you get used to living on a 'Knife Edge'

Its kind of weird but you do get used to living, knowing that the next lung infection to come along may be enough to push you off the edge. At my very lowest point,after months in hospital I was asked by a consultant if I thought the staff had done the right thing in pulling me through, as I was'nt getting any better and the future looked very bleak indeed. I looked him straight in the eye and said 'no you should have turned the machine off ' and I meant it. I could see no way out and even thought of saving my warfarin tablets up so I could overdose on them later. Luckily I came to my senses when I realised how selfish I was being, I had a family who were counting on me to get better so this was a turning point in deciding all my efforts had to be channelled into surviving and getting back home. Well its a few years on and I sometimes think back to those bad days when I almost gave up and think, ok I'm still living on a 'knife edge' but my balance is improving still, I am doing my very best to make sure I don't fall off and whats most important I don't want to fall off! I guess what I am trying to say to all you bad breathers out there is keep striving to be the best you can be and never give up.

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  • I read your message dall05. It should be heeded by all in this site. I have brochiectasis and asthma and not very mobile, but put it down to wear and tear. I cant really put into words how impressed when I read your experiences. You have very positive thoughts which should help a lot of people in the same situation. Really good meeting you! Love Anne80 xx

  • Its strange but since the day I almost gave in I have no fear of death, I faced it back then and found there is nothing to fear, to my surprise!. Saying that, I will put it off as long as I can.Ha Ha :)

  • Well done dall05, you are worth it and no doubt your family are so proud that you have turned yourself around both in mind, body and spirit.

    I promise to you I will always do my best for me too and will try never to give up, if ever I should, I hope there will be some one around me to remind me of your words and spirit.

    Wishing you everything in goodness.

    Zoee x

  • That knife edge gets flatter every day. Its good to talk! :)

  • Fantastic advise - I am really proud of how my husband tries to fight it! We have a family relying on him too! So understand living on the knife edge - I get palpitations if anyone so much as coughs near him. Onwards and upwards with your battle! Take care and keep warm. TAD xx

  • If you look after your husband like my family looks after me then he's in good hands. my lot do a great job with me which give's me the will to keep on striving for improvment. They alway's encourage and support me even if I somtimes over do it or ignore thier good advice, I know it helps them if they can see I'm doing my best.

  • Thanks for this dall05. I felt very down before diagnosis. I knew I was really very ill and I didn't care. I was just very unhappy at being me. Once I had been to a doctor I felt brighter and it has made me more positive and determined. I have some days, that sometimes stretch into a week where I feel a bit down - but luckily I don't suffer from 'the black dog' of depression. I have friends who are much healthier physically but struggle with their mental health. I too though worry desperately about how much of good lung that next infection will kill and what impact it will have on my lifestyle. i am lucky I am still fairly active - but its that what I fear losing most.

    Best of luck to us all

    Marie x

  • keeping active, is what will keep you active Marie so keep pushing yourself. We are both fortunate enough not to suffer with depression as we do have good reason to be depressed. It is quite normal to have a few ups and downs but lets try and have more ups eh' :)

  • What a lovely and positive outcome fromyou.Thanks so much for sharing it with us.We all get a bit down about our limitations at times,but I do believe life is still worth fighting for!! xx

  • I'm full of fight these days but It was'nt always like that. I realised that it is possible when your so ill to think death is an easy option,a way out of the misery. The experience has certainly made me a far stronger person now and in a mad way it was'nt all bad. Iv'e met incredibly kind and caring people along the way, people who I would never have met and I've experienced things and feelings that in normal day life you could'nt get close too. One moment in particular was when the young physio let go of me and I walked unaided for the first time in 3 and a half months,only for 10 metres or so, and collapsed on the bed in tears of joy only to look at her face and see she was crying too. You can't buy memories like that. Cheers Wendells

  • Excellent post Dall. We must all do our utmost to stay positive and healthy as far as we can.

    Lynne xx

  • Thanks Lnne, somtimes I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but it does us all good to talk about our experiences,good or bad, if it can help others in anyway then thats a bonus. I am so pleased that I found this site as for a long time I've needed to talk to people who are suffering and going through the same ordeal. Yes we must stay positive and as healthy as is possible to get the best out of life. Thanks again Lnne :).

  • Inspirational and a good lesson for us all

    G

    xxx

  • If talking about my experience's can help anyone then all well and good. I guess thats what the BLF had in mind when they set up this site. They know the good that can come from people getting together and helping one another. Thanks Katlover ps: we have two tabby cats tigger and tiger and there good to have around even though all they want to do is sleep this time of year. :)

  • warfarin bad choice for an exit lucky you come to your senses and used talk not tablets

  • Thinking back now it would have been a big mistake but at the time about all I could do was raise a hand to my mouth and there was plenty of time to work on a plan. The nurses would have probably caught me trying to store the pills anyway, Thank god for my supportive and caring family, I just could'nt leave them in that way! Whew!!!!

  • Wearing your heart on your sleeve is not a bad thing. It means you can talk and share. That is so important and so is this site.

    Those who very rarely come on here but do it to cause trouble have no place. We are here to support each other. I wish more of you were near me and we could meet up. I know one person on here and we have met up and that has been great. I'm not saying who as that would not be fair to her. Anyone near Wolverhampton?

    Lynne xx

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