Its kind of weird but you do get used to living, knowing that the next lung infection to come along may be enough to push you off the edge. At my very lowest point,after months in hospital I was asked by a consultant if I thought the staff had done the right thing in pulling me through, as I was'nt getting any better and the future looked very bleak indeed. I looked him straight in the eye and said 'no you should have turned the machine off ' and I meant it. I could see no way out and even thought of saving my warfarin tablets up so I could overdose on them later. Luckily I came to my senses when I realised how selfish I was being, I had a family who were counting on me to get better so this was a turning point in deciding all my efforts had to be channelled into surviving and getting back home. Well its a few years on and I sometimes think back to those bad days when I almost gave up and think, ok I'm still living on a 'knife edge' but my balance is improving still, I am doing my very best to make sure I don't fall off and whats most important I don't want to fall off! I guess what I am trying to say to all you bad breathers out there is keep striving to be the best you can be and never give up.
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