply to Mell]

I feel detached from my remaining breast and I don't think I will ever feel the same abt my chest even after reconstruction. Just need to learn to live with that x

[Hedgesaw in reply to Rattyp]

Don't be so sure about that. I had a DIEP reconstruction on Monday this week. It replaced an implant that was put in on a "temporary basis" one year & three days ago. I love my new breast and the eye shaped flap is like it is looking at me! Can't wait to start my recovery, any future tweaking or balancing required etc. so I can start putting this well behind me. I have a brilliant surgeon in Portsmouth NHS Trust. 

[Jennymary]

Good luck for tomorrow, have you put a foodie treat in the cupboard to celebrate when you get home, sending positive love and hugs your way x

[Mell in reply to Jennymary]

Thanks jennymary. I have a bottle of wine in the fridge ready and some chicks in the cupboard, think I will have earned them! Stay strong Hun xx

[Hidden in reply to Mell]

All the best for tomorrow. I always get abit of a giddy tummy before appointments, think its just the adrenaline kicking in if its needed, natural response I'm sure but makes you feel wobbly xx

[Mell in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Cazlav this morning I feel remarkably calm but I'm sure once we get to the hospital the jelly legs will return 😩

[blue_sky1]

As a 5 yr survivor of BC I must say that the fear will NEVER go away unless you force yourself to take a more philosophical approach. Easier said than done, right? But pause and ask yourself what's the alternative - suffering untold misery and heartache every time you get a normal ailment or have tests/appointments etc coming up. You have to learn to live a day at a time, put down the fear, and believe in a positive outcome. Tell yourself every day that you are completely healed and grateful to be so. Best wishes and big hugs xx

[Mell in reply to blue_sky1]

Thank you Bluesky that is very good advice to follow xx

[Hidden]

I think it is perfectly normal to feel fearful but just remember it is only a feeling and not real, you talking about your fear will help release that fear, so good for you.

Wishing you lots of luck. Xx

[Mell in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Emonty you're right you have to get everything in the right perspective. Onwards we go! Xx

[Morijen]

Good luck for today Lv xx

[Mell in reply to Morijen]

Thank you Morijen xx

[Maz1965]

Good luck today - I am sure it will be a positive result.  I still dread going to see my oncologist and don't think that ever goes away.  I just keep telling myself that there is the same chance of the girl who sits next to me on the bus getting breast cancer as there is of it coming back.   I have a slight advantage over her in that I have been there and am maybe more breast aware than she is.

Have a lovely day and do some nice things. xx

[Rattyp in reply to Maz1965]

At least we are being kept an eye on, how many people are walking around with ticking bombs within in them !!

[Mell in reply to Rattyp]

I know and that's a scary thought. I'm still amazed by how many women don't check themselves regularly if at all.

[Rattyp in reply to Mell]

I know and to be honest, I wasn't a regular checker, just came across mine by accident x

[Mell in reply to Maz1965]

Thank you Maz I will xx

[Batey60]

Good luck Mell I'm sure you will be fine xx

[Mell in reply to Batey60]

Thank you Batey xx

[Decomtamination]

Hi Mell I've been there & know just what you mean just had my 1st mamagrame since it all started it was the longest hour of my life, good news cancer free & the cancer nurse was lovely she told as soon as we walked through the door, I'm pretty sure yours will be all good. Good luck 💖

[Mell in reply to Decomtamination]

Hi Decontamination well done with your mammogram. It's baby steps isn't it? Every little step is a massive one but I will be right behind you. Stay strong Hun xx

[Decomtamination in reply to Mell]

Thanks for your reply, we all stick together & be there for each other it's makes us that little bit stronger. Good luck your going to be fine, I feel I've got my life back on track then I have an appointment & the worry creeps in that's normal. Thinking of you 😘 💞

[Mell in reply to Decomtamination]

Thanks Decontamination xx