Feeling very sorry for myself today

I have had asthma and emphysema (now severe) for the last ten years. I`ve learned to cope with that but in July 2010 I started to itch and burn all over. I was tailing off steroids after 18months of polymyalgia and have itched and burned since then. I`ve had every antihistamine known to man and every cream etc. In the midst of all this I had to watch my son dying of cancer for ten months followed by nursing my husband for five months with cancer again. During this time I fell and broke my ribs and even getting on the stairlift to go up and give him his meals or meds and change his dressings was agony. When my son was dying his main worry was his two little cats and I assured him that I`d look after them. And they`ve been a life saver, a reason to get up in the morning. I couldn`t cry over Michael`s (my beloved son) death while looking after John because he`d been told there was nothing more they could do so he knew he was facing a painful death. So I had to keep going, I had to keep going. But today I am itching and burning all over, I can`t sit and i can`t lie and this has been going on for two and a half years and I`ve had enough. I miss them both so much and really wish I didn`t have to wake up tomorrow. But these two little furry bodies are relying on me . Sorry to be so miserable but I am hurting so much. Just needed someone to talk to. In 2010 I lost my son, my brother and my husband in the space of 8 months.Nothing can ever take that pain away. Sheila

15 Replies

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  • so sorry for your loss.you are a golden lady.but try and carry on for the sake of your son.s 2 kitty winks.and think of the promise you made..keep talking on here if it helps.and there is help out there and a new future.keep looking to the future.your an angle..xxx

  • Thankyou for caring evo1510. I know i should look to the future. The problem is I don`t want a future. Sorry for being so morbid and self pitying. I can usually hold myself together but the floodgates have opened today. I promise not to post my misery on everybody again. You are all such a supportive lot. Thank you. Sheila

  • You have had, and continue to have a really tough time. Now its your turn to be looked after. Have you thought about seeing a grief counsellor? Are there any family or friends around? Could you pester your gp or maybe see a herbalist for your skin condition. Don't be hard on yourself Sheila be kind to yourself. You sound like a very strong lady to have got this far and I am sure your husband, son and brother would be very proud of you. Take care. xxx

  • This time of year is not always a happy time, you post what you want, there will always be someone around to offer you support. xxx

  • So so sorry for your losses Sheila, it must be a very very difficult time for you and especially as you are having to deal with the skin irritation for so long as well as the emphysema. Bless your little kitties keeping you company, I am so glad you have them to share your days with. I am sending you loads of feeling better thoughts and extra special wishes to help you through this difficult time.

    I don't know if it will help you Sheila but there are two products I use when my skin has a reaction, I don't know if they will help you but if you haven't tried them you may want to give them a go. One is the 'Body shops', aloe vera range, its very soothing and calming to the skin and the other is a product by Salcura, I find the cream and spray useful, you can chat with someone at Salcura to get some advice on the sort of product that may help you the most. There Web is here: salcuraskincare.com/ You don't have to buy direct from them but certainly get their advice if you are unsure what or if the product may help you. Boots stock a small range and I think I have seen it else on line also.

    Take good care of you and as evo says don't hesitate to come back and chat here.

    Sending you lots of happiness throughout the coming year.

    Zoee x x

  • Sheila , I so wish i could give you a hug x , It sounds like you have been strong for so long and now its you that needs a shoulder to lean on, Please keep posting on here and talk to us and i hope it will be of some help to you . (( Hugs )) xx :-)

  • Oh Sheila, what an awful story you have shared with us. We are here for any support you need.

    Lynne xx

  • It pays to talk and we are all willing to listen to you.

    Richard

  • You don't need to apologise at all for posting your blog Sheila. As you can see from the replies you have lots of friends here who care deeply about you and we don't mind you sharing the dreadful pain of your losses with us.

    Do go back to your gp and explain how you feel and insist that further investigation is made into the cause of the itching and burning and call the Samaritans too to talk over your feelings, you will be surprise how much they can help you at this very difficult time.

    I wish you well ........

    ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

  • Thankyou to all for your messages of support. I`ve seen 5 dermatologists so far so my doctor usually just shakes her head and says she hasn`t got a magic wand. I do know how much the Samaritans can help- I was a Samaritan over 20 years ago. I know they would listen but all I`d do is cry actually speaking to someone. Here living on my own I can write to you and howl with the pain without feeling I have to control myself. You have all taken the time to send me messages, you are all Samaritans and I thank you all so much. Sheila x

  • Hello Sheila

    You post away thats the whole point of a forum. You might feel down today so we can all talk to you and hopefully let you know your not alone, tomorrow it could be anyone of us feeling low. The others are right go back to your doctor and never feel you cant come on here for help.

    Best wishes.

    Kim xxxxx

  • We're hear to listen.

  • O mskpjb

    donot be so hard onselve afer everything that has happened, a problem shared is a problem halved

    all the people on this site will understand why you are feeling this way, my heart goes out to you.

    remember all the caring you did, that takes a long time to go.

    hopefully 2013 will better than at the moment.

    love jan xxxx

  • I am sorry for the losses you have suffered and I am in no way surprised that at times you feel the way you do. I am not very good at loss as I have not really lost anyone I care for, so would be unsire how to deal with it myself. But I hope I can offer some comfort xxxxx

  • Sending you great big hugs. Can you find someone to talk to, as it really does help to pour things out. You have had the biggest and hardest sadnesses to cope with. Maybe a counsellor, friends ? If you can find something each day to look forward to, however small, and if you can find something each day to smile at, it will help. Tough time of year for you . xxx

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