Rant Alert, Nut Allergy and Bigoted Minded People

Last night was my husband's Christmas works do, and do be honest neither of us were really up for it. I confess I am the kind you will find at a back of a party sorting out the arrangements (did this at my husband's 40th a few months ago), cleaning up at the end of the evening, (did this on New Year's Eve at a friends), so dressing up and being all smiley with people I know very little about I struggle with. Always have (apparently all us "Williams," have always been like it so relatives tell me), I only really relax when I have had a few and since I have recently been told I am pre-diabetic and have to live like one, so over the Christmas period whilst others have been getting merry I have been attempting to behave myself. Sometimes getting it right, and of course slipping up too!

Last night just turned into pure bloody hell for me on all levels, one of hubby's lovely darling colleagues spoke to me and I confessed to her I wasn't really looking forward to it, but husband and I felt that since we had both signed up before Christmas we should come. This darling lady said oh come on you have to stay for the disco and have a boogie, first big panic, I can't dance for more than a minute, and I don't want to explain about the syringe driver in my pocket and bang on about my health, as it is I feel difficult about the fact that the ladies are all dressed beautifully with wonderful hair, make up and clothes, dowsed in perfume (to which I am already suffering). Then comes the meal, I confess the starter wasn't that great, but each one to their own perhaps the second course will improve. I select the turkey, and one of the waitresses goes to put on the plate stuffing, I have the good sense to question if the stuffing has nuts, it does! She then offers me "pigs in blankets," which I have to decline because she has picked them up with the same tongs as the stuffing. Bloody hell are some people thick or what, I have just stated I have life threatening nut allergy. I choose a few roast potatoes and some carrots, avoid everything else including the gravy in case it is chestnut, yes I could have asked but sorry I don't think any of the staff totally understood allergies, and I didn't wish to draw attention to myself. I head back to my table with my husband, pick at my food but don't really want it, so wrap up the turkey and head out side to Lottie who is in the car. Little madam did cheer me up though because after woofing down the turkey leapt out the car and was prepared to do a runner through the gardens to find Hubby, god that would have been embarrassing if she had gone into the hotel!

Went back into hotel and rejoined hubby and are fellow table mates, who by this point were moving onto dessert, which I too had to avoid because of nut allergy, I feel a total prat sitting there not eating and just want to go. I am at a totally low ebb, my meal has been a disaster, I on diet coke because I am trying to behave myself as per medical advice. Can it get any worse, omg yes it bloody does! Don't get me wrong guys I like a laugh but I do feel very conscious about what is appropriate to discuss about in public or at an event, behind me I having to listen to a certain woman discussing waxing, shaving and other things to do with ladies neither regions (she was very drunk, as usual), I am bordering on mortified, because she is so loud, one thing having discreet conversation at the dinner table, but when others around you can hear it well, just please don't do it! It gets worse though, one of my husband's fellow colleagues partner on our table is slightly tipsy and starts making comments about a gay couple who are also at the event, we know the one half of gay couple, and personally I am quite fond of him, so to hear this person being so rude, was hard to bare. Both his partner and fellow friends tried to shush him, me too politely but he wouldn't let go. I felt deeply upset and knew that if I didn't just get up and walk out, I would say something I would regret, and it would make the others feel rather uncomfortable. So I did just that, got up and walked out without a word with my poor hubby following me.

It is now 4.15 am I can't sleep and I feel bad that I just got up and walked out without a word of goodbyes. Poor hubby will have to go into work on Monday, and face his workmates and explain why we disappeared like we did. I feel really bad for him :(

It has already been a bad start to the new year, yet more health problems on top of the regular ones, and struggling to study with it. Two thousand word essay on disability, stigma and how health care professionals can improve working practices, by Thursday, and at the moment just feel I can't face it.

God for a couple of hours I just wanted a little bit of normality, instead I do my normal sneak off to the car because it is a damn site easier being with Lottie than it is with humans.

