My mum

I am not sure what i hope to gain from posting on here, i know that these sites can get great responses but there are always possible negative comments etc, im a member of the fibro site (my own health condition).

Anyways my mum is mid 40s, smoked since she was a teenager and my dad also smokes, she found she has copd about 3 years ago, i am the only family member to know, dad just thinks she has asthma and gets chest infections easily... I am 21 with a 19 year old sister, who isnt particularly motivated or helpful at home, im away at uni studying for a degree in chemistry. She wont give up smoking, and i dont know what to do. She also have very high blood pressure which are poorly managed by beta blockers etc. She works a high stress job. Everyone knows she isnt very well but we are a family that dont talk about serious things, my dad had a chest infection a while back that required injection steriods and about 40 tablets a day and i only found out a couple weeks later... I just, i want my mum there for a long time, and i know that smoking is making this worse, and if she has a heart attack then her lungs arent strong. I dont know what to do and i dont know how long i have left with her. Sorry for sounding melodramatic, currently struggling with medication for my fibro.

9 Replies

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  • you are very brave and I feel really sorry for you with your concerns for your Mum-you must try and convince her to stop smoking its the only way that she can try and control her COPD -I am 63 and was diagnosed with COPD in August 2010-the doctor showed me a picture of a diseased lung caused by smoking-not very nice.

  • Hi there. It is very hard for you as you feel helpless and if your mother continues to be in denial, there is not a lot you can do.

    If she carries on smoking, there is no doubt that her health will get worse. If she stopped, she has a much better chance of stabilising her condition.

    Perhaps she could have a look at this site, perhaps you could get an information pack for her from the British Lung Foundation, you could even try ringing them for some advice.

    I am 57, was diagnosed with moderate COPD earlier this year. I stopped smoking almost a year ago and the COPD does not stop me doing anything, I just get a little out of breath at times. I too have a stressful job, but gave up smoking. As you know, a smoker will always find a reason NOT to stop.

    I hope you can find a solution to this, but people here will try to support you too.

    Lynne xx

  • Being away from Mum a very caring daughter will be anxiouse especialy as you are dealing with your own illness. Mum knows she has COPD does your sister know? Could you work through her to help mum? As Stan and Lynne say smoking is not good for anyone (I have pledged on this site to stop!) With great respect to yourself I have two very close friends who I love dearly, if I have a problem I go to them to discuss. Is there someone like that for mum and would you be able to speak openly to them? Obviously a stressful job cannot help but if it keeps her going then maybe thats the key, not to tell her employer but to encourage her to manage this condition better so she can keep on working. All the people here and at BLF are into support and encouragement and I know that from personal experience. It's made a huge difference to my life and that of many others. And we are all here 24/7.

    Jane

  • You poor girl! I suggest you write her a ketter telling her how much she means to you. Don't blame her just let her know you understand how hard it is for her, You could also print off your post and any answers from it to show her how scared you are. It would work for me.

    I am 65 , my lungs are really bad with multiple conditions, sometimes I could easily give up but the thought of leaving my beloved family is the impetus I have for fighting on. Best of luck you are a great daughter!

  • Hi Worrieddaughter

    You have had some great comments from your new friends and I agree totally with their advice. It seems everyone is in denial except you, which must be very hard for you, especially as you have your own health issues to deal with. Love Mo's idea of expressing your concerns in writing to your Mum and prhaps enclosing some literature from BLF. Also think you would find it helpful to 'phone BLF - they are excellent. Your Mum is lucky she has such a caring, loving daughter. Please post in again whenever you want and let us know how you get on. Good luck with your chemistry degree.

    Good luck and very best wishes to you.

    Love C xxx

  • I am so sorry you are going thro all this. I too had a sick mother and spent many of my young yrs worrying my mother would not be with me for very long. I was wrong my mother was a fighter, she too suffered from many health problems many terminal but she kept fighting and lived a happy life and died at 72. Please do not spend all your time worrying about your mum. Take her out and tell her you love her and tell her how worried you are. She probably does not see all this from your view point. My mother finally gave up cigarettes at age 62 when a consultant told us she would not be with us in 3 months if she did not give up. I was horrified at the time and hated the consultant but it worked, she gave up and lived 10 more yrs. Good luck with your studies and good luck with your conversation with your mum and pls try to see the positive side of things, there is always a positive side. Maximonkey

  • Hi

    I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time, if you require further information, or emotional support the helpline is available to you on 03000 030 555

    Regards

    Vicky

  • Thanks

  • You poor thing - what a burden to carry. COPD is not necessarily a killer. I think you have to offer your Mum your support as you do but do not let it impact on your own life. The only thing that you could possibly do is write her a letter and let her know how worried you are - even maybe mention this website, it might help her too. Your Mum is very lucky to have you and you are bright too!! Concentrate on your degree and enjoy uni life! TAD xx (PS My mother in law had COPD for years and years and went on to live to 84!)

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