British Lung Foundation
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Death and sex the great taboos..?

In Victorian days death was openly discussed and a part of life (children died, coffins were 'open' in family homes,) .... read or watch Dickens books/films;

sex was the unspoken and unmentionable secret.

We have now gone the opposite way

sex everywhere, easily discussed and easily shown in the 'media'

but death cannot be mentioned... the new unmentionable secret. Only acceptable if violent and in a film.

The death of the old/young, terminally ill etc is hardly shown and almost never discussed

What are we? A society that believes we are supposed to live to 100 / 200? Living lives we think will not end?

I think having to try to come to grips with my own mortality was the biggest shock, and the biggest gift.... and I owe it all to COPD! (slight joke here).

I suspect we would be better off (collectively as a society) if we got the idea that life is not a rehearsal ..... live good and do good, die good and die well (well that's my plan...easily said I know)

However I think our attitude to death needs a real change ... and if it did we would be happier and probably healthier as a society

Apologies for the soap box approach .... its one of my 'issues'

Bolilly x to all .... be happy .... be peaceful

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14 Replies

Death and taxes only 2 things that are certain add religion to taboo along with politics if it is going to be civilized.

Hi, there's an awful of truth in what you say Bolilly. I am quite happy to talk about death but a lot of people aren't. My son (25) won't let me even broach the subject - he can see the state of me but somehow his mind won't let him believe it! However, after reading another post today by Daxiemad and seeing a post there by Lazerus, am going to medical science, no cost, no fuss. It's a shock when you realise you're not immortal, I expect if we didn't have the cursed copd we wouldn't be giving it much thought just yet (I'm 60) but suddenly it's there, looming. There are people in this forum who don't like to talk or think about it but I'd rather get it sorted before it's too late. I don't want to be on my last legs wishing I'd sorted this or that out. Libby

You are so right ....hopefully you and I have a good number of years to go ...but getting my will done, getting my house at least a bit sorted has made me feel better ... my son is 21 and like yours does not want to deal with this ... which is fair enough,

I can only do what I can do, be organised about my death and then get on with living. I think facing our mortality is a part of being an adult, 'IT' can happen to anyone, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the unexpected heart attack etc

So we have the advantage of advanced warning .......... there's always a silver lining!

Bolily x

I like the way you think! My house is desperate for a sort out, but unless my son helps then there's no chance. He's never here for more than 10 mins at a time, except to sleep. libby

And here's me thinking this is my chance to look better than I have in years!!! No, I'm off to the laboratory for experiments - don't know how to spell that mad laughing sound that crazy scientists used to do in old films but if I did, I would put it here! Who knows, I could still end up looking better?! Am getting a bit hysterical now, I think. Haha.

That's a shame, but an undertaker might deliver you, still making a big saving on an actual funeral? I don't know if they would do that. Or your local taxi firm, ha ha ha? I live in South Manchester, so fortunately there's a choice, but I think Wythenshawe Hospital would be my choice (if you get one, that is) as it's where the North West Lung Centre is and where I am treated.

Golly what have we all started? But seriously as many of you are aware now I am quite open about the end of life experiences and death, so much so that my husband and I had a full on discussion about it again tonight. Talked about my posts here, and how useful I have found some of the responses.

My wish is for my ashes to be put in a massive firework and exploded over the sea. I love fireworks and I love the sea.

I'm going out with a bang ! :)

Great idea, let hope it goes with a bang and a puff!

You and Daxie have started our own little "let's talk about (shhhhh, is anyone spying on us) death party"! When my mum was coming to the end we talked about death a lot and always ended up laughing. It's something that's never bothered me. Just how, is the bit that bothers me but even that's fading now.

I have often thought about death and my own mortality since I reached 30 and realised I was getting old !! :)

. My only regret is the ones I'll have to leave behind who will miss me.

Anyway I intend to live to 100 and still be walking so there's thirty odd years to go yet ! :)

I can recommend getting sorted. I have made my will, set a living will in place, and made my wishes known. Now I can forget about death and get on with my life.

Well said Auntymary and sex (sshh in case Pete hears) is taboo in our house! xx

I think the most positive thoughts on passing on I've ever heard ,were expressed in that TV programme called - " The boy whose skin fell off " televised about five years ago , with an audience of just over FIVE MILLION. The " Boy " concerned was Jonny Kennedy who had that very rare but shocking skin disease caused by a faulty gene. For about 30 years he suffered terribly, his mother said, she only had to touch his skin and this caused alot of pain etc to Jonny. If you recall, amid this awful experience, he expressed his strong belief in God, who he did not blame for his dreadful illness, but rather expressed his belief the "God knew what he was doing, with regard to his suffering, and that in the end , good would come from it " even amid his illness, he was so positive about the next life,and that there was nothing to fear, , and said he was here to "Learn about those who suffer, by what he experienced himself, he even had his body filmed as it lay in his coffin, and planned his funeral with his own commentary on what would happen etc, . He actually passed on whilst in his wheelchair just after visiting 10 Downing Street to see the Prime Minister to raise money for the Charity he started. If you want to see brief excerpts of this programme, just type in "The Boy whose skin fell off" - Jonny Kennedy, - its very inspiring and full of hope, and that ANY suffering we may experience is for a purpose, even though we may not understand at the time, and that we ALL will triumph over it...., and I certainly believe that as well ............

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