Sorry for this long blog, not one of my funny ones I know, but I needed to get it off my chest, neb time next and maybe a cuddle with the dog!

15 Replies

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  • Hi there

    Your christmas doo sounds a bit like my christmas day. Afterwards, I spent 3 days worrying about what affect my actions/health problems had on the other people I was with, only to find that they hadn't even noticed......they were probably too drunk by then. Then I felt just as bad as they hadn't even noticed so I just had to forget it a move on....thank god it is only once a year ;)

    I know what you mean about being around humans and find it easier to be around people who don't know me...sad really.

    Just hope you manage to get your essay done and had a good cuddle with the dog

    Andrea

  • I totally understand what you mean. I also avoid formal gatherings as I don't like having to explain about my health condition, the mention of COPD brings total blank expressions. Good luck with the essay, I recently graduated with a psychology degree with my dissertation being on the psychosocial effects of COPD on quality of life for patients and their families. Take care, Richard.

  • I do feel for you,that would have been terrible,and what unfeeling people! You would think the wait staff,would have been up to date with food allergies etc.As for the others,probably to drunk to realise you left,but hopefully the gay couple realised,that you were disgusted with the comments,and were supporting them!!

    Best of luck with your essays,I'm sure you will do well.

    Make sure in the future, you go where you want to,we have the final choice!!

    Hugs Wendells xxx

  • I would have hated it too and I can fully understand your feelings. You behaved in a better way than others there, and stood up for what you believed in too. I'm sure your husband fully understands. I bet the workmates will have been too drunk to have noticed you left.

    Lynne xx

  • Agree with the others, you did the right thing in walking out! You let your feet do the talking, and I suspect others there wished they had the guts to do the same, don't worry about people thinking you were rude, most were probably too drunk to notice you leave!

  • I think a polite letter to the General Manager, copy in MD of parent company, of the venue to advise them of this very seriouse lapse in staff training.

    Gentle prod that not everyone wants to get drunk and non alcoholic, and nut free, cocktails are a big thing in the modern world. As for the ugly people,not a reflection on anyones physical appearance but my term for those reasonably educated ignorant and souless things that pass for humans,you chose the right course to leave. It does no good to try and reason with them, we should pity them, but, even though I cannot use my arms very well I would love to have broken a nose..or two! Love to Lottie, bet she loved that food and I know her manners were better than the ugly people.

    Jane

  • I would have wanted to do a runner, if I had been there in the first place!! I dont know whether it is an age thing but |I dislike dressing up on a cold night. I cant cope with the racket that is going on and making small talk. And not hearing what is said to me because of the racket. I have memories of one person discussing oral sex with his partner.

    A nice meal wherever without anything else going on. Explain your diet to the restaurant who should be used to diets. But inevitably there is a raucous drunken party on the table which is what happened to me at Christmas. Couldn't hear myself think. I dont have allergies but I do have a temperamental hiatus hernia.

    Dont apologise for ranting, daxiemad. You write well and expressed your feelings. Obviously prefer a quiet life to cope with your problems. Love Annie80xx

  • ((((HUGS)))) Daxiemad, what a bloody awful night. You behaved with remarkable decorum as I would have spoken to the manager about his ignorant staff and told the homophobes to shut up or have a bruised mouth. As to walking out, they will be far too hungover for that to be a memory unfortunately, as they could have learned something from it. Good for you. xx

  • Dear Daxie, thank goodness for Lottie, bless her! People are awful when they have too much to drink and works dos are the pits at the best of times, but with drunk people you don't even know, it ends up being the worst of times. If you ever go out anywhere like that again (not that you will rush to do that) make sure that any hotel/restaurant knows about your allergies beforehand. If they did know, then shame on them for not training their staff properly! I have no time for bigots so would have definitely said something to the homophobe. Good on you for not doing so and don't give a second thought to what anyone made of you just walking out as, like auntymary said, they probably didn't even notice. Glad you got it all off your chest anyway. Take care of yourself, hubby and Lottie too. xxxxx

  • If it were me I would probably turn it round on the hotel and their lack of care regarding allergies. That's not the real reason for walking out, but perhaps an excuse that you felt ill with the sheer smell of the food? Something on those lines may well save face, yet highlight a problem. Feel free to add in a comment that you were upset about not being able to eat because of the lapse.

