Met a mate in the Pub, Said his wife went out Boxing Day to get some Milk, and he hasn't seen her since.
"Blimey" I said, " How you coping "
"no bother, I've got some of that powdered stuff.
Took the wife out some where new for afternoon Tea & Biscuits.
She was delighted. She'd never given Blood before!
A Skydiver jumps out of a plane at 30,000 ft and plumets to earth. At 10,000ft he pulls the cord to open his parchute and nothing happens, He tries again, Still the parachute won't open. At 5,000ft he looks down and see's a guy comming up towards him.
" Hey mate" he shouts "What do you know about parachutes"
"Sod all" came the reply, "What do you know about Gas Fires?"