A frog walks into a bank and croaks, "I'd like a loan, please!" The teller says, "You will have to see our loan officer, Patty Black."
The frog hops over to Miss Black's office, and says, "I'd like a loan, please." She replies, "Do you have any collateral, Mr. Frog?"
He pulls out a little statue of a white elephant. She tells him, "I will have to talk to the bank manager. She goes to the bank manager and tells him, "There's a frog out there who wants to get a loan, and the only collateral he has is this. I don't even know what it is!"
The bank manager replies, "It's a knick knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out
fishing in that?"
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?"
"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.
"We just suck the chocolate off them."