    A lot depends on your husband as he has to work with these people, if you did make a thing of the homophobic comments and the drunken behaviour. Jane mentioned writing to the company, if you feel strongly then maybe that's an option. It should be treated as a formal complaint, although they may choose to issue a general notice about staff being representatives of the company on such occasions, rather than pull individuals up.

    I have worked with the local Police in the past on a campaign against hate crime, which started with Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transexual (LBGT). They advised that all instances, drunk or not, should be reported to them. It was a civvy officer who dealt with initial complaints. If they got several reports of the same person then action would be taken, but they didn't normally act on one report unless it was serious. Instead, they would collate the info and approach a person about their views if their name popped up again.

    Up to you of course, just trying to help before your hubby has to give an explanation. If you want him to tell his colleagues of your allergies, like nuts and perfume, then that will back up the story ?

  • Supporting people who are badly treat is admirable though I like you would not lower myself to the physical violence that some advocate as it lowers you to the same status as the drunken louts.

    Explaining to friends will be hardly necessary and the louts will have regained commonsense once sober (if they ever had it) and regret their actions.

  • I think you did right leaving , Your hubby can either tell the truth or just say you were not feeling well , they can either take it or leave it. I forced myself to go to our christmas do, stayed until after the meal had a quick dance.. needed my inhaler decided stuff this I am off home.

    To work in the hospitality business think everyone should take a basic days course, which not only includes hygiene and health and safety but learn about allergies, not only is there nut allergies but also meat allergy

    These people are not there for you to impress, nothing worse than parties

    your back in comfort zone with lottie and having lots of hugs and kisses,

  • Daxie, your post, well, I could of written it myself!

    You did exactly the right thing in my opinion. The only difference being I would of shouted down the pathetic low life homophobic prat, then walked out!!

    You're truly a lovely person , never forget that.

    Best wishes for an improved 2013

    Mike x

  • Hi Daxie, u did well to leave i know i would have had words with them and probably not very polite havent got time or breath to waste on ignorant people! i understand the whole social thing had a wedding to attend in september, by the time our table could go to get food there was nothing left, hadnt eaten before as didnt want to be asleep, so was starving, the the double doors were left open for people to go in and out of venue so i was freezing cold, and made to feel like an idiot for ordering a cup of tea at the bar as couldnt drink with tablets, when it finally arrived it was well like nats p and luke warm, and then ofcourse being pestered by well meaning relatives to dance which i cant do!

    I left at 10pm had been there since 2pm which for me is very long time without rest, and then got phone call from said relative as to why i didnt enjoy myself and left early!!!!

    WHAT COULD I SAY? XX

  • They sound like an awful bunch of people daxie. I too get very annoyed with homophobics (and racism and sexism etc). But unless someone has a go at me personally I often deal with that kind of thing by taking the mickey out of them. I won't give people a reaction because thats what they want. I try and seek out the nice people and ignore the nasties.

    As for the health, and nut things I wouldn't expect anyone to understand because people don't. Would you in their circumstances? And its not a big issue for them. I find most people are too worried about themselves to worry about others! In life I hope but never expect. I think that out of 100 people 5 will like you, 5 won't and the rest don't know you exist...

    I once went to a terrible office Christmas Dinner.....Everyone seemed really miserable. Me and my friend didn't worry about it though. We went the whole dinner slagging them off to each other and ended up having a really good night out. Stuff them I say. You take out of a situation what you want and ignore the rest and make sure you enjoy yourselves!

    Bev xx

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