Please have a look at quotes taken from medical records as dictated by physicians.Hee HEE

The following are quotes taken from medical records as dictated by physicians.

By the time he was admitted,his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better,and on the third day it disappeared altogether.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

Discharge status:Alive but without permission.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions in early December.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortnes of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the E.R.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between me and you, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health,until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.While in the E.R. she was examined,X rated and sent home.

Occasional;,constant,infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male,mentally alert but forgetful.

Richard Cornish


Don't waffle on about your local Breathe Easy group,just go to it.

Joining details are available from the British Lung Foundation on 03000 030 555Mon -Fri 10am-6pm.

36 Replies

  • They're really funny ! Got any more ?:)

  • Watch out for KOTC's fun blogs

  • this one is a corker! thank you KOTC :) :)

  • Popped the bottle,did it?

  • I am sat here laughing like crazy. Thank you your majesty. :)

    Auntymary xx

  • I sure am CRAZY x

  • They are great. If anyone says ' chortling' any longer (as in the Beano) then that's what I'm doing.

    Lynne xx

  • Chortle,such a meaningful word.

  • O my I've laughed so hard my side hurt

  • Oh ee oh ha ha ting tang what side winder

  • So funny some of the things written are just the same in our country

  • Laughter is the same the whole world over

  • I so needed that, tears pouring down my face. After reading the I'm not fat, think I'll have a plate of anorexia for dinner! (joke). Thank-you, still catching my breath!

  • Breathe on

  • So funny im here choking with my nose is running !

    Really good a few more like that will brighten the evening.


  • Quick ... before it gets away!!

  • One joke a day keeps the Doctor at bay!

  • Am that fed up today with one thing and another but these (and johnwr's) cheered me up. Thank you!

  • The best reason for having friends here are the days we need picking up :-)

  • We try to cheer you up libby dear

  • Thank you so much Kotc. They are so funny. Have tears in m y eyes from laughing :-)

  • Tears for souvenirs and just for laughing

  • So so funny, they are cracking. keep em coming hun xxxxxxxxx

  • I'm all cracked up with your kind comments.But I will keep the 'CRACKS' appearing.

  • He he - and to think our lives are in their hands Aaaaarrrrgh!


  • Medics,medicine,medical, mindboggling when a joke is the right tonic.To be kind they do a fine job!

  • A laugh a day is good for health - very funny. Evelene 71

  • A laugh a day helps you work,rest and play.Doesn't it.

  • laughed till I coughed :) well worth it - cheery :)

  • Chirpy chirpy cheery

  • marvellous, a good laugh, you ought to find out what the nurses right in thier exams


  • I will examine that

  • Ha Ha just what I needed right now Thank you x

  • Needed now and everyday EH

  • all very funny as usual from yourself KOTC. keep it up as it cheers us up

  • Keep it up !!!! I will try